Post # 1
We’re in the lovely waiting for RSVPs stage. We sent ours out about 1.5 months ago and our deadline is in two weeks. We also did STDs about 5 months ago.
So here’s my new rant about RSVPs (now I know why every bride is stressed out by RSVPs). WHY do people who received STDs still supposedly mistaken the date of your wedding and book trips that coincide with your wedding date? Now, I don’t expect people to change their plans or cancel if they book a year out but seriously, how can you say to me that you thought my wedding was on a different date or a week before or whatever when you received a STD? Further, if you did book a vacation, I’m assuming that by the time you received my invitation, you would’ve known and could RSVP me back ASAP with decline, rather than waiting 1.5 month to tell me. That way, I could’ve given your spot to someone else. Now it is pretty much too late to add someone else without making them seem like filler.
Post # 3
Because people are human and they make mistakes. You just have to roll with it. It sucks, but people get confused, distracted, etc. and do stupid things all the time, and sometimes it impacts innocent third parties.
Post # 4
@lilbluebird: Going through this right now. A close friend of mine just told me that her boyfriend accidentally booked their Hawaii vacation for the weekend of our wedding and there’s a $400 charge to change the date. My first reaction (in my head) was, “So your boyfriend is out $400, then, right?” They could pay it, but they wouldn’t. If I were in her shoes and she was getting married and Fiance accidentally blorped up and booked a trip that weekend, I’d send him on the trip with his best friend in my place.
We sent the STDs in January, Invitations in May, and she told me last weekend.
Post # 5
Sorry, not everyone gets a STD and immediately puts it in their calendar. Personally, I do book vacations 6+months in advance depending on where/what the reason is for the trip. So I can understand if some people had already made plans to travel the weekend of your wedding.
Post # 6
@lilbluebird: Maybe they are just using that as an excuse and they never intended to attend your wedding. As far as the time for the response, I get the impression that when you put the RSVP by date, it does not occur to most people that you might want it any sooner than that date.
Post # 7
People are lazy, procastinators, ill mannered, and a number of other ‘excuses’.
I know of a bride who ‘ranted’ over this same thing, yet 1 year later she did not RSVP at all for another friend’s wedding. I don’t get it.
Wonder if anyone has tried ‘respond by _ _/ _ _/ _ _ or this invitation is rescinded’? Probably woudn’t go over well but its tempting.
Post # 8
@Zusie: Exactly, if you say the cutoff for RSVP is June 20 then you can and will get RSVP’s all the way up to June 20, sometimes even later. If you want them in earlier, then you need to make your cut-off earlier.
Also when you send invites and STD’s too early, people often don’t make the connection, like I have known all year that the 4th of July is going to be in the first week of July, but I am just not making the connection that it’s 2 weeks from now. It’s hard to describe but time just starts getting all weird once you get past about 22 and even those with the best of intentions might end up double-booked.
And as harsh as it may sound, sending an invite doesn’t 100% guarantee it will be accepted. Guests are free to book vacations, plan parties, and decide to sit at home and stare at the walls rather than go to your wedding if that’s what they want to do. Don’t try to infer any social slight when someone chooses to do something else (unless they’ve RSVP’ed yes and then cancel— you can be mad over that).
Post # 9
@MOB1time: We’re doing a somewhat softened version of that, actually! “If no reply is received by (date), we will assume you are unable to attend.”
Post # 10
@Zusie: You’re right; I have definitely noticed that people literally will wait until the deadline to send it in. My advice now for future brides is definitely to ask for it sooner and not base it off your caterer’s timeline!
I can understand booking vacations super early in advance, especially in prime travel months, like the middle of summer. What I don’t get is that if you knew by the time you got the STD, why didn’t you tell me then? Conversely, if you didn’t book it until the STD was delivered, then when the invitation arrived, why wouldn’t you think “Hmmm, that date sounds familiar. I think I have a vacation booked around the middle of that month that I’ve been looking forward to. Let me check my calendar.” and then RSVP right away since you already know. I don’t even need the card; even a quick, “Ooops, we are booked” via text/email/phone/etc. would suffice. We had some family members who have had this summer booked up quite some time ago and as soon as they found out about our wedding, they told me that they weren’t free.
Ugh, that sucks. I can’t believe he didn’t double-check with her. Fiance and I always double-check with our work and personal schedules before booking trips, even weekend trips (in case one of us might have a crazy work project due that Monday).
It’s true. Still sucks though!
Haha, that’s tempting, although since these are friends and family we’ve invited, I guess it’s in my benefit that they show up?
Post # 11
@fishbone: Agreed that they don’t have to choose my wedding over anything, but I feel like if you knew all along that you weren’t going to come (because a vacation to some across the world isn’t exactly something you just do on the fly – unlike camping/Vegas for example), then how hard is it to text/call/email/Facebook/tweet/send a carrier pigeon/anything to let me know right away? I mean, invitations were sent out literally 1.5 month ago.
Post # 12
Because people totally forget and often the wedding is not at the top of the list. Or they actually are excited to come but events that are more immediate to them come up and they forget. I sympathize. I’m going throught this right now with people that I am shocked aren’t coming after they have been talking about coming for months. And I’ll have to follow up on a bunch of people whi didn’t RSVp though the deadline was Friday. Just have a great time on your day!
Post # 13
@gaucho25: I like your way of thinking! Yes, I know it’s just bothering me now because it happened today and recently, but I know when it’s the day-of, I’m not going to care and just have a good time.
I guess I just expect everyone to be like Fiance and I where we always mark everything down on calendars and triple-check everything before we book.
Post # 14
A STD doesn’t require a reply. In fact it is just an FYI to the guests that they are important to you, and you would like their attendance.
Neither that or am invitation is a summons. People are free to accept ot decline as you see fit. And it is perfectly polite to decline for whatever reason. You want to stay home to wash your hair, clean out your closets, ponder Global Warming you’re in the clear. So long as you RSVP by the deadline and possibly send your well wishes to the couple.
To me my vacation is WAY more important to me then a wedding. While I would try to book around it, if I forgot or that wasn’t possible, because of a big project at work or vacation days or becaise it was cheaper to book during your wedding I would. Your wedding is most important to you, not your guests.
Post # 15
This happened to us and I am not bothered about it at all….I mean I would love my friend to be there and I sent out the STD a year to the day before the wedding. Invites went out 3 months before the wedding with the RSVP deadline 2 months before the wedding (so we had plenty of time before caterer deadlines to pull in the late ones!)
Then she said her husband had surprised her with a holiday of a lifetime!…I don’t know if it was because he didn’t know the date, or if that is the only time they could go but I am not going to get upset about it. I would have been more bothered if she hadn’t said anything and just not turned up. So even though she said yes to the STD peoples plans change.
Post # 16
Yes it is definitely true. There are the types who plan around these dates and mark it on their calendars way beforehand. I’ve flown all over the country even when I was broke to attend weddings of friends and even bridal showers. So it sucks when others don’t do the same. Some people you can get upset with and some people are just disorganized. Either way, I’m trying to focus on the people who are there and some who are flying from outside the US to come to this. You’ll have a great time! And hey more time to actually talk to people.