Post # 1
I am getting married in April 2019 in South Africa we and all our families live in the UK so a long haul flight. We are sending out our invites in April 2019. One year in advance along with a pretty detailed website containing information on where to stay, what hotels to book etc. The website will become the hub of wedding information from that point onwards.
we want to include a small RSVP card in the invites but don’t want people to RSVP yet nor will they be using these cards to RSVP that will be done online.
We want to use the RSVP card to make them aware of the deadline (November) but direct them to the website where they will then be told that RSVP are not yet open but submit their email address to receive a notification 1 month before the deadline. know they have a good few months to plan their trip. Officially RSVPs need to be in by Jan for hotels blocks etc so to misc xmas we are not setting it too early.
sooo, the question is which wording do you prefer
Kindly Respond by November 31st
we have reserved ___ seats in your honour
RSVP at insert wedding address
(Not on invite – on the website request email address entry so that we remind guests of RSVP deadline closer to the date)
Kindly Respond by November 31st
We have reserved _____ seats in your honour
Please go the the wedding website to enter your email address to receive a notification email 1 month before RSVPs are required.
Thanks in advance! And if you can think of a better way to do this let me know!?
Post # 2
I would do a Save the Date in April with your wedding website information.
With so much time between the invite and RSVP, I would likely be confused or lose the invitation.
If that wouldn’t work, I would definitely do Option 2 so guests know you’ll remind them if they provide an email.
Post # 3
I’m not sure I like either option – I thought save the date option mentioned by PP was better.
Mostly I just came to say make sure you proofread before selecting either option – November only has 30 days.
Post # 4
I think you should send a save the date instead of an invite at this time. A whole year is a long time to lose the wedding website information and forget all about submitting an email address. Include the website info on the save the date and then send a formal invitation closer to time.
Post # 5
Echoing the previous posters – send a save the date and follow up with the formal invitations closer to the wedding date
Post # 6
Yep, what they all said. It’s not practical to send invitations a year out. I know you’re trying to be sure everyone has time to make arrangements, but that’s what Save The Dates were invented for. Also, why do you need RSVPs 5 months out? Most caterers only need final numbers a week or 2 in advance. Even if you’re paying for the hotel rooms, you said that doesn’t need to be finalized until January. And if you’re not paying for the rooms, then how does the Jan room block deadline affect your RSVPs?
Post # 7
Fellow Destination Wedding bride here.
Do a save the date 1 year in advance. Why is your deadline November for an April wedding? That is waaay too long. people may not even be able to book time off until the new year. I would push back with your hotel about moving the deadline until Feb.
Post # 8
Thanks for all of the replies.
the issue is save the date has already gone we wanted to give people as much notice as possible which meant about a year and a half notice. Which I am happy with and is done so if we could not get into the whole it was too early debate please.
It worked for my family in the sense that they know what to expect and when also some family were planning things for that year already but nothing was confirmed so it was good to get in early. So I can’t do that option. Also hardly anyone has done anything because they are waiting for more information which is part of the cause of the dilemma. It seems their understanding of the save the date is different. It’s a literally save the date the end!
Others who are more on it, are already asking for wedding block info etc and look to be getting ready to book as soon as flights are available which would coincide with the invite postage if we went with April.
i was thinking November to avoid it getting forgotten in december with all the holiday stuff. They could RSVP later they would just miss some bedrooms blocks. Some are released in Feb soy here will still be options. To be fair I think most will have booked long before then.
thanks! My partner just put in any date but yes absolutely right!!!
So then now we we have a 3rd option. Email everyone the website link so they have all the info they need and can make arrangements. Then send the invite later on in the year.
Does se that make more sense? Does that not make the invites sort of redundant especially as the RSVP will be online?
Should we just not do invites then?
i swear this has been the hardest part about the whole thing so far sigh!
Post # 9
Send the website now without the formal invitation.
Maybe with a message letting them know there is a website with all the information they need to start booking their trip and that formal invitations will follow.
Post # 10
Send all the information, along with the website information. You could put something like ‘formal invitation to follow at a later date’. With destination weddings you can never be too far in advance with all the details!
Post # 11
Yes, sending the website now and formal invitation later makes more sense and is not redundant. One is a heads up, one is the actual invitation.
The invitation is for a specific event – your wedding and reception. Unless you are arranging and paying for flights and accommodations, you don’t need to know anything else other than will they be attending the wedding and reception so you can give a head count to your caterer – which is not something your caterer needs 5 months in advance. Even for hotel blocks, you don’t need to know….they just need to know that the block ends by January so if they want a guaranteed room they need to book by that date, but they are free to go wild on their own and book anywhere they want any other time.
You aren’t inviting people to take a specific flight with you. You aren’t inviting people to hang out at the airport or stay in a hotel room with you. All you are doing is giving them a heads up that the event you will formally be inviting them to later is going to be in a far away location that will require greater than usual planning on their part if they want to attend and the website is a courtesy to provide them information to make booking easier. But if they think they can’t afford it and then get a windfall like an inheritance or bonus at their job for Christmas and now suddenly they can afford it and want to book a flight and make their own arrangements, that is their prerogative. You don’t need to know how the sausage gets made…You just need to know the end result in time to let your caterer know the final number a couple weeks in advance, just like any other wedding. It is everyone else’s responsibility to figure out the logistics of how to attend the actual event. I guarantee asking for commitments too far in advance will drive you crazy because people who seemed so excited will have a change in heart or circumstances later and change their plans and you may have some who seemed like firm no’s have a change in situation that now allows them.
Post # 12
I agree with you 100% put people are acting as though they have never booked a holiday in their life! Which is absolutely NOT the case! I wanted to have as little to do with their arrangements as possible but due to all the questions we have put together a very detailed website and the room blocks to help.
but no I don’t want to be involved in their plans. I would like to know who is coming sooner rather than later for the pre wedding activities as we need to know numbers for these but they can wait until early 2019.
i think website email once flights go live and then invites to follow is the way forward. Now to convince the fiancé as he is uber keen on the invites ASAP.
thanks for the help all!
Post # 13
For UK guests you just need to say RSVP via the website by X date.
The ‘reserved X number of seats’ thing is a very American phrase and won’t make sense to UK guests.
The other thing I will say, when planning a wedding it is so tempting to try to organise everyone. Your guests are adults, they know that flights get more expensive the closer you get to the wedding, they know hotels book up, they know they need to RSVP. Try not to add extra stress for yourself by planning their holiday for them.
Post # 14
thanks, yes you are right with the trying to organise too much. I am also an event planner so makes the temptation that much worse.
we wanted the number of seats in to dissuade people from inviting non invited guests. There is defiantely the risk of people ignoring the naked people on the invite and assuming the entire family is invited.
If you ahve another way we way we can avoid this I am open to any suggestions!
Post # 15
Naked people on your invite …ooo Matron… 🙂
When people RSVP, if they RSVP for more than the number invited you just need to tell them. The thing is, with a destination wedding you are less likely to get randoms rsvp’d for as it is not like they are just going down the road for it.
It is pretty standard that if you’re name isn’t on the invite, you’re not invited