(Closed) RSVP Cards coming back-with plus ones? (vent)

posted 9 years ago in Paper
Post # 18
Member
5317 posts
Bee Keeper

Meh I hate the “no plus one” thing that seems to be common on wedding bee. I won’t go into it… but I think a wedding is not only about the couple. If you want it that way, elope. Otherwise, other people’s feelings and preferences matter too. Not about the little details but “no plus 1s” seems so… I don’t have a nice word here.

Maybe they felt similarly to how I feel about the matter, were insulted, and sent it back that way to send a hint. Personally I would’ve sent back a No and my icy silence thenceforth would’ve been my hint that I was insulted, but different strokes…

Post # 19
Member
1946 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@OneDayMrsW:  I think it is “incredibly rude” (oneofthesethings) to criticize someone when they have turned to the boards for help.

Meh.  If people are going to post on an internet forum they should have thick enough skins to handle being criticized for lacking etiquette.  Based on the OPs response, it seems like she does, and doesn’t need you sticking up for her.

Post # 20
Member
1946 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@joya_aspera:  Preach.  Once you invite guests, you have to do what’s right for their comfort.  Many bees don’t seem to grasp this concept.

Post # 22
Member
12 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I thought she was doing what’s right for their comfort by not squishing everyone in one room. I completely understand how a “plus one” is ideal but it’s not always doable when you want your family and friends there. If a friend disowned me because I don’t want to pay upwards of $60 for her date, that I may not even know…GOOD RIDDENS.

As for the B list…we’ll probably end up doing it. Who cares?! It’s not like it says B list on the invites! We HAVE to invite FI’s family that he barely knows and when they cant come, hell yeah I want more of our friends there. 

And as for the no help, most guys aren’t lol. Fiance and I have a deal that he does vendors and I do decor, however that means he has no opinion on white candelabras vs. silver, which can suck. But yea, he def has to deal with his side. You wouldn’t expect him to deal with yours…

Best of Luck! 

Post # 23
Member
136 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@joya_aspera I know what you mean about the +1 debate that is frequently on weddingbee, but it doesn’t sound like she is complaining about +1’s. She sent out an invitation to ONE couple, who then invited 4 others. That is not just plus 1. That is an extra 4 people, for one invitation!

Post # 24
Member
6533 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2014

Since you are over capacity, it’s awkward but I think you need to start calling and kicking out the extras. Start with the people bringing 6… WTF!

Post # 25
Member
218 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

It’s shocking how judgemental people can be over others’ weddings. I think in an ideal world, people would be able to invite every person they wanted to their wedding, but that’s not real life for most. If a couple can only afford the smallest of weddings, and you’re pissed because their’s no plus one, they you’re the selfish one. The wedding isn’t about you, it’s about them. There’s a fine line between creating a fun event for your guests and not letting them derail your budget.

Post # 26
Member
6533 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2014

Wow, just read all the other replies. Sorry you’re getting ripped on OP! Your situation sucks but it’s not your fault. You had some no replies, so you invited more people. I don’t see anything wrong with that! It makes total sense to me. It’s the guests who over respond for extras who were wrong. Good luck!

Post # 27
Member
1221 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

It’s totally okay to not want randoms at your wedding – I wouldn’t want Wes to come either if I had no idea who he was.  I think that family especially will presume that if they’re invited, then everyone in their family unit must be invited as well because it’s a family wedding.

Your Fiance needs to talk to his family members and be really apologetic and honest about the space restraints, but at the end of the day you do need to be able to accommodate everyone who received an invitation.

Post # 28
Member
183 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@chkygal02:  The wedding is about you and your future spouse.  For the people who are being rude and telling you how bad you are for not allowing random people to attend your wedding, just count yourself lucky they’re not your real friends.

TRY to enjoy this very special time in your life.  You will hopefully only go through this once.

Hugs!

Post # 29
Member
77 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Aww… OP I’m sorry this is so stressful!  And people are being very rude… You did what she thought was best.  It seems people just don’t realize weddings are expensive!!!  And extra people just makes it worse… I too am finding out early that people seem to assume they can bring a plus one.  Friends have said “I’ll make sure my boyfriend is intown that weekend” wtf?!  It’s different when you know their SO… But alas I am just accommodating for that in my total of potential guests.

Post # 30
Member
628 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Date twin, your struggles are my struggles.  I have had the exact same problem.

I started with calling (most) of the people who hadn’t responded (a few I can guess with accuracy or had verbally told me).  Of those, I stuck with the number that had been invited.  Most of the people who hadn’t responded weren’t coming so there was minimal problems there.

Then calling the people who were invited but responded with more than the addressed people:  I started with the ones that would get upset and say they wouldn’t come if they couldn’t bring three more people to free up space.  The ones that pitched a fit were the ones I wasn’t thrilled about inviting anyway, so side benefit.  Most were apologetic and didn’t think it would be a problem, a few were miffed.  But that was able to get me close enough that we didn’t have to call everyone that added people.  So yeah, start with the no-respondes and keep them at their number, then call the difficult people to see if they’ll either cave or back-out.

All in all, I’m glad I didn’t do the “we have reserved X seats in your honor” because three distantly related family members are coming with some of the not so distant family that was invited (although they don’t live with the people in question).  This may have caused some unintentional hurt feelings if I had done the X seats and since I’m pretty close with the semi-distant family I was happy to just let it slide, so I wouldn’t worry about what you should have done (although I’m guilty of doing that right now with other stuff).

Fiance and our mothers helped make the calls, which definately helped with people his family invited hearing it from them.  It also spreads the stress.

Hang in there.  We’re almost done!

Post # 31
Member
1617 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

That sucks.  I would be stressed too.  I was worried that the enormous amount of people I invited would want to come to our ‘fabulous wedding’ (LOL) and I would be assed out.  However, I did put on the RSVP how many seats I had reserved for each guest so NO one added anyone. Well, except fi’s cousin’s wife who asked me when she got her invitation, if kids were welcomed.  I told her of course so added her kids, no big deal.

You have to call people and tell them that due to space limitations, you are sorry to tell them that you can’t add their additions to the guest list and hope they understand.

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