(Closed) RSVP on Save the Dates?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Honestly, you should plan on everyone showing up.  I know its a Destination Wedding, but you could be surprised (if you are talking about planning from a budget perspective).

Ask your on-site coordinator when they need guest counts, and take it from there.

Post # 4
860 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

i say go for it…. especially with a Destination Wedding the rules are a bit different…

Post # 5
3618 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

SIL did this, it was very confusing. People didn’t know if that was the actual invitation or not and if their RSVP on the STD was changeable so most people didn’t respond since they didn’t know that far in advance.

Post # 6
11355 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

I don’t think you should ask your guests to reply to your Save-The-Date Cards.  That would somewhat defeat the purpose of sending your actual invitations.  Even if you were asking for a tentative response that far out, it’s possible that people’s plans could change based on circumstances in their lives that may arise between then and the time they would traditionally need to respond to your invitation.

Post # 7
2416 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Are you inviting so few people that it would be pragmatic to ask around? I think that’s what I would do…

Post # 8
9483 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

No, I would save that for the invitations.  You don’t want to confuse people.

Post # 9
486 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

You could try what we are doing. Unfortunately, I don’t know how it will turn out so I can’t give you end results. We are not doing a Destination Wedding, but all guests are travelling far to come. We are figuring most people will come, since we wittled it down to only our closest friends and relatives. Invitations are going out now and RSVP is well before the wedding date. We assume most will know whether they’re making the trip or not. People were already talking about their plans to make a vacation out of it when we saw them back at Christmas. So we decided to forego Save-The-Date Cards and just send out the early invitations…just getting to the point. 🙂

Post # 10
3265 posts
Sugar bee

@smiles4jo:  No.  By definitions Save-The-Date Cards are just an FYI to your guests.  You can’t expect people to know this early on if they are coming.  A lot of plans have to be made to attend a destination wedding, and I don’t think you can expect people to know their work schedules, financials, and other commitments before a few weeks a head of time.

Destination wedding or not, it would be helpful for ALL brides to know months ahead of time how many people are coming. 

Post # 11
433 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’d second what Miss Orchard said: send the Save-The-Date Cards and then start casually asking people whether they think they can make it. If the guest list is huge, then maybe divide up the task– ie. ask your mom to ask around her side of the family, your Future Mother-In-Law to ask people in your FIs family, and a Bridesmaid or Best Man to ask friends, etc. Then it doesn’t have to be formal but you can start getting a sense of how many people are trying to plan on coming. Then plan on the max number.

Post # 12
46421 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@andielovesj:  well said. In the end , there is really no difference  between a Destination Wedding and an at-home wedding in  how helpful it would be to know ahead of time how many guests plan on attending.

To the OP, if you have issues with your venue where you are required to give numbers well ahead of time, just send out your real invitations earlier.

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