Post # 1
So, we invited around 170-180 people total…and had been expecting around 100ish. The RSVP deadline is this Saturday (20th) and including ourselves and our 2 photogs, we’re at like 80 people.
Granted we aren’t having a "local" wedding. Our families are spread out everywhere in the country and most are not within a decent driving distance of the wedding. (Although some that haven’t responded are like..1 hour away)
This is considerably less than I thought we were going to have, and I’ll be honest when I say that some of the no’s we’ve received as well as the lack of any response at all…really kinda hurt my feelings.
For those of you who are in the RSVP process or past it, what have you done to keep your spirits up? It’s so hard not to stress out over all the people we haven’t gotten a response from, be sad about the no’s, etc.
I need some advice!
Post # 3
Were having a local wedding and we have 120 people out of 210 coming.
If they aren’t coming, fine, screw ’em! If they don’t get back to me, well, that shows that they have zero manners and tact in my book! And i dont’ want people like that at my wedding…I just sot of justify it. You might have to get on the phone and call. Or rather have Future Mother-In-Law do it. Or you’ll end up listening to their lame excuses for 20 minutes.
Post # 4
Lol yeah…I’m trying to be all strong and be like "well, they don’t wanna come? Fine!"
It’s just hard when it’s people you really thought would try to be there and all that….that and I really hate when people have poor communication/etiquette skills. lol
Post # 5
I had the same thing happen to me. My family is all in Florida, and my groom’s family was all in Wisconsin and we were getting married in New York. We invited 340 people and expected 250. We got 190 people. Most of the nos were from the groom’s family as they were older and some didn’t have the funds for flight and hotel, etc. We still had an amazing wedding and were very happy with the results even if everyone couldn’t be there with us.
Post # 6
The RSVP process is weird, isn’t it? I had a whole section of my extended family pitch a big fit about wanting invitations, and then they proceded to turn us down like right after they got their invitations. It was really annoying.
There are always going to be less people than you invited because of schedule conflicts, the economy and other issues.
Keep telling yourself that each "No" RSVP means that your wedding will be cheaper and that the people who will be there are really dedicated to your wedding and marriage. That is what matters!
It’s hard to not let it get to you, but try not to take these things personally!
Now if only I could get all the stragglers to RSVP!
Post # 7
We invited around 125 people, were expecting 80, and ended up with 57 (including my husband and me). It was hugely diappointing to me that people who had 1)promised they’d be there or 2)are super important people in our lives didn’t come, or even worse, didn’t even RSVP! All of my husband’s attending family members included his parents, one of his sisters, one aunt, and one uncle. I only had my parents, my sisters, my nephew, my grandma, a great aunt, and two distant cousins. Family made up at least 3/4 of our guest list! Luckily, we invited a lot of co-workers, or we would’ve had about a 25 person wedding.
I know how disappointing it is, and honestly, trying to convince myself that it didn’t matter didn’t help me much. As the wedding gets closer you’ll be distracted by all the to-do items you have, and then you won’t be concentrating on that disappointment. In fact, now I don’t feel bad about it at all. But for me, it just took a little time and distraction to feel better before the wedding. 🙂
Post # 8
I would have been there Mrs. Spring!
Post # 9
Ah, doctorgirl, I am smiling so big right now! You’re such a sweetie…
Post # 10
Thanks for the responses so far ladies! It makes me feel better that I’m not the only one this stuff happened to…weddings really bring out a lot of emotions you didn’t know you had don’t they?
And…in a way it really kinda shows you who your true friends are you know? Granted you can’t say someone isn’t your friend because they couldn’t come for a legitimate reason but…the no response ones really make you re-evaluate some things.
Post # 11
Wow, this is good to know! We’re still a year away from our wedding, but we (more like I) was stressing out about the guest list already. We want to keep the # of guests to 130-140 (due to venue size and money constraints), but we have about 180+ on our preliminary guest list. I always heard to expect 10% to rsvp "no"… but from this thread, it’s more like 40%?!
@krgk84– did you happen to send out Save the Dates for your Out of Town wedding?
Post # 12
@ddubzz YEP, sure did. We sent out save the date postcards in January….which is another reason why I’m like…SERIOUSLY people?
Post # 13
I think the number most planning sites talk about is 60% ddubzz. It depends whether your wedding is local or destination, and where your invitees live. I think they say something like 30% for destination!
We’ve made our wedding destination for us, but local for everyone else and we’re at 77%. I don’t expect that number to get much higher with only a month to go.
Post # 14
aw, sweet, you want everyone to come; me I certainly wouldnt mind a few no’s and stop add-ons.
because of the extremely expensive way of life in NYC I only planned on a party of 50; more people were added, and an aunt from across the world may actually make it; plus my bro and cousin are adding thier kids (I only met my niece once, and cousins kid once!) I cant say no; then my fiance added his closest friends (I cant say no because he only has 4 immediate family, and 3 best friends hes from England); so now I have 60 expected guests
I sure wouldnt mind a lower number so I can save dinero; my venue is pricey and the only way I could have afforded it was to keep the party very small
my rsvp rate is now 45 yes’s out of 60, (it’s 246/head–so each guest was carefully chosen) it’s 3 months away, I’m waiting for the nos to come in; the rates are going to be high because its mostly immediate family, best friends and local friends
I’ll trade my yes’s for your no’s
Post # 15
Yikes! I’m worried about this also. We are inviting about 100 people and expecting about 80. But I’m worried that a big chunk of my family won’t come (most live in other states) and it will be mostly my fiance’s family and friends-not that I don’t love them, I do, I just want my people there. And I already know that my brother and his wife most likely won’t attend due to family drama (looonnng story for another time). So that kind bothers me too.
I guess all you can do is enjoy your time with the one’s that show up. The bright side is, you’ll be able to spend more time with your guests at the reception. It will be more intimite and meaningful.
Post # 16
While a few no’s are expected and even welcome in terms of numbers/cost, what hurts the most is the absence of the most important people. FH has a very small family and his grandfather and his wife won’t be coming. An uncle may also not come, which means that 30% of his family won’t be there, which is huge to him especially when my family alone is 40% of the entire guest list (friends –ours and our parents– make up the difference).