(Closed) RSVP Causing Stress

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
278 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

If the friend won’t know anyone at the wedding, I’d say to let him bring the sister – but it sounds like he knows your group of friends?

It’s annoying when people put you in these awkward situations. I would call or email and say (probably more tactfully) that you’re sorry the girlfriend couldn’t make it since you were really looking to celebrate with her and due to budget/space/guest list constraints, it was really meant as a personal invitation to her and not for any additional guests. Then maybe mention how much fun it’ll be to see him and some of the other people you know in common so he knows there’ll be other people he knows there.

Post # 4
647 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I agree that you should address it with her – don’t encourage bad behavior by letting the sister come.  I agree with bmore, just phone call to him or her (whoever you are closer to) and explain that you are trying to keep the wedding guests to people you know best and that the invite was intended for the two of them.  Explain you’re sorry you’ll miss her, but the four of you should do something together soon.

If your fiance is better friends with this couple, or if they’re on his guest list, he should be the one to make the call.

Post # 5
234 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I still don’t understand how people think that they get to decide who comes to your wedding instead of you.  Even if the sister was a wonderful charming person, it would still be rude to just inform you she was coming, instead of asking if it would be ok.  That fact that she sounds like a walking ball of drama is just icing on the cake.  Your Fiance should call and say you’re sorry that girlfriend can’t make it, but the invite was for him and her, not him and guest.  You have a limited number of invitations, and you’re afraid that you already have a waiting list of people to invite as people rsvp no, and that’s how you’ll be using girlfriend’s headcount.  Apologize for the confusion (just to be gracious), make plans to get together before/after the wedding, and be firm.  This a lucky circumstance where what you want to do (prevent the drama chick from coming) happens to be etiquettely correct!

Post # 7
2641 posts
Sugar bee

Ugg.  With the way that sister is, maybe the girlfriend shouldn’t trust her sister with her boyfriend, at a wedding.  Geesh.

Hopefully it will go over well.  But if he doesn’t want to come alone, and just ends up declining, don’t hold it against him.  (I’m just curious if his girlfriend brought it up as something for her sister to do, and he went along.  Or if he is uncomfortable going alone, and will otherwise not go.)

Post # 8
2703 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

agree with the other posts, you should definitely just be direct and give her/him a call… just reason with them, let her know that you’re disappointed she can’t make it, but explain the reasons why her sis wouldn’t be a good substitue, esp with the comfortability of other guests/wedding party.

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