(Closed) RSVP drama

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
10070 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

People who added kids – Tell them it’s a child free wedding.

Uncle – He should get a plus one. Sorry.

For the other issue I’m not sure what to tell you. I’m assuming you didn’t have a back up plan for RSVPs with no name so I guess just wait until the deadline hits and reach out to those that haven’t responded and see if one of them says they sent it.

Post # 3
Member
263 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

Did you write on the invite that it was a adult only wedding? 

I wish I could give you advice about the anonymous guest. You didn’t have a place for them to write their names on the rsvp card?

As for the uncle. I’d tell him that you’re only inviting long term SO’s, married couples, and engaged couples so you can’t accommodate +1’s.

Post # 4
Member
1364 posts
Bumble bee

1) Check the postmark on the RSVP. It’s likely you can figure it out that way. If not, wait for the rest of the RSVPs and see who you’re missing.

2) Call the person who RSVPed for 4 and tell them that you’re sorry but you’re not able to accommodate extra guests. If they say that they can’t come without their children, tell them that you’ll miss them but you understand.

3) If your uncle considers him in a relationship, that person should have been invited by name on their invitation. Let him bring her.

Post # 5
Member
7642 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

alliegeeb :  This may not be a popular opinion, but…

I think you are making a mistake inviting some children in the family but not others, just because some are in the wedding. (Unless there is a significant age reason, like the not invited ones are toddlers who won’t know what’s going on anyway). Because it can cause family tension. 

* What are the ages of the children?

* Did you make it clear to the parents, when you asked their children to be in the wedding, that their other children would not be invited?

My feeling is you may need to invite the whole family.

Post # 9
Member
1364 posts
Bumble bee

alliegeeb :  I get it. We are inviting SOs we’ve never met of FI’s family members, meaning we can’t invite friends we want to invite…we’re having a <30 person wedding. It sucks. But, it’s the right thing to do. It’s one person, and shouldn’t make that much of a difference in your day.

Post # 10
Member
1800 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I only invited my children and my only nice and nephew and it wasn’t a problem at all.  I had them all picked up after the meal and speeches so everyone could enjoy an adult only evening. I would politely ring the couple who added their children and explain that you are sorry you cannot accommoedate their children as it is an adult only affair, except those children included in the wedding. I would let the uncle just bring the girlfriend, doesnt seem worth the hassle.  I had someone who didnt write ther name so I just waited till the deadline and called everyone who hadnt replied.

Post # 11
Member
263 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

alliegeeb :  That’s strange that they didn’t put their names on the rsvp.

I don’t care what weddingbee says. I’m putting Adult Only on my invitation or rsvp cards because my FI’s family “forget” or “didn’t hear”.

Post # 12
Member
2628 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

I know it’s too late for you, but for others reading: we numbered our RSVPs so any that came back without names we could look up. As for the kids, the second thing happened to us. Fiance just called and explained it. They were totally fine with leaving their kids at home and it was an ho est mistake. We also had a person rsvp with a random girlfriend today too. We are going to let it slide since we have had some declines. (We gave plus ones to everyone but FI’s second cousins since none of them were dating anyone and we figured they could hang out together. Oh well)

Post # 13
Member
2655 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

1) I don’t think there’s much you can do about the anonymous RSVP until the deadline has passed or you’ve gotten them all in. If you receive them all, you should be able to work out who it is by process of elimination. If the deadline has passed and there are still outstanding RSVPs, do a call around to everyone who’s missing.

2) Call up the parents who added their kids and explain that the invitation was only for them and you’re unable to accommodate their children; if this means they’re unable to attend you understand. If you’re having some kids there, even if it’s only the kids in the wedding, my advice is not to tell them that you’re having an adults only wedding – they might get stroppy when they arrive only to see that there are some kids there.

3) I’m not generally in the camp of every adult guest receiving a plus one. We’ve given anyone who’s in a relationship a plus one, but anyone who is genuinely single is being invited alone. Was the uncle in a relationship, to your knowledge, when you sent invites out? If not, then I’d probably have your Fiance call him up and explain that the invitation was only for him and you’re sorry but you cannot accommodate his new girlfriend. If he was, then you might have to suck it up and invite her, even if you haven’t met her – if he goes through girlfriends as quickly as you say, they may not even be together by the wedding day anyway.

Post # 14
Member
7642 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

alliegeeb :  Sorry, I misread. You’re certainly not obliged to invite those children then.

Post # 15
Member
731 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

alliegeeb :  about the rude family: wow bee! That is tough.

I’m not really sure how to fix it other than calling and politely explaining that the invite was for so and so only. Is there a parent or parents you can enlist to help? I ask because sometimes having a third party do this can help people get with the program. I’m always a bit worried about blowback or being chewed out by angry parents.

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