Post # 1
So, we are on a budget, and did not give everybody plus one’s for our wedding, including some of my cousins who are young and unmarried, as well as 2 of FI’s cousins, who are 19 and 20-something, who are in relatively recent relationships at the moment, not engaged or married. This was at the suggestion of Fiance and Future Mother-In-Law, who did not feel it was necessary to give them plus ones, since they both still live at home, are pretty young, and nobody honestly expects these relationships to last.
They will have TONS of family at this wedding, including their mother! No reason they should feel like they can’t attend without a plus one.
So, we sent an invite to their mother and her partner, and one to the cousins together. The one from the cousins came back today with their names as attending, and underneath the reply responses, they wrote in “4 PEOPLE” (yes, underlined, just like that).
On the front of the reply card, I had a cute little mock ticket, which allowed the guests to check “admit one” or “admit two” (this was not the official reply spot, just a cute part of the front design). They wrote there again, “4 people”.
Who does that??? Knowing FI’s family, I will probably have to let them come, even though I have not invited some of my own friends in order to accomadate some of his extended family, who (according to FI) would come anyway, even if we didn’t invite them.
Post # 3
@MsBlackberry: That sucks. I think your Fiance and/or Future Mother-In-Law should speak with them. It is so rude to bring uninvited guests, especially when it is so clear who is (and isn’t) invited.
Post # 4
Agreed. Have Fiance and FML talk to them. It’s unfair when friends were cut from the list that they bring uninvited guests.
Post # 5
Who does that? Nineteen and 20-something year old kids who are unfamiliar with wedding etiquette. I’d be filling them in really quickly though, hehe. No kids are going to strong arm me into paying for their new SOs to attend my wedding. But I’m a hard ass;)
Post # 6
Yep, I agree with PPs. Let your Fiance or Future Mother-In-Law handle this one, but I certainly wouldn’t just let it go when you’ve cut friends from the list to accomodate these rude people, and they’re still trying to add on extra! No way.
Post # 7
@BabyCarat: I realize they are young and probably don’t realize just how rude it was to do that… but the invite arrived in the mail at their mother’s house. I would think they would have the sense to ask her, at the very least, if they were allowed to bring anyone… before just writing it on the card!
Post # 8
@Wonderstruck: I asked Fiance if he would have his mother talk to them, and he was all like, “well, I don’t think it will make a difference”.
Future Mother-In-Law is notorious for letting her fam walk all over her. If the cousins beg, or say it’s not fair, she will quickly relent. 🙁 Fiance is not close to them, and does not even particularly like them, but we could not exclude them for obvious family drama reasons. Also, Fiance is very non confrontational, and just said “well, we will probably have room for 2 more people, since not everyone has RSVP’ed yes.”
Well, yeah, MAYBE. Doesn’t mean it’s not rude, and doesn’t mean I want people I have never met at my wedding, when I have friends of the family who could have been invited.
Post # 9
@MsBlackberry: You would think so, but maybe they didn’t ask her. Either way I’d be putting my foot down on it. It’s your wedding, so things like this are up to you, not your guests.
Post # 10
Ugh, I’m fearing that my cousin will do this. She’s 20 and in a really weird relationship with this kid that no one likes. He’s weird and gross and he isn’t invited.
I’m sorry that your Future Mother-In-Law won’t tell them no, and that your Fiance won’t, either. I’d probably just call them myself and tell them that you cannot accommodate those who weren’t invited.
Post # 11
Your Fiance needs to step up and call them himself and say the invite was for the 2 cousins only, not dates due to space restrictions. I mean there is NO way I would allow that shit to go down when I couldn’t even invite some of MY friends because of space issues.
Have him call them now. It’s your and his wedding, not Future Mother-In-Law or Future Father-In-Law so this is on him to do since it’s his family.
Post # 12
@MsBlackberry: Definitely have Fiance or Future Mother-In-Law talk to them. How rude. Dont give in to them, they’re just being brats.
Post # 13
Send them a bill for the two additional people, LOL.
Seriously, call them up and tell them that your venue is very strict about numbers. Blame it on the fire marshall if you need to.
Post # 14
I’m sorry! Young people/people who have never been engaged don’t realize the stress and thought that goes into invites and numbers. It’s “no big deal” to them. What’s another couple of people? But they aren’t paying for it or planning it. I completely understand you being upset. I’m sure one day when they get married and someone does it to them they’ll understand how stupid it was of them.
Post # 15
@vorpalette: +1. if Future Mother-In-Law can’t handle it, just call and tell them you’re so glad that they’ll be able to attend with their mother, but that unfortunately due to budget and space restrictions, you can’t accommodate their dates and hope they will understand.
Post # 16
You’re not inviting people you want there because your Fiance knew this would happen. That’s ridiculous. You really think that 20year old +1 is going to even remember your most important day in 5 years?
I would have my Future Mother-In-Law make the call, with me sitting there, to talk to her sibling and tell them the cousins can not bring +1’s due to the budget and there isn’t room for them, plus everything you outlined in your first post.