Post # 1
Our RSVP deadline is today. Literally like 2 people from DF’s family RSVP’d, so I just had his mother mention it when she saw some of them this weekend. Just casually like “Oh, have you sent in your rsvp yet?”
Apparently some of DF’s family members were OFFENDED that I expected them to RSVP, because they expected me to just know they were coming. Offended, like “Well, I assume she would KNOW we would be there! Hmpf!”
I have never heard of such a thing! I’ve only met them 2-3x and Dear Fiance is not close to any of them. Our wedding is Out of Town (some of them have to travel 3 hours). Plus, I need their meal choices for the venue! I need a headcount! I need to know how many favors to buy, how many people are going on the hotel shuttle, how many Out of Town bags to make, how many seats to set up for the ceremony. I need to know how many flipping people are coming to the wedding or I wouldn’t have bothered with the RSVP cards! Is that seriously so unreasonable?! Hasn’t every bride in the history of weddings done some sort of RSVP?
But seriously… They’re offended??? Wtf?! I’m freaking out. They have some weird superstitions/traditions when it comes to weddings, but this one is absurd IMO. Please tell me this is not normal and his family is just crazy. I have never heard of this before.
Post # 3
That is NOT normal. I can understand if his parents didn’t RSVP because they assumed you knew they were coming, but extended family? And to an Out of Town wedding? Did thay also expect you to have the ability to mindread and just know which meal they wanted?
Post # 4
omg i selected the wrong poll option! The one vote for the first one was me by mistake…. I think his family is crazy!
I read it ” You expect your guests to RSVP” ….lol
Post # 5
I told someone else a few days ago that people can choose to take offense when the other person has done nothing offensive.
That is certainly the case here. Perhaps all his family are mind readers?
Post # 6
I honestly think that RSVP’ing is a lost art. Unless you have planned something where you understand the importance of having those concrete numbers, you kind of sluff it off. None of my bridal party RSVP’d officially, I guess assuming their acceptance to be in the Bridal Party was their RSVP. It is kind of strange, but I wouldn’t be offended by it; and they shouldn’t be offended by your asking. I would just mark them all down and move ahead happily with the rest of your planning.
EDIT: Missed the part about meal choices, that makes it different. They should have known you would need that, and not taken offense to being asked, IMO.
Post # 7
My mother expected everyone to RSVP for my brother’s wedding (including me). I think its the right thing to do. Some of my brother’s in-laws didn’t RSVP (we had to track them down and even then it was difficult) and to me, it was unacceptable. I definitely think everyone should RSVP. How difficult is it to check off your response on a card, put it in a pre-addressed, pre-stamped envelope, and stick it in the mail?
Post # 8
@Brandy: Yeah, that’s why I’m freaking out… The venue doesn’t just need a rough count for meal choices, they want an excel spreadsheet with the exact number of each meal at each table, which is going to be impossible. Truth be told, I am a little offended, too… that no one is willing to check off a little card and put it in their mailbox. Is that really so difficult and terrible? I’m CLEARLY missing something here! LOL!!
Post # 9
@RhubarbPie: How difficult is it to check off your response on a card, put it in a pre-addressed, pre-stamped envelope, and stick it in the mail?
You read my mind!!!
Post # 10
I would have to sweetly reply that of course they are welcomed to attend the wedding – the RSVPs are simply for those who wish sit at the wedding or to eat the reception. Since they can not RSVP, you will have the natural assumption that they are not interested in sitting, getting a ride to the ceremony or eating (but then again I’m evil like that and have developed a low tolerance for stupid people).
Post # 12
This is the most rediculous thing I have ever heard. What you are supposed to guess that they are coming and better yet guess their meal choice.. Im so sure!! Honestly they propably put the RSVP somewhere thinking Oh I’ll do it later, and forgot, then they felt stupid when they had to be reminded. Im sorry you are going through this!! This is so frustrating.
Post # 13
Our RSVP date is tomorrow – I had some of my male friends ask “you know I’m coming, do I still have to send in that little card?”
I’m still missing about 40 RSVPs and it’s peeving me off!!!!
But that’s definitely weird! I’d be annoyed if they did that especially since you have to choose meals!!! Mine is a buffet, so its not AS important but I’d like to know who’s coming so that I can make the seating chart and know how many favours to buy!
Post # 14
OMG looooool…. I had told his mom jokingly last night that I was ordering them all a vegan/gluten free meal if I didn’t get their choice and I guess she told them that?! DF just got this call:
Rude guest who never RSVP’d: Tell Seven12 we’ll have the turkey.
Dear Fiance: Hang on, lemme get a pen…
Rude guest: [hangs up phone]
Post # 15
That is crazy! You are definitely in the right here and they are definitely crazy (not to mention rude)! Even though it is still annoying, I can understand how people may return them late or even possibly forget, but if it was brought to their attention I would expect an immediate apology – not them getting offended! And then to do something like hang-up on you, that’s so childish! Sorry you are having to deal with this – no fun!
Post # 16
@seven12:I had to call back around half of the people we invited to check on their RSVP. It’s your event, you have to do more work (unfortunately). I know it is extremely annoying, and back when I had a major RSVP freak out!
FWIW we needed meal choices, too.