Post # 1
Member
154 posts
Blushing bee
So all of our wedding invitations have gone out, and most of them (except for a few that we hand delivered) have been out for three weeks now. Awesome, right?
Except I think I’m going to lose my mind. Even though the invitations have gone out, And RSVP’s have been rolling in, I’m about to lose my brain. I’m going over our RSVP list with my Fiance, and my Future Mother-In-Law overhears the people I have down on the list. She tells me to not expect any of their family members to RSVP, and just to assume all these people are coming. (We’re talking grandparents, uncles and aunts, cousins and their kids and significant others here) : “They’ll be shocked if you ask them to RSVP, because they’re just assuming you know they’re coming.” I don’t know if I’m turning into a Bridezilla, but this really bothered me. We went to the work of making sure that it was super easy to RSVP…heck, I don’t care if they want to send me a text message letting me know how many people they’re bringing. But am I really just supposed to assume people are coming without any communication from them, put them in a seating chart, pay for their food, and have place cards made up for them; and then be all shocked if they don’t show up, or even better show up with people who I didn’t know were coming because they didn’t RSVP?
In a much more eloquent way: am I being a total Bridezilla/Beyoncé-esque diva in insisting that people do RSVP to us?
Post # 2
Member
4231 posts
Honey bee
- Wedding: September 2015 - Hotel Ballroom
I had problems with family remembering to RSVP too. I had Father-In-Law delicately call them and get confirmation they were coming. He did it under the guise of calling to socialise (something he does often) and then worked it into conversation.
You aren’t being unreasonable at all!
Post # 3
Member
13756 posts
Honey Beekeeper
You could send them a casual email or text asking if they’re coming so you can make sure there’s enough food, rather than a pointed phone call. If it were me, though, I’d just call and demand a response (obviously with nicer words).
Post # 4
Member
433 posts
Helper bee
Yes, contact them. Ours took FOREVER and we are talking immediate family. I know it’s not as important to them but between people not RSVPing and the EXCUSES they give it drove me crazy lol.
Post # 5
Member
7477 posts
Busy Beekeeper
It is definitely not a bridezilla move to expect RSVPs. If they don’t RSVP on time I don’t see any problem with having your Fiance call them and ask if they are coming. If they act surprised he can just say that you guys wanted to make sure you had enough food/seats for everyone.
Post # 6
Member
1634 posts
Bumble bee
I’d have your fiance call each of these people after your rsvp deadline is up to verify if they are coming or not. A simple “our caterer needs a firm count this week” should be sufficient. His family, he should deal. He should also say to his mom “gosh, mom. I’ve never heard of people not responding or sending in their rsvp. I think we’d assume they aren’t coming if we don’t get a response”. That alone will probably prompt several more returned rsvps, as I’m betting your fmil will spread the word!!!
And, just to add to your rsvp pain, a lot of people seem to consider the rsvp date as the “mail-by” date. The rsvps will likely trickle in for a week or two after your deadline. And, it will all be ok. It’s like childbirth- over time the wedding stress memories fade…
Post # 7
Member
1024 posts
Bumble bee
I am so so so sick of using the “it’s just how we do things!” excuse to be rude. They are being insanely rude, your Future Mother-In-Law is enabling it.
You are WELL within your rights to hunt people down.
Post # 8
Member
99 posts
Worker bee
If you recieve an inviation in the mail, you need to RSVP. I have been to two events where I didn’t recieve an invitation because well, it was assumed I was coming (bridesmaid and brother in law’s wedding).
If you sent them an invitation, you should totally expect them to send an RSVP.
Post # 9
Member
154 posts
Blushing bee
Thank you so much ladies!! I feel so much better hearing that I’m not being completely unreasonable 😁 I will get Fiance to start contacting family if they don’t RSVP to us. I feel much better to know that I’m not being ridiculous!!
Post # 10
Member
580 posts
Busy bee
Frankly I feel it is rude on the guest’s part if they do not RSVP by mail. You paid for the invitations, the RSVP cards, envelopes, (and I’m guessing postage) – they should take the 1 minute it takes to check they are attending, enclose the RSVP in the envelope, seal it and stick it in their mailbox. Or RSVP on a website or via email which would take ….30 seconds?
Does everyone think that invitations cost nothing? We all have nothing better to do than mail out invitations with all this other “stuff” included just so we can flush money down the drain?
I was a bridesmaid in my brother’s wedding and as SOON as I got my invitation and RSVP I checked I was attending and sent that RSVP back in the mail.
Post # 11
Member
12473 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
cassidyrue : You two just have to make it clear to Future Mother-In-Law that you can’t operate that way and that you fully expect people to do the polite thing and reply to you directly. If they don’t then you will be making phone calls. If you called someone to invite them somewhere you’d expect the common courtesy of an answer, right? This is no different.
The most correct method is in the same format as the invitation itself, but any reply, including verbal, is an RSVP as long as it’s a definite answer.
Post # 12
Member
828 posts
Busy bee
I’ll never understand why people can’t just send back the pre-addressed, pre-stamped RSVP card that is sent weeks in advance.
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