(Closed) RSVP quandaries have begun… is this normal?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Is this a normal predicament?
    Yes, this has happened to me! Rude! : (8 votes)
    53 %
    No, this has never happened thank God! : (2 votes)
    13 %
    Yes, it has and it's completely acceptable : (3 votes)
    20 %
    No, it hasn't but it would be completely acceptable : (2 votes)
    13 %
  • Post # 3
    1927 posts
    Buzzing bee

    As long as you addressed your invitations with BOTH names.. then it’s totally rude.  If one of those people can’t come you don’t just get another person to fill the spot!  Now, if you addressed it “so and so and GUEST” then unfortunately they get to bring whoever they want as a guest.  This is why I made sure to get the names of every person… I didn’t want any randoms being added to the list.  If you addressed the invite to two named individuals and someone asks to make a change or to bring additional people you’ll just have to tell them that your sorry but you won’t be able to accomodate them.

    Post # 4
    1135 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2009

    I think if a person hasn’t planned a wedding recently, they might think this is totally reasonable.  As brides, we get why this is rude, but other people probably don’t really get it.  Frustrating, but just calmly tell them no, that you’d prefer only to have the people you actually invited attend.  Sorry you’re dealing with this!

    Post # 6
    10366 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2010

    We had one guest add their children onto their “Two seats have been reserved in your honor” RSVP card.

    Another added an uninvited guest onto the RSVP instead of bringing my cousin (her child).

    And my favorite, my FI’s friend from college RSVP’d yes for himself, no for his wife….and then renegged to INCLUDE his wife 6 DAYS after our RSVP deadline (and my aunt above that decided to bring her boyfriend instead of my cousin is now bringing BOTH, also 6 DAYS after the RSVP deadline).

    If they hadn’t already bought plane tickets, i’d be all “Too bad, so sad”.

    Post # 7
    16195 posts
    Honey Beekeeper

    Unacceptable! Good thing you got your mom to take on the tough job. 🙂

    Post # 8
    681 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2018

    We also had a lady bring her daughter after finding out that her husband could not attend. She told my Mother-In-Law, who told her that was fine (without asking us). I don’t know if I would have said no but I really would have wanted to. This woman’s other daughter and her daughter’s husband were attending, as well as a number of friends from church. It’s not like she would have been all alone. We didn’t invite the daughter in the first place because we didn’t care if she saw us get married (we had a wedding of about 100 guests). Who decided that invitations were transferable?

    Post # 10
    6661 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: May 2010

    Hmm yes this is rude. BC if Darling Husband and I were invited to a wedding and he couldn’t attend, I would be tempted to ask if I could bring a friend instead but I wouldn’t b/c I would know deep down that if the answer was ‘no’ then I wouldn’t go stag. So I would never ask in the first place, I would just decline the invite.

    Post # 11
    7173 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    I think it’s normal to assume “it’s not a big deal” – which is why it happens frequently.  I think they figure that you’ve allotted 2 spaces for them, so why does it matter who is in the seat.

    What they don’t realize is how many times you’ve pain-stakenly thought through your guest list and don’t want random people and/or their child in that seat.

    I also think people will call to find out if deviating from the norm is ok.  And that’s when it’s perfectly ok to tell them it’s NOT!

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