(Closed) R.S.V.P Deadlines

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
3265 posts
Sugar bee


Don’t stress.

1).  It takes 3 minutes to book a room.  If they can’t find 3 minutes in 4 weeks it’s unlikely they will spare 7 hours for your wedding.  And honestly, if you snooze you lose.

2)  I would work with your venue.  It is not reasonable that they need the headcount that early.  It’s not like they will be buying food a month early.  I’d ask if you can tell them a number then and then change it.


I wouldn’t send out my invitations early, as I agree it makes it seem as though you think everyone should prioritze your event as much as you do.  Which is impolite, IMO.

So don’t worry about the rooms, but see if the venue is flexible.  I suspect you will always be able to raise the #, but possibly not lower it after Sept.  So just low ball that number and then add as needed. 


Post # 4
2610 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - Madison, WI

We sent out our Save the Dates 10 months in advanced and our invites will be sent out between 3 monthx – 2.5 months in advanced for pretty much the same reasons you gave. Plus almost all our guests are from out of town.

Without sending invites yet our hotel block is almost sold out. Most people booked rooms when receiving their Save the Date cards.

Our RSVP is also about 30 days from the wedding date.

It just is how it needs to be, I wouldn’t really think much of it. I can never remember receiving a wedding invitation and giving any thought to the fact that I thought it was sent too early. I prefer knowing in advance. I have gotten ones where I thought it was sent a little late, like 2-3 weeks before the actual wedding with one week to reply.

Post # 5
2533 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I gave my guests 30 days to RSVP!!!
They were due Feb 1st. Out of 130 invites, I’ve gotten about 115 responses as of this Saturday, which was 1 week past the deadline. So it’s just chasing down those few extra people.

Our hotel room block rate is over (ended Jan 28th), but we got enough people in the hotel to do the included shuttle. Anyone else who waited to book? Honestly NOT MY PROBLEM, I gave them AMPLE time (even called the hotel and extended the deadline by a week!!)

I think it’s fine to send your invites out early, especially with your deadlines… that way, you have some extra time to chase down RSVP’s and answer questions.
Honestly, I WISH I had sent mine out earlier… we sent them the first week of January (about 2 months) and I’ve found that a lot of people just plain don’t read the invitation. I was answering a lot of redundant questions!

Also, yes – I’d give your venue a call and check to see if they need the FINAL headcount by the 30th, or if it can be a preliminary headcount. Agreed that raising the number would most likely be less hassle than lowering it (because in the venues eyes, hey, more money!)
Our venue needs the final headcount… the day before.

Post # 7
2712 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@andielovesj:  +1

1. For the hotel block, I think it’s standard for the discounted rate to expire 30 days before the wedding.  I’m pretty sure that’s what happened with my wedding and I know that’s what happened with my cousin’s and brother’s weddings.  So I wouldn’t worry about that.  The purpose of Save-The-Date Cards is to give people a heads up so they can start making travel and lodging arrangements.  Plus, hotels usually have easy cancellation policies. So guests can always book a hotel, then cancel if they decide later that they can’t come.

2. I second they idea of talking to your venue about when they need the numbers.  Perhaps they gave a deadline of 4 weeks because other brides kept forgetting to give their numbers at 2 weeks or tried to change their numbers 1-2 weeks before the wedding.  So they did 4 to give some extra buffer.  I’d ask what their flexibility is and if you can give a preliminary count at 4 weeks then a final at 2 or something.


Good luck and don’t stress!


Post # 8
4044 posts
Honey bee

We had our website up and running, before we sent the StDs out – 10.5 months before the wedding. We had the information, and had signed contracts, with 4 different hotels, for room blocks. All the information was included on the guest information page, of the website. The website was on the StD magnets.

At my shower, my mother (host of wedding) will make an announcement regarding the RSVP date and room blocks. We’re sending out the invitations May 14th – which I know is early, but the 1st of the room blocks expire July 14th. We’re giving our guests ample opportunity to book rooms, using the blocks. Everyone has to travel – either 1.5 hours west or 3.5 hours east. Most of the rooms can be cancelled, wthout penalty 24-48 hours before arrival.

Included in the shower announcement is the fact that once the blocks are full, that’s it – it’s first come 1st served. We have more than enough rooms blocked, however, guests may not be able to get their first choice of accomodations, if they wait too long. The RSVP date is 2 weeks before we have to have some numbers in, so it gives us 2 weeks to chase down RSVPs. Although our final meals number isn’t due until the week of the wedding, chair cover rentals, the number of centerpieces, etc., are due a month before.  

Post # 9
1772 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

A bunch of our guests asked us to set the RSVP deadline at least a month before venue needed info and at least a month before room block ended. They said that they’re procrastinators and wanted a month after RSVP deadline for us to track them down and remind them before room block expired. 

we sent out hotel and flight info w save the dates and it’s been on our website since a year out, but most guests admitted they wouldn’t book anything until after they got the invites. Nobody thought 5-6 months out was too early. 

We’re having a domestic destination wedding in an expensive, popular location and all guests will need hotel rooms and need flights (or drive over 6 hours). We’re also doing 2 rounds of invites and want to give the 2nd wave at least 3 months notice. Because of all this, we’re sending our invites out much earlier than most bees, but it’s just right for our guests. 

Post # 10
594 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

My guests will have 30 days to RSVP, and I don’t even have to have everything in a month early (which is insane, btw, why would a venue need a month?). The way I look at it, I want to give them enough time to work out their schedules to see if they can make it, and give them enough time to procrastinate on sending back the response cards, but not enough time for them to forget about it and never send them. Then I will have two weeks before I owe the head count to follow up on anybody who didn’t respond, and to organize the seating chart. My save the dates went out 9 months in advance.  

Dont worry about offending anybody by sending them out too early or giving to little time (which you’re doing neither). People find crap to complain about without having any idea what your motivation was. You know what you need to do, they should know to understand that. 

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