Post # 1
Ok Bees.. I know this has more than likely been asked before, but what do I do?:
FI invited a few friends to the wedding that I have only met a handful of times. He’s not extremely close with all of them, but wanted them there to celebrate our day (we’re having a rather large wedding, 205 invited). Well, we got one of his friends RSVPs back — this friend wasn’t invited with a guest, as we decided to only invite +1s for people in serious relationships (living together, engaged).
Well, this friend RSVP’d for himself and a guest!!! This guy barely made the guest list and we agreed to only invite him solo on purpose. We’ve received some no’s, so if he brought his guest and we didn’t say anything it wouldn’t really be the end of the world, headcount-wise, but I barely know this guy, FI hasn’t talked to him in a while, and we certainly don’t know his +1!
How should we approach this one? Should I have FI try to find out if he has a girlfriend, and if so just leave it alone? If he doesn’t, should we say that he can’t bring a date? He obviously already asked this guest to come, as we required meal selections and he wrote 1 fish and 1 filet….
Help me, Bees!
Post # 3
Does this person have to travel to be at the wedding? Will he know many other people there?
It’s presumptuous of him to assume he was invited with a guest, but it might be best to just let this one go. Unless you’re exceeding the capacity that your venue and your budget can handle, this probably isn’t a hill you want to die on.
Post # 4
@DaneLady: He’ll only have to travel about a half hour or so to get to the wedding, and he’ll definitely know plenty of people there. I guess I’m just peeved that he assumed he could bring someone. Then again, maybe he’s just a boy who’s never been invited to a wedding before and just assumed that was how it worked. I guess I’m leaning in your direction, I probably should let this one go.
Post # 5
When it comes to the guest list I found I had to choose my battles carefully. This happened to me too with a few friends that weren’t dating anyone and did not receive an “and guest” invite…infact the ppl we knew who were in serious relationships had their name and their SO’s name on the invite specifically…but I digress.
This is one battle I’d let go. It’s really just one person and you won’t even notice them on your day; you’ll be too happy and busy to give it a single thought with all your loved ones around you. And maybe they will go on to be a very serious couple, who knows!
Now, if one of your FI’s friends’ wife asks to bring along a friend of hers that will be in town, whom you’ve never ever met, making their’s a party of three, then you absolutely can put your foot down and say, hell no! (This happened to me and I was shocked someone would think that was an okay request to make of the bride and groom).
Good luck with your rsvps, and be thankful if this is the only problem you have with them! (I also had a guest bring her brother as her date because her bf couldn’t make it and I had no idea who he was at our reception until late into the night. It probably would have really pissed me off if I’d known before the wedding day but it turns out he was a great asset to the dance floor and socialised with a lot of the guests! So I let it roll off my back and enjoyed my night.) Pick your battles. 🙂
Post # 6
This happened to us, too.
My fiance’s younger colleague, “Bob,” RSVP’d for two and said the girl he had just started dating THAT WEEK was so excited to attend our wedding. My fiance and I talked about it and agreed that since Bob is so young and hasn’t attended many wedding, he didn’t realize he’d made a faux pas.
The next day at work, my fiance gently explained to Bob that the invitation was only for him–that’s why it was addressed only to him. But no big deal cuz we knew Bob hadn’t been to a lot of weddings. Then he teased Bob for falling so hard and fast for this girl and aw shucks blah blah blah…
Before anyone asks: Bob won’t have to travel, and he’ll know all the other office dudes who are invited. It’s all good.
Post # 7
I would let the guest come. If it makes the guy feel more comfortable. At least he will know someone. Like you said YOU barely know him. He might turn around and say no if you say he can’t bring his guest. I would just let it go.
Post # 8
I would just let him bring a guest. This happened to me, at first every time I got an RSVP with someone wanting to bring an univited guest I got stressed and upset. Then I finally just decided to get over it. I’ve had enough people RSVP no, that I now have room for their guests. I had about 5 people do this! I’m conviced most of my friends really have never been invited to a wedding before. I would have had more than 5 people do this, but I finally started having other friends sort of spread the word and from my understanding a lot of my friends said “I had no idea the invite had to say and guest”.
Post # 9
I would see where you are with the numbers…. if you have 20 ppl do this then yes put your foot down – for one it might not be worth it.
I want people to be happy and having fun at my wedding and if I have to pay for a few extra ppl dinners then whatever at this point!
I have actually been getting more no than I expected (2 fam members & 2 friends of MOG in the hospital, college homecoming and wedding of family member for 2 ppl) so I am finally starting to feel stress free about my #s and am letting up on the +1s
Post # 10
Thanks for all of your help!! We decided to just let it go, but we’ll see what happens on a case-by-case basis for anyone else who does something like this.