Post # 31
I’ve never heard of giving a teenage guest a plus one. I would never assume & Family means anyone beyond the members of the household to which the invitation was sent, but as I have discovered on these boards people take lots of license to invite their own guests.
Post # 32
“I’m sorry, but due to space constraints we are unable to accomodate children beyond immediate family. If this means you won’t be able to attend, we understand and you will be missed.”
End scene. Gosh, that’s so rude and awkward of them! Sorry to hear of your troubles.
Post # 33
Atalanta is STRAIGHT TRIPPIN! Give every guest a plus one hahahahahahhahahaha sorry I’ll be over here laughing about that with every bride whose ever gotten married and not been a millionaire. I’m only inviting engaged or marries couples, and not even some people who have been dating for years that we aren’t close to. We have very strict space constraints and all these guest are more than ok with it and know plenty of other people, but bottom line is it’s your wedding and you invite who you can and want to invite, whether you have 10 or 500 guests.
I honestly would never imagine “and family” would open doors for weird people being added. And family means ummm family, like couple and their children. I think it’s pretty clear. Is the boyfriend related to the adults addressed on the invite? (If so, eww for the daughter) but otherwise that’s not family soooooo why would you even assume that?? Esp after dating for 2 months? That is so presumptuous!
Post # 34
I literally cound not think of anything worse than having our teenage guests bring along whichever boyfriend or girlfriend they are courting on instagram and snap chat @ the time of our wedding. To that I say no, ta! Just have the conversation with the family to say the boyfriend can’t be accomodated due to lack of space…. or don’t even give an excuse. You don’t have to, it’s your event!
People are crazy.
Post # 35
I disagree with you that the bride can do what she wants.There are definite etiquette guidelines. Even your own reference makes that clear.
Now, you might wonder if there are times when a guest should in fact have a plus one. Brides and grooms should be aware that spouses, fiancé(e)s and live-in romantic partners (no matter the sex) must be invited with your guests; boyfriends and girlfriends who don’t reside together don’t need to be. This goes for anyone invited to the rehearsal dinner, too.
I would extend this further. Anyone in a long standing romantic relationship should be invited as a couple. There is no reason to penalize someone because they choose not to live together.
Post # 36
eh um, can I remind you it’s not 1915? People are not in cookie cutter relationships that can be perfectly placed into your outdated square shaped Emily Post box.
Brides love following this rule so they can guilt free slight people, but no mater what Emily will tell you it will cause drama for you and the people’s SOs you disregarded.
Post # 37
400 people? You’re brave!
That’s their faux pas for putting that down. Tell them over the phone. I imagine I’ll have to do this at least once, as no matter how clear you think you make things, people just take liberties and assume.
If they’re mad, let it fall off your back. This is your wedding and you dictate who comes.
Post # 38
If this thread last long enough, we will have you up to date. You have so far cited 1890, 1900 and 1915. We are making progress.
Post # 39
I agree with you regarding people in long standing relationships. I was trying to make the point to the OP that she is not required to invite every single person’s boyfriend/girlfriend. And when it comes to plus ones as in “name & guest”, she does not need to do that for every single person that is not in a relationship.
Post # 40
We certainly cannot afford to give every guest a plus one. People will of course say, “Well then cut back the guest list and you’ll be able to give plus ones”. Using that theory, it would mean not having some family and dear friends there to celebrate with us just so we can give out plus ones. Hmmm…celebrate with loved ones or celebrate with strangers??? I think I know what I would pick!! Especially considering we’re buying dinner for all of them!! Call me rude but I refuse to feed and provide alcohol for strangers when I could instead be doing it for my family and friends!!
Post # 41
Anywhere between 1872 and 1950 is correct.
Post # 42
southernmc: Thanks, that is good advice. I took this and went with it 🙂
(The one exception is when the phrase “and family” or “and children” appears, implying that any and all family members residing under the same roof are included.)
haha. I guess I assumed that people would realize it meant under the same roof. (As it seems like quite a few of you do). That is what I think of with “& Family.” It isn’t a huge deal, just more of an annoyance that people don’t think that extra guests=more money.
I am actually okay with extending invites to long term bfs or gfs. Most of them I have heard of and know, so I actually included them on the inner envelope of the invitation by name 🙂
But including teenage bf or gfs? That I have never met or heard of? No. We aren’t going to say anything because honestly, it is more head aches than it is worth, and I am just going to hope that other people realize “& Family” means under the same roof.
And it doesn’t matter what year it is. Etiquette is etiquette and while some things change, some things do not. Adding an RSVP for someone that was not invited, does not change and probably will never change. I don’t know if you are married or not, but I am sure that if when you were/do your guest list you will realizing giving every single person (plus teenagers) a plus one can quickly increase your guest list.
Post # 43
weddings are way too expensive to invite every Joe, Mary, and Sally’s SOs. I think the vast majority of people agree with the spouses, Fiancé’s, and live-in relations only rule. I’m glad you seem to have the expendable resources to double your guest list on random people you have never met, but that doesn’t mean it’s “rude” or “poor ettiquette” that others don’t, or that the hosts of the party would prefer to, you know, pay for people they actually care about.
Post # 44
I have been at several-day-long events for work where I have made a point to try and meet as many people as possible and still not met all 400 attendees.
I almost feel like there are points along a scale of reference to keep in mind here… One is that the bride and groom are not going to be able to meet and talk to everyone at a wedding of 400 people, another is that if everyone decides to add an extra person this is soon going to be a 500 or 600 person event. If this cousin is painfully shy or deals with anxiety to the point of disorder and will simply be better off with her boyfriend and parents kind of sheltering her from everything else, that would be nice to invite him along, especially because as a bride you won’t be able to spend a lot of time with her yourself. On the other hand, if there isn’t any mitigating circumstances to point to when some other cousin asks why her boyfriend is not invited – not so good.
On the third hand (and this would be a point to make to the Aunt who added the RSVP) – do you really want to subject a teenage boy who has been dating your kid for a few months to a wedding with hundreds of your family members?
Post # 45
- Wedding: October 2014 - Legare Waring House
Nope, you don’t need their emails – you just give them the link. It actually will ask for the email, so I have everyone’s email as an added benefit!
It basically searches the list for the names and only allows those whose name it finds to continue. The next screen has the responses, based on the information you provide – so you can make it say something cute if you like, and then you can add text boxes, so we had please let us know if you need transportation for the day of, any allergies, etc.
Then there is a place to link guests so a husband can RSVP for a wife, etc. Anyone who has an open plus one can be given that option so they can write in a name as well.
Then it sends an email to whichever address you have specified, and tells you their response and if they had a note!
Worked really well for us!