Post # 1
Have to vent, and I know some of guys will understand…
We never wanted a big wedding but there are so many family and close friends we want to include now that we’re finally getting married. We have a VERY small venue. The ceremony will only be able to seat half our guests, standing room only for the rest. We made the GL cut-offs at No Kids and No Random People who aren’t in a LTR with a guest.
My very best friend of 20yrs (and MOH) isn’t bringing a date. Neither are family members who have been nuts about their SOs for months.
Enter FI’s college buddy. He isn’t dating anyone, but called FI after the reply date to say that since he’s missing a big party to come to our wedding, he’s going to bring a date. If that’s not forward enough, now we have to wait for him to call back to give us her name. That means 1) he’s not even sure she can come, or 2) he doesn’t even know who he’s bringing.
The caterer needs our counts now. I feel like I have to be the one to follow up on this. FI will probably just buckle. But I don’t know if I should play the bitch card on this…
I’ve spent months researching and following etiquette protocol for these people. How rude is it to tell us you are bringing someone who wasn’t invited! I know the ones who care enough to come in spite of their SOs not being invited wouldnt appreciate the double-standard. And why the heck are we supposed to be the ones footing the bill for someone’s first date?!
We are trying to keep costs down, but it’s the principle, not the money that’s the issue here. I don’t know how I should attack this… any suggestions, anecdotes??
Post # 3
tell him that he is not in a long term relationship and therefore was not invited with a date so he cannot bring one.
Post # 4
No need to play the bitch card. Just tell him the venue is small and there isn’t room for him to bring a date. Simple as that. Boil it down to logistics.
If he doesn’t like that, he might not come, but…tough shit, I say.
Post # 5
@knitB4zod: You need — or preferrably, your FI needs — politely to explain to this gentleman that you simply are unable to accommodate any uninvited guests but that you are very much looking forward to seeing him.
Post # 6
I always think if someone is in the wedding party they should get to bring a date. I don’t know if this guy is or isn’t because you didn’t clarify, but honestly I would just tell him he can’t bring one. You don’t have to be rude about it, but be stern and tell him since he is not in a LTR with her, he cannot bring a date. If he proceeds to fight it further THEN I would pull out the bitch card (but that’s because I hate to repeat myself) and would probably tell him if he plans on bringing her he has the ok to miss the wedding and go to his big party instead.
Post # 7
tell him to go to his party instead if thats all he wanted to do is to score a meal and drink ticket on you guys with a +1
its not just a party free for all, its a WEDDING
Post # 8
Tell him you cannot offer him a date due to space and that if he brings one she will not have a seat or a meal.
Post # 9
I think your guy needs to grow a pair and tell his friend he can’t bring a random date.
Post # 11
FI missed the opportunity to remind him that he was not given a plus one when he called. What DID FI say to him when he made that statement?
Post # 12
I would explain to him the limits, but if there are any cancellations or those that respond no, you will add her to the list…
Trust me, there will be people who won’t rSVP and show up anyway and there will be those who do and don’t show up…