(Closed) RSVP Etiquette

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: RSVP is for....?
    Just me. : (4 votes)
    50 %
    Me and my guest. : (4 votes)
    50 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    2073 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    Humm…that is strange. At first I was inclined to say it was just for you until I read the part about your mom’s only being addressed to her.  I’m assuming your parents are still together, so it may be worth a phone call to the bride or perhaps her mother if she is involved at all in the planning.  

    Post # 4
    Member
    540 posts
    Busy bee

    I would call your friend just to be sure.In general,  I would not even consider attending a wedding that my SO was not invited to as well. However,  I have attended many weddings alone, and only RSVP’d myself, if he had something else to do or if I knew a lot of other people who would be attending, but I want the courtesy of being invited as a couple.

    Post # 5
    Member
    1880 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    Call to ask.

    Post # 6
    Member
    1158 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    I would call her.

    Post # 7
    Member
    2287 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: Central Park

    Sounds like your friend didn’t know how to address them. I would call to ask.

    Post # 8
    Member
    7738 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @Booknerd:  Call and ask. They’ve messed up their invitations, so they’re probably going to get lots of people calling and asking.

    Post # 10
    Member
    1448 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I suppose theoretically it would be for everyone’s name listed on the inner envelope.

    Post # 11
    Member
    1699 posts
    Bumble bee

    @Booknerd:  You say that the invitation is addressed to you “on the outer envelope“. This is actually correct, even for a married couple. In formal social circles in the English-speaking world — with the notable exception of the United States — a family’s or couple’s social correspondence is correctly directed to the individual, by default the lady of the house, who takes responsibility for the family’s social calendar. The other half of the equation of course is that what is inside the envelope, even in the United States, should be addressed to all the people concerned. Casual notes, for example, might be directed to “Mrs Nestor Phipps”, but the note itself begins “Dear Irenee and Nestor.” Hand-written formal invitations would be similarly directed to Mrs Nestor Phipps, but would read “request the pleasure of the company of Mr and Mrs Phipps” on the invitation itself. Engraved invitations often use the all-engraved form “request the pleasure of your company” with no write-in line for the guests’ names, and that is why such invitations come with an inner envelope where all the guests can be addressed.

    You don’t say whether your friend is in the U.S. or not, but it may be that she was trying to follow the proper rule for the outer envelope, and did not know that she needed to address the inner envelope or use a write-in line?

    You get around the awkwardness of asking if Mr Nerd is invited, by recognizing that he may have different social obligations from you. Call your friend and say “I want to reply promptly, but I need to know whether I have to coordinate with Nerd or not. He has some things coming up on his calendar that month — are you expecting him too, or just me?”

    Post # 12
    Member
    1699 posts
    Bumble bee

    @Booknerd:  You say that the invitation is addressed to you “on the outer envelope“. This is actually correct, even for a married couple. In formal social circles in the English-speaking world — with the notable exception of the United States — a family’s or couple’s social correspondence is correctly directed to the individual, by default the lady of the house, who takes responsibility for the family’s social calendar. The other half of the equation of course is that what is inside the envelope, even in the United States, should be addressed to all the people concerned. Casual notes, for example, might be directed to “Mrs Nestor Phipps”, but the note itself begins “Dear Irenee and Nestor.” Hand-written formal invitations would be similarly directed to Mrs Nestor Phipps, but would read “request the pleasure of the company of Mr and Mrs Phipps” on the invitation itself. Engraved invitations often use the all-engraved form “request the pleasure of your company” with no write-in line for the guests’ names, and that is why such invitations come with an inner envelope where all the guests can be addressed.

    You don’t say whether your friend is in the U.S. or not, but it may be that she was trying to follow the proper rule for the outer envelope, and did not know that she needed to address the inner envelope or use a write-in line?

    You get around the awkwardness of asking if Mr Nerd is invited, by recognizing that he may have different social obligations from you. Call your friend and say “I want to reply promptly, but I need to know whether I have to coordinate with Nerd or not. He has some things coming up on his calendar that month — are you expecting him too, or just me?” That way it does not sound as if you are requesting an invitation for him.

    The topic ‘RSVP Etiquette’ is closed to new replies.

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