(Closed) RSVP add-on problem, advice please??

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
5892 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

Doxie7:  “I’m sorry that WIFE cant be there, we will miss her. Unfortunately, we will not be able to accomodate someone else.”

If he asks ‘Why?’, just say, “Because we can’t”

If he is a total ass, then you say, “Because we have had to cut some dear friends from the list. Now that WIFE cant make it, we will be able to invite them” (You know people that we know and love and not some random guy you total D!ckwad)

Post # 3
6 posts

Hmm, tough. I personally would say, I’m really sorry to hear that *your wife* isn’t able to make it, we would have loved to been able to celebrate with her as well. We are finding it difficult to fit everyone in due to guest limit and We are only inviting our close friends and family so I wouldn’t feel comfortable having someone attend our wedding that we don’t really know, and also have them taking a seat which potentially could be used for a family member. (or something along those lines). Good luck!

Post # 5
153 posts
Blushing bee

This is so rude ! Why do people just add extra people on that are no invited .. I so do not get it??? and the sad thing is they make you feel awful when you have to tell them they cannot be accommodated.  My friend recently got married and was called and literally abused and sworn at by the partner of her male friend (both of whom were invited) because they could not bring their children ! the funny thing is a few months later they got married and had a child free wedding ! typical. I often think that until you are planning a wedding… or just had a wedding that their is not much understanding on how difficult it is !

Post # 6
488 posts
Helper bee

Important life lesson, it might be more uncomfortable but you should try to approach these situations with a phone call instead of an email or text. People can read an email and make all kind of assumptions about your attitude and tone that are nowhere near correct. Also, they will have to respond immidiately if you are speaking to them live. You won’t get stuck waiting around for an email back and you won’t have to guess whether or not they are coming at all.

I think it was rude for your friend to just up and invite their kids. I can kind of see where your male friend was coming from though. He had already RSVP’d for two and might have thought you already paid for their meals. I think he asking you if he could bring someone else was polite. It’s not like he just announced he was bringing someone else, he was asking if it was okay. It isn’t, and you told him so. I’d just leave it at that.


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