(Closed) RSVP Cards coming back-with plus ones? (vent)

posted 6 years ago in Paper
Post # 3
Member
1482 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Ugh, that’s so frustrating!

We didn’t have this problem, because we put the “We have reserved X seats in your honor” on our response cards to avoid this. However, since you now have this problem, it sounds like you’ll have to just get on the phone and have some awkward conversations with people. It sucks, but it’s better than having to pay for all of those extra people. I think just a “I am so sorry Aunt and Uncle, this is kind of awkward but we really only invited you two, and we aren’t able to extend that invitation to the cousins due to space contraints,” will do. You might have some upset people, but some people just don’t get the whole thing about how it’s only the people listed on the invitation who are invited, so maybe they will be understanding. 🙂

 

Post # 4
Member
336 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

that is SO rude! unfortunately they’ve put you in a super awkward situation. that said, i would encourage you to contact them (via phone, e-mail, whatever) and explain that although you & Fiance would have loved to be able to invite everyone, unfortunately due to space (or whatever other many reasons you probably have!) you just can’t extend the invite to cousins Susie, Joe, etc. they have no right to be upset by this; they are the ones who invited whoever they felt like to your wedding! crazy!

Post # 5
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I say practice a short and concise message and email/call back and let people know that they cannot bring extra guest. Something like Thank you Aunt and Uncle for your request due to the fact that our venue only holds 120 we don’t have space for your children, we understand if you won’t be able to attended without them.

That statement leave little to no room for arguing.  Let them there them know there is a  fire marshal and it’s law they can’t argue with that. I also think if guest sent a firm formal response that was no, then call them back and tell them as much as you love to have them, as they already rsvp no you no longer have the space to accomdate them.

It’s sitcky people feelings may be hurt and as annoying as it is just stand your ground and try to keep calm.

Post # 6
Member
78 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

If it is your aunt/uncle, and you are feeling uncomfortable contacting them, it may be better to have a parent (their brother/sister) call. I feel like my aunts would be more receptive to a call from their sister, since they grew up together and all. Kind of like how you’d be able to handle a more sensitive situation with your brother/sister/parent than a more distant relative. 

As far as people who already said “no” — I would tell them that you were upset to hear they couldn’t come, but that you invited other people in their absence and no longer have room. If they received an invitation, they are assuming there is still room for them to be there. This is really the only way that it would make sense for there to no longer be room for them.

 

PS: this is my worst nightmare. My venue capacity is 130 seating. The caterer who works there a lot told me I can fit 140-150 if people squeeze. We were going to invite 180, but we are worried everyone will say “yes.” How many did you invite? 

Post # 7
Member
5956 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

..cretins, some people just don’t get it, do they?

Post # 9
Member
78 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Also I wanted to add that your wedding is about YOU and you (hopefully) only get 1. 

Please handle the situation with tact, but don’t let other people interfere with what should be one of the happiest days of your life!

You shouldn’t have the stress of (1) fire marshall or (2) finances ruining your big day because some people thought “I’m sure the bride and groom can compromise on this for me.” It may be important to them to have their kids there or have a date there, but it is YOUR wedding and it is WAY more important that you have a happy day than anyone else. If you call them, and they can’t compromise to make you happy on a day that means so much to you, that says a lot about their character. 

My mom gave me a pep talk like this (about the day being about me and FI) and it helped me a lot. 

Again, please me sweet to your friends or family, as they don’t get the situation they are putting you through. But, if they don’t get it after you explain everything, they are being ridiculous. Don’t let it ruin your happy day! 

Post # 10
Member
78 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

WOW! You must be loved because that is a ridiculous number of “yes” responses. Doing the math, you invited 140 and over 120 people want to come! I guess it increases the numbers when people invite themselves. Good for you, though! 

It means you have family that really love you two, although maybe not the most empathetic, haha! 

 

 

Post # 12
Member
2390 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@chkygal02:   Our invitations included an insert that requested no plus 1’s due to space and budget restraints.

Well, for starters, that was unbelievably rude of you.  You never mention who’s NOT invited, only who IS invited.  I certainly hope you invited people with their SOs.  Also, you’re creating more problems by saying anything about the budget – it’s very likely people will say “oh I’ll pay for them!”.  The less said on that issue the better.

Now for your actual problem – you just have to call these people and say “I’m sorry for any confusion, the invitation was only for you and x.  We hope you’re able to come!”

It sucks, but it seems like everyone has to do it.

Post # 13
Member
2390 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@chkygal02:  Your Fiance should be dealing with this, it’s his family.  Make him man up.

Also, B-lists are rude.  You’ve partially put yourself in this situation by having one.

Post # 14
Member
1222 posts
Bumble bee

Contact them and let them know that you are sorry, but due to space contraints you simply cannot accomadte extra people. If you have to, make place cards so that the extra people will have nowhere to sit. Or have someone at the door to the reception checking off names. I don’t know if this is an option for you, but at one of the venues around here they offer a one-day wedding coordinator who could probably do something like that. Ask your venue their suggestions- they’ve seen it all before and can probably give you some ideas on how to handle this without coming out as the bad guy.

Post # 15
Member
78 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I think that the insert in the invitation was premised on concerns the OP had based on her interaction with Fi’s family (mentioned in her previous post). It sounds like there was a lot of drama pre-invitations. It turns out the concerns were valid, and that guests are inviting themselves despite the insert. 

I think it is “incredibly rude” (oneofthesethings) to criticize someone when they have turned to the boards for help. She probably shouldn’t have included it for the sake of polite guests, considering it didn’t dissuade impolite guests from inviting themselves, but why criticize her after its already done? 

Don’t listen to them, OP! None of this will matter on the big day! Have a great one!

 

 

The topic ‘RSVP Cards coming back-with plus ones? (vent)’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors