Post # 1
So we sent out our invites at the end of June for our September 21 wedding. The deadline to respond is August 31. We are trying very hard to keep it under 100 people. It’s starting to get pretty tight…a good bit of the people we thought would say “no” have said “yes” so far, so we’re getting a bit nervous (we invited about 120).
We invited my FI’s old friend, who has a history of dating a revolving door of d-bags (then complains that there’s no decent guys out there, but that’s another thread). Since we are only inviting plus-ones for people that we know are engaged, married, or in a serious relationship, we addressed her invite to one person only. I know people have strong opinions about this, but we have a limited budget, and frankly, I’m not paying over 100 bucks a head for people I don’t know. Only a handful of invitees fall into this category.
So about three weeks ago, she RSVPs with her name and writes in the space that 2 people are attending. My Fiance called her about it, and she said she wanted to bring the guy that she’s been dating “on and off” for a while. (Yeah, must be really special if you can’t even write his freaking name on the RSVP card). But she understood and said she didn’t have a problem coming solo.
So this morning, she send Fiance a Gchat message saying that she just met this guy, and it’s getting real serious, would she be able to change her RSVP? She even offered to pay for him. I thought that was a nice gesture, but I’m don’t want to be perceived as a tightwad and make him feel unwelcome by making her fork over cash.
But inside I am SEETHING. Three weeks later and you want to bring someone different that we haven’t even met?! Let’s not forget that she gave Fiance a huge lecture when we started dating five years ago about how she was worried about him “moving too fast.” The level of hypocrisy is stunning.
*whew* Ok, moving on. I will be so glad when this is over.
Post # 3
UGH. How IRRITATING!
I hate that “but if I pay I can bring a guest, right?” question.
Post # 4
She must have other endearing qualities… With that, no, nope, sorry, you cannot bring a gues sweetie. At the rate she’s going there’ll be another guy by the wedding. You don’t need this unnecessary irritation.
Post # 5
We’re having the same issue! Our venue can only fit 100. We have 105 on the invite list now. We gave +1s to everyone in a relationship, regardless of how serious, and the bridal party. I have friends who want to bring their parents or new boyfriends. Argh! I’ve just been saying that we don’t have space but once we start getting back RSVPs, I’ll let them know if we have room for their +1.
Post # 6
@BrandNewBride: Exactly!! It puts me in such an awkward spot. In this case, the only options are:
a) say “yes” and make them pay for the guest, and have the guest most likely resent me for requiring this
b) say “no” and have the guest and their date BOTH resent me for separating them for the evening
c) say “yes” and eat the cost, where guest and date are grateful but inside I just want to punch somebody and I’m out even more money in a budget that’s already stretched to the limits.
Anyone who says they “would understand if they have to pay” is LYING and it’s a total cop-out to guilt someone into inviting their date.
Post # 7
tell her no, but if there ends up being extra space the day or 2 before from people dropping out, he can come.
Post # 8
Oh lordy, I feel your pain!!
One of my FI’s cousins messaged him on Facebook the other day asking if she could come to the wedding. Back story: I’ve never met her, he hasn’t seen her is so many years that he can’t remember the last time, she was (maybe still is?) into some “things”, and she has 2 kids and a Fiance so that would be an extra 4 ppl, not one! I can’t believe she actually had the balls to ask, and through Facebook none the less. Oh! And she also mesaged FI’s brother to ask him if he could ask Fiance for her. Ughhh.
Then I get the RSVP back from my step-sister and her husband with a big fat “6” for the number attending. Ummm, it’s only supposed to be 4 (her, husband, 2 kids). Well the husband added in his parents. Granted, I get along great with my step-sister and her husband and his parents, but I just didn’t feel the need to invite my step-grandparents-in-law haha. But they’re Russian and in their culture, everyone in the family comes to events.
So for the cousin who invited herself, we told her if any space opened up we would let her know. (I wanted to tell her “no” simply because she was rude)
For my step-sister, we’re allowing it because it would cause waaay more porblems to tell them his parents aren’t invited and they’ve always been super nice to my Fiance and me.
Sorry that was so long, that’s the first time I’ve really been able to vent about it. Haha. I think you should just tell her it’s not in the budget but you will reevaluate the situation when you start receiving replies…even if that’s not really the case lol.
Post # 9
You should tell her fine she can switch to this guest, but that is the last change she can make. If, for some reason, he can’t come or she’s dating someone new–tough luck she can come solo.
So annoying how people think someone’s wedding can be their playground.
Post # 10
I’d just tell her that you will be at capacity if everyone else responds yes, so for right now you have to say no. Let her down easy by saying you’ll offer her the spot for this guy if you end up having room.
Then you can just tell her no sorry still don’t have room, or else she’ll solve the problem for you when they inevitably break up!
Post # 11
I would tell her NO and that you’ve reserved one space for her only and it wouldnt be fair to others who may have wanted to invite another guests. The biggest lesson I’ve learned is you WILL make someone upset regarding the guest list no matter what.
Post # 12
@snd485: @ajillity81: @Pinkmoon: I like these ideas! Turns out that FI hasn’t responded to her yet…yippee! Instead of going the martyr route and telling her “yes” immediately, he’s just going to say “no” for now until we get the rest of the RSVPs.
Thanks to all for your input on this….I’m glad I’m not the only one who feels supremely annoyed by this!