(Closed) RSVP Etiquette Question

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
11517 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

@dreamer1288:  I would give 3 or 4 days after the deadline as a lot of people think of it as a “mail by” date instead of “I need to have this by” date.  Then get in touch with people and be honest.  ‘Hi, I noticed we didn’t want to get your RSVP, just wondering if you’re going to be able to make it, Fiance and I are really hoping to see you there – I need to submit my final numbers by XX date’  (and say a couple days before you really do).

Post # 5
9076 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

A week after the RSVP date is usually acceptable to start chasing people. After that, it’s a simple “I need a headcount for venue/caterer/cake/whatever… are you coming?”


Post # 6
401 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@dreamer1288:  I wouldn’t be surprised if you get an influx this week.  People (myself included, guilty as charged) tend to put those things off and leave it to the last minute.  Either they are waiting to see if they can make it, waiting to figure if or who they are bringing as a date, they forgot to buy stamps at the post office, or just legitimately forgot that the deadline was coming up, or even thought they already sent it (that’s happened to me once, oops). 

If you still are missing a bunch of RSVP’s, your wording sounds just fine.  Typically I’d say no RSVP means it’s just a no, but in your case, you’re still waiting to hear back from 2/3 of your guest list.  In that case I’d probably go one step further, too, and just double check with people to see what their intentions are.

Post # 7
1603 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

When I made up my invite list, I told mom and Future Mother-In-Law that I needed not only complete address but phone number (and email if they had it).  I asked both of them that anyone they wanted on list — would they be follow up point person.  Both graciously agreed.  Splitting the work and dividing it up made it easier. Also, fiance had to be the one to call his freinds. 

Post # 8
604 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

We started calling/texting the day after our RSVP deadline closed.  We also did online RSVPs, except for our older guests, we sent them mail-in cards. 

I said something like hey, are you coming to the wedding?  No worries, if you can’t.  Just let us know by Friday because we need to give our caterer a final count on the number of guests we’ll have.

We had about 10 or 15 outstanding RSVPs when our deadline closed, out of 105 invited guests.  The majority of the people who failed to RSVP by the date are not coming.  It took a few days but we got everyone!

Post # 9
666 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I started contacting people right after the deadline.  Everyone who hadn’t sent it either had forgotten about it, or wasn’t coming and apparently didn’t want to bother to let us know.

I had FI’s mom do their side of the family.  I did mine.  For those on facebook I did a private message saying something like, “Hi xxxx, how’s it going?  I just wanted to check if you got the invitation to my wedding and if you were planning on coming.  We’d love to have you there, but understand if you have other things going on.  Let me know!  Thanks”

A couple people, I happened to be able to ask when I saw them when it was getting close to the deadline.  If they said they were coming I didn’t wait for them to RSVP, but asked them their meal choice right there and told them I’d mark them down, because they would probably have just forgotten again to send the card back anyway.


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