(Closed) RSVP date has passed, what to do about people who haven't RSVP?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
3176 posts
Sugar bee

I would love to say, “Just assume they are not coming,” but that is not always the case. You’ll probably have to chase them down.

The only people who did not bother to send back an RSVP were my two brothers, a cousin of FH, and his aunt and uncle. His mom handled his side and I handled my side.

I sent my brothers a message that said, “RSVPs need to be in. Please let me know if you are coming.” Instead of letting me know, they both sent me a message saying, “Oh, sorry, I forgot about that. I’ll send it in.” (Brothers can be so annoying – I asked, “Are you coming?” not “Please send it back.”) My little brother did but my older one did not. Finally, I sent a message to my older brother that said, “We are spending $200/person on this wedding. Are you coming or not? We can give your seat away if you are not coming.” I finally got the, “Oh yeah, sorry, I’m coming” message back. So annoying.

Post # 4
853 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

You have to track them down. 

Call them: “Oh, hello, _____(name___. How are you? I just wanted to follow up to see if you were attending my wedding, since the RSVP date already passed. We’d like you to be there, and we need to give the venue final counts.”

If you leave a VM, include: “I do need to know by __(date)__ or else I will not be able to change the number of guests to include you. Thank you!”

Post # 5
965 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I think this happens to everyone!  First take a deep breath and a sip of wine and try to let your irritation with the slackers roll off your back 😉  I went through our list and divided the non-RSVP’s up into my group and his group.  I gave his list to him and his mom and they had the answers back to me within 3-4 days.  Although I’m sure I’ll get my hand slapped by the etiquette police, I reached out to my remaining guests via email or Facebook messages.  Half of them, I did not have contact numbers for so I figured this was the quickest and easiest way to reach them.  We had 100% RSVP by the end of that week.  Good luck!  You’ll get it all figured out!

Post # 6
1115 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Track em down, but enlist help.  Ie:  if they are your friend/relative you reach out to them or have your mom/dad IF they are your FI’s friend/relative have him reach out to them or his parents.  We had to do this and it worked well.  We were able to determine everyone’s status except for one couple (FI’s dad’s friends) but we just assumed they were a no, and they were 🙂  You can’t just assume they are all no’s at this point though b.c we had some say yes who hadn’t responded!  One of FI’s friends literally said “I thought you just “knew” we were coming”  DUHHHHHH 


Post # 7
9457 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013


it is perfectly acceptable to call people.

have your mother call her friends and family, his mother call her friends and family.  and you can split the friends list between the two of you.

Post # 8
7643 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

I wish I only had 20 to call when I got married! But that’s what you need to do–call them and find out. I gave them 3 days to get back to me before I marked them no. Most people were at home. We usually called at like 7PM on a weeknight because most people are usually home.

Post # 9
11231 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

We’re leaving a two week cushion between our RSVP date and when we NEED the responses. I’ll be splitting up tracking down duties between whoever (so Future Mother-In-Law for her side, Fiance for dad’s side, grandma for mine) and they get one phone call to RSVP otherwise they will not be coming.

Post # 10
1357 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I asked the mothers for help tracking people down on both sides of the family, which took some of the stress off of me. For friends, we just called them to ask them directly if they were coming.


What sucks is, even some of the people we hunted down and they said “yes, I’ll come” didn’t end up showing, and some of the people we hunted down that said they wouldn’t come did show up at the reception. I guess it all evened out, but seriously, does no one understand the purpose of the RSVP?

Post # 11
2702 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@emricmacy:  Yep.  It’s annoying, but it’s perfectly acceptable to call, text, or email asking if they think we’ll attend.  We actually had 2 maybe 3 guests who’s invitations got lost in the mail.

Post # 12
722 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@emricmacy:  I agree with PP, hunt them down! I’d hate for someone to not RSVP, assume they aren’t coming than show up. And, I’d also hate to assume they are coming, have a place set, etc. and they not show.

Post # 13
2597 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@emricmacy:  Yep, you have to chase them down.  Call or send an e-mail nicely saying you haven’t received their RSVP and could they please let you know as soon as possible if they plan to attend?

If you don’t hear back in a week – follow up.  As them to let you know by a specific date – in two or three days.

If you don’t hear back by that date e-mail or call a final time to say cheerfully but firmly that since you haven’t heard from them you’ve had to turn in your final guest count and you’re sorry they won’t be able to join you but you hope you can catch up soon. 

You can also skp right over the second follow up and go straight to “so sorry you won’t be there” if you like. 

Good luck!

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