(Closed) RSVP for a plus one…

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
20 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2013

[Comment moderated for trolling]

Post # 4
Member
400 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I wonder if the reason he sent it in three weeks late was because of her… if he sent it in at the deadline he would have been dating her 1 week at that point and may not have known if he even wanted her to come. (of course, that’s all the more reason not to bring her at all)

Obviously you couldn’t have invited her, as they weren’t dating when the invitations went out. I understand the reasoning behind wedding party participants get to bring their gf/bf even if the rest of the guests don’t, but in this case it would have been impossible for you to invite her by name, whether separately on on his invitation, because they weren’t dating and probably didn’t know each other when the invitations went out.

Is it possible he did ask your fiance if he could bring her and your fiance forgot to tell you?

Post # 5
Member
9956 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Hi @KMRS:  Etiquette Snob here… lol

As far as the paperwork went… you used the method that tends to make for the least amount of problems so you did good there.

And as Muppetfan:  said, chances are he just doesn’t understand how Wedding Invites & RSVPs work.

BUT technically…

You too committed an Etiquette Faux Pas, as you truly should have given him as a Member of your Bridal Party (you said he was a Groomsman) a Plus One to begin with

Members of the Bridal Party are supposed to be your good friends, and are making a HUGE Contribution to your day (and many other days / events usually as well).  With that comes some perks… and one of them is bringing a Date if they choose.

They are not your “everyday” single guest.

IF however you are going to be adament about this… and make him feel awkward for not understanding…  then as he is a Groomsman, then your Hubby-2B is the one who should talk to him.

Hope this helps,

 

Post # 6
Member
352 posts
Helper bee

@KMRS:  He probably wasn’t intentionally being rude!

 

I’m new-ish to the Bee, and not engaged yet, but until I started reading this Web site I had NO IDEA how expensive weddings were, and how big of a deal it was to bring a date! Now I know, but he might just be thinking it’d be okay. 

 

I think people tend to get “outraged” a lot on here… no one besides you is putting as much thought into your wedding as you are! People are not constantly snubbing you on purpose! People are just blissfully ignorant most of the time I think… 

 

Post # 7
Member
3057 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

@laughs:  To EVERYONE on here… no one besides you is putting as much thought into your wedding as you are! People are not constantly snubbing you on purpose! People are just blissfully ignorant most of the time I think… 

I COMPLETELY agree with this!! I also had no idea how intense this stuff was until I joined here! I’ve RSVP’d yes to a wedding before and then bailed at the last minute (subsequently ruining the friendship but 1. I didn’t know that would happend 2. we weren’t that close anyway)…now that I know how much money weddings cost, I definitely feel bad…although the wedding was a completely dry wedding & not in a fancy place so they probably didn’t lose out on more than $50 but still, I would’ve gone if I knew then what I know now.
 
OP, I’d say he’s a guy and may not have known. I’d cut him a little slack with the anger and just let FH handle it! good luck!

Post # 8
Member
710 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

He should not have included an additional guest without first asking you about it.  That being said, I think it’s nicer to invite people with a plus one.  When I was single, I never, ever brought anyone along, but my friends always invited me with a plus one.  It’s just a courtesy, especially for someone who’s a part of the bridal party.

He’s being weird.  I agree.  But let him bring his date, he’ll be a lot happier and you’ll have more fun.

Post # 9
Member
121 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@laughs:  +1, especially to the last part that your guests are not intentionally snubbing you.  

I know how clueless I was about all of this stuff before planning my own wedding, and my FI was even more clueless than myself.  Most guys don’t understand at all how much goes into planning the wedding, the etiquette and RSVP rules.  Now that I have planned my own wedding, I completely understand the frustration that comes with RSVP’s, and I sympathize with you there.  That being said, I do think that since he is the wedding party, I would cut him some slack… he should get a plus one anyways, so I would just let him bring her along.  

Post # 10
Member
7272 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@KMRS:  That’s really frustrating, especially since you did all you could to be clear and he probably wasn’t even dating her when the invites went out. I totally see why you’re annoyed. That said, I agree with others who stated that the guy probably didn’t realize what a d*ck move it is to just write someone’s name in. Guys don’t generally know these sorts of things. I’m sure he wasn’t trying to do it just to tick you off. I would let it go. He’s a groomsman, he should have a +1 anyway, and as you said, if he had known to ask you would have said yes. Putting your foot down with him now will just cause more drama. 

If you are going to absolutely say no, have your FI do it. I would go with “Sorry, man. RSVPs were due back 2 weeks ago so we just put you down for one since ya’ll weren’t serious when the RSVPs were due. So we’ve submitted the final count already and can’t add anyone. Wish you would have told us sooner! Dang!”

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