(Closed) RSVP issues – how best to approximate?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
1900 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

If you’re two weeks out from the wedding, I think you can assume that the non-respondents are not coming. Possibly even send them a message/call saying “I’m sorry, because we haven’t heard back from you, we’ve had to assume you can’t make it. We’ll definitely miss you on the day and hope we can catch up soon!”

Don’t assume extras are coming if it’s something you will be paying for – maybe allow for a handful of extra people if someone you really want there but who didn’t respond turns up out of the blue. It’s unlikely though – I imagine most of your closest friends and family would have already told you if they’re coming and anyone else will just have to go home if they couldn’t RSVP after you chased them down.

Post # 4
7638 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@zeeweddingbee:  What do you mean by “never heard back”? Phone them so they have no choice but to reply!

Phone and ask them, “We haven’t got your RSVP back, but we need to know if you’re attending our wedding?” And get a firm “yes” or “no” then and there. If they say “I’m not sure”, say, “I’ll have to take that as a “no” then”.

If they don’t pick up the phone, leave a voicemail to the effect that if they don’t reply you assume they aren’t coming.

We phoned all our non-repliers and got a firm “yes” or “no” from every single person.

Post # 5
1668 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Church

View original reply
@paula1248:  I was going to say the same thing, to call.

Post # 6
4192 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

I sent an email after the deadline, something like-

“Hi, Name. Just wanted to follow up on your RSVP for our DATE wedding. We know how easy it is to let deadlines get past you, but we need to give our caterer the final numbers by DATE. If we haven’t heard from you by then, we’ll have to assume that you are a no.”

Or call with the same info. I would NOT reserve extra tables for people who can’t be bothered to put a stamped envelope in the mail.

Are some of these people the same family members who didn’t show up for your brother’s wedding? If so, is there something else in the family (Mom?) who can help you make the final/follow up calls?

Post # 7
47433 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Like the pp’s I encourage you to make one last effort to contact these rude people. Tell them that as you have not heard from them, you will be considering them a “no” for the catering numbers, and will miss them at the wedding.

Linking their “no” to the catering numbers may help them to realize their failure to respond isn’t just a matter of having a seat at the ceremony or reception.

It would be a shame to waste money on ordering 30 unnecessary meals. That is a good chunk of anyone’s budget.

Post # 8
5867 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

I think this kind of thing is highly specific to your group.  Therefore I would contact your brother and sister in law and ask them if they know the numbers for no-shows/no-rsvp-but-do-shows and run a ratio based on that.

However, baring good info, I would just set up for the number of people who RSVP’d yes and hope that numbers balance out.  In my family it is absolutely unheard of to do either of these things (not rsvp/no-show) so we’ve always had the right number of people show up.  I cannot fathom being rude enough to do either of these things.

Post # 10
2890 posts
Sugar bee

View original reply
@paula1248:  I agree with you. OP, set a deadline for your answers, and start calling. Let them know if you haven’t heard back from them at that deadline, you’ll consider it a no. Then you can plan your tables accordingly. 

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