(Closed) RSVP Etiquette (little bit of a vent)

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
354 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I suppose it’s frustrating that you wasted the return postage on them, but getting their response is the important part.  My experience is that most people in their 20s barely know where to find a mail box, especially the guys. 

Post # 4
4415 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Haha, it seems like it would be MORE work to send the facebook message! I guess people find their own ways to be lazy.

Post # 5
5073 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

with all the RSVP horror stories here.  .I’d just be glad to get responses.  No matter how you get them.


Post # 6
7901 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

Your Fiance should direct them to drop the cards in the mail because it’s easier to keep track if all the responses come in the same way.

Post # 7
3471 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA

No you’re not– and you should say as much to those friends! Tell them you’re thrilled they can make it, and can they please send you the card so you can keep track of all the RSVPs. 

Then just be patient and know that many of them still wont bother… that’s the bummer part about planning a big event– getting everyone else to cooperate!

Post # 8
1696 posts
Bumble bee

I love net-genners! I get so many graciously-worded bread-and-butter notes and replies to invitations by text and Facebook private message! And they come spontaneously: most of these young people were brought up by wolves — oops, I mean by baby-boomers (but the etiquette-quotient is, present company largely excluded, sometimes similar) — and they send their bread-and-butter notes NOT because etiquette says they have to, but because they had a truly pleasant evening and spontaneously WANT to say thank-you. It just so happens that facebook and text-message are their default means of communication the way hand-written notes were mine when I was their age.

For those who, unlike Hilary, have not yet ordered their invitation suite, consider if it would bother you to have people “waste” your R.s.v.p. card and stamp. If it would, don’t send one! The palace doesn’t send R.s.v.p. cards when royal princes and princesses get married, and why would you try to out-do Buckingham Palace? I still believe the second-most gracious way to get a reply is to put

The favour of a reply is requested:
[email protected] 

on the bottom left corner of the invitation, make sure that your snail-mail address is engraved on your stationery somewhere, and let your guests pick the manner of responding that best suits their convenience, manners, and sense of style.

Post # 9
1925 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I can see how frustrating that is!  I’m doing away with the RSVP card because of environmental and cost reasons.  Everyone on my guest list uses the internet, so I’m having them RSVP online at our web site.  If anyone finds it in bad taste, then they can just RSVP however else they please.

Post # 10
3625 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I wasted return postage on quite a few RSVP cards as I insisted on putting stamps on ones for people who I knew would just hand-deliver it back to me (e.g. coworkers, neighbors) but they looked pretty. Haha.

Honestly, I understand your frustration, but at least people are RSVP-ing back somehow. It’s better than having to chase them down when they’re deliquent.

Speaking of getting to a mailbox, I will say it is kind of a PITA for me to find a mailbox because I do all of my banking and bills online and we have a fancy mailbox that’s really deep without the red flag and our postal person often missed outbound mail. As such, to ensure we get things sent out, we have to drive to the PO or remember to leave it in the mailroom at work.

Post # 11
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Yes I understand why you are annoyed. For some of them it might be their first adult wedding depending on their age they attended. I plan on giving an email so people can rsvp online too. I figured anyway I can get them is fine by me.

Post # 12
154 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012 - Schloss Heiligenberg/ Spearfish Canyon Lodge

So far we’ve only run into the digital response problem once. Technically people have another month + to respond, so I try not to stress about it.

Post # 13
3771 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

that’s rediculous. I’m sorry but it is not that difficult to drop something in your mail box… OR even the little blue boxes that are scattered around that their sole purpose is to drop of mail that needs to be deliviered. You need to tell Fiance to tell them to send the RSVP’s or they won’t be accounted for. You shouldn’t have to keep track of who sent emails, texts, fb messages, tweets, phone calls etc. 

Post # 14
771 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@babu22:  True.  Unless you have to track meal choices, just take what you can get.  (Annoying though?  Absolutely)

Post # 16
1696 posts
Bumble bee

@armychica06:  If one really hates wasting stamps, then good advice might be for Hilary’s guests to stick a blank address label over her address on the R.s.v.p. envelopes, and use them for mailing something else: after all, a mailed-in response will just duplicate the response she already has, and duplication is waste.

It’s a fundamental of cost-benefit analysis, that sunk cost is never included in forward-looking analysis. What that means for R.s.v.p. cards is that the cost of the stamps was expended back when you stuck them on the envelopes, and nothing your guests do or fail to do is going to change that cost.

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