(Closed) RSVP Etiquette & when to chase people down

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
164 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Just wait.  I know it sucks, but in my experience people get super irked when you even IMPLY something about an RSVP before the deadline. Our deadline is August 31, so you better believe I’ll be making some calls on September 1!  Way to spend Labor Day weekend, huh?

Post # 4
7643 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

I would wait until the deadline. If it comes and goes with no response, that is when you can start calling, e-mailing, however it is you do it. I wouldn’t do it before just because some people really do wait until the very end. Actually some people send them back a few days before the wedding. We were getting RSVP’s back like wildfire two days before the due date and a day or two after.

Guests procrastinate. It’s what they do best.

Post # 5
10450 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2014

Given tht they’ve both told you they sent it (true or not), I think asking is fine. Just gently say you haven’t received it yet but you remember they told you weeks ago they sent it, so you’re worried the mail lost it. 

Post # 6
5473 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Give it about a week after the deadline for those who don’t mail it in until the RSVP date.

I ended up not tracking people down.  If they made no attempt to contact me, I simply assumed they weren’t coming and didn’t order them a meal or put them on the seating chart.  A few people got in touch with me the WEEK BEFORE THE WEDDING telling me they were coming, and I said “I’m so glad you’ll be able to make it after all, unfortunately I already submitted my final numbers and meal selections.  I’ll have an overflow table in the back at the reception and if someone else no-shows I’ll be sure to have their meal sent over to you, but I can’t guarantee a seat or a meal.”

I did have an open bar for the duration of the reception, as well as veggies/fruits/cheese/apps for cocktail hour, so it isn’t like they would not have had access to food all night.

Post # 7
1227 posts
Bumble bee

It is rude to give guests a deadline, and then start asking them about their attendance before the deadline.

I would give them at least 4 business days following the deadline before I started asking them. Some people literally wait until the day on the invite to mail it, or realize the day after that they were supposed to mail it and stick it in then. Our deadline was the 19th, and we are still getting cards in the mail.

You have lots of time with an early September deadline and a mid-November wedding to get your number finalized and sort out your seating.

Post # 8
6105 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

I’m giving my guests a week after the deadline before I start calling. I figure some people wait until the due date to actually send them so it takes a few days after the due date to get them. I still have like 25 people who haven’t repsonded and my due date was the 24th (as in this past Saturday)

Post # 9
2701 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Haha, I don’t think you are a crazy control freak!  It’s terribly difficult to be patient and wait for those RSVPs.  But, alas, I think you need to wait until a few days after your deadline before you start chasing people down.  It’s considered rude to do it beforehand.

As far as your BM’s parents and FI’s cousins go, I’d still wait until after the deadline.  In the event that they were lying/trying to save face, you don’t want to call them out on it.  It would put them in an awkard situation and even though it’s their fault (they are the ones that lied), it’s still not very nice.


Post # 10
149 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I am feeling the same with guests yet to reply and our RSVP is 1st Sep! I frankly think it is rude of guests to reply after the dead line and wish I could just ask them however I am going to wait a few days after the dead line and then call around. I wish I could just assume they aren’t coming and tell them if they send an RSVP late that they should have replied by the date stated. 

Post # 11
13946 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Wait until a few days after your deadline.  You gave a deadline for people to respond, so it would be rude to go after them before that deadline has even passed! 

Post # 12
6516 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

@anonybee0810:  I waited a week after my RSVP date to start calling people. I gave an early RSVP date this way i can wait the extra week for late responders, and then start calling people

Post # 13
1134 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

our deadline is this weekend, and i started following up about 2 weeks ago with people who had not sent in rsvp card. we are still missing a bunch! I will def be calling to follow up with people this weekend!

Post # 14
719 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

We waited a couple of days and then began tracking people down. As of yesterday (mail hasn’t arrived yet today) we are waiting for I think 5 RSVPs still. It’s annoying, but there’s not a lot you can do.

One person says they mailed it weeks ago, and I do believe them – our RSVP cards are small, and they could get lost. I filled out an extra card for them (because I’m crazy like that) and added it to the pile.

My aunt and uncle never received theirs. Either it got lost in the post, or my aunt’s Mother-In-Law (who is a bit not well, if you know what I mean) might have checked the mail, and stashed it somewhere in the house. Who knows. LOL I filled out one for them, too, and considered it sent.

It was really, really annoyed at how many people seemed to think not responding was ok. FH and I definitely told them otherwise. It was along the lines of “We address it and stamped it for you. All you have to do is check the box and send it back….” and “We need to give an exact number. It’s a lot of financial burden to start assuming who is coming.” Not that we like to talk about money usually, but some people really don’t get it. Our dinner is over $100 a plate. So for everyone who is wishy-washy about rsvp, that’s $100 they’re asking us to play with. Rude.

Post # 15
9795 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

I waited until about 3 or 4 days after the deadline to start tracking people down.

I had a lot come in the day of the deadline, and in the 2-3 days after the deadline.  Like people suddenly remembered and mailed it out on the due date.

At least wait until the deadline has passed!!!  That’s what it’s there for!  It’s rude to start harassing them before they’re due.

Post # 16
9561 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

our deadline is october 1.  still a little while before they are due. we have about 50% back now.


i’m waiting until october 2 to start calling everyone.


Fiance leaves for his bachelor party on ocotber 4 and i told him he could not leave until he called everyone from his side who hasn’t responded.




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