Post # 1
Member
142 posts
Blushing bee
Okay, so…I’ll try to make this as short as possible.
About a year or so ago, I found out that I had a sister (and a brother, and a nephew but that’ll come later) from one of my dad’s previous marriages. Anyway, we connected through facebook but between her school and my school and work and just…life. We never really got around to actually meeting in person.
Yesterday, I got an invitation for her wedding.
I’m very excited for her and I’m happy that she thought of me. But I’m very afraid that my dad had pressured her to invite me (my dad can be very convincing/guilt-trippy). I had overheard a few conversations he’d had with her (over the phone) and it sounded like he was really pressuring her to invite me and my SO and honestly, that’s the last thing I want.
I mean, I’d really like to go but I know how much time and effort goes into making a guest list and I don’t want her to feel like she HAS to invite us when she’s never met us. And is a wedding really the most appropriate place to meet your sister?
So, here’s my question. How do I respond to the RSVP? Should I respond “no” to my invite and have my dad put “+1” on his invitation? Or should I just forget it and respond “yes+1” to my own?
I’m really at a bit of a loss. Usually, I turn to my mom and my grandma for these types of things (they’re like Dear Anne with a more bawdy vocabulary) but they’re kinda MIA right now.
Thanks guys!
Post # 3
Member
1561 posts
Bumble bee
@SockJunkie: I’m confused. You got an invitation, right? So was your SO not invited? If you want to go, go. If you think that meeting your sister at her wedding is too much, ask her to lunch before the wedding. But if your SO wasn’t invited, then you need to figure out if you want to ask for an invite for him – you can’t just add a +1 without asking – thats rude.
Post # 4
Member
142 posts
Blushing bee
No, I got the invitation and it asked me how many people would be coming with me.
________ will/will not be coming and will be bringing ______number of guests.
Post # 5
Member
13902 posts
Honey Beekeeper
To be honest, I would probably decline the invitation and include a handwritten note like, “Dear Jane, it was so thoughtful of you to invite me to your wedding, but I am afraid I have to decline. I would not want to detract any attention from you and your husband on such a wonderful day, and meeting for the first time at your wedding may be chaotic. I would love to meet up with you after, perhaps once your wedding photos are in, and catch up. (FI) and I wish you all the best! Love, SockJunkie.”
Post # 6
Member
839 posts
Busy bee
Wait, so are you asking if you should put no on your own invitation, and have your dad rsvp +1 with the intention of bringing you as his date?
Post # 7
Member
3682 posts
Sugar bee
I agree with abbie017. If you think your dad pressured her into inviting you, you’re not doing any favors for her by attending. I don’t think her wedding day is the best time for her to meet a long lost sibling. She’ll already be nervous enough. Make plans to meet her in person afterward.
Post # 8
Member
776 posts
Busy bee
@abbie017: +1.. sound like the best route to me. If she really did want to invite you, it leaves the door open for her to meet you before the wedding so you will feel more comfortable attending.
Post # 9
Member
142 posts
Blushing bee
@LilliePad: Yes–ish. I’m actually not sure if it would be appropriate for me to go at all. I mean, I know that she invited me but…I’m afraid that she felt some pressure to do so.
Post # 10
Member
839 posts
Busy bee
@SockJunkie: I see. Well if you are planning on going, you need to RSVP with your own invitation, not your dad’s. I agree with the PP that said if you feel weird about meeting her for the first time at her wedding, maybe ask her to lunch sometime before so the pressure is off of both of you on the big day. If you choose to decline, you should write a personalized note similar to the one PP posted. But you definitely need to RSVP “yes” with your own invitation if you intend to go.
Post # 11
Member
142 posts
Blushing bee
Hey guys!!
First off, thank you for all of the advice! I’ve never really been in this sort of situation so I was a little at a loss of what to do…
So, quick update:
I lucked out this weekend and recieved 3 days in a row off so I kidnapped my Fiance and decided to make the 8 hour drive to have lunch/dinner/cupcakes with her. She was totally cool with the impromptu meet up and actually said that she preferred it that we just showed up rather than planning something with her (otherwise both of us would have probably been much more nervous about the whole thing).
Without going into too much detail. It was really freaking awesome…and a little weird, in a good way. If freaked my SO out how much alike our mannerisms and facial expressions are so similar (to quote: “she’s like you with eyeliner”). I was also asked in person about the wedding and let her know that we would be attending.
It was much easier to gauge her feelings in person and much easier for me to respond. I would have never known how to respond had I not talked to her in person.
Thank you all again for your great advice!
Post # 12
Hostess
7547 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
Do you guys live near eachother? I would ask her out to lunch. I don’t think a wedding is an appropriate place to meet but you also don’t want to reject her.
Edit: Oops! I missed your update. It sounds like you and I had the same idea! What a great ending!
Post # 13
Member
1022 posts
Bumble bee
@SockJunkie: I’m glad it’s working out!