(Closed) RSVP Rant

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 31
Member
391 posts
Helper bee

I’ve never heard of giving a teenage guest a plus one. I would never assume & Family means anyone beyond the members of the household to which the invitation was sent, but as I have discovered on these boards people take lots of license to invite their own guests.

Post # 32
Member
391 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
dances123:  “I’m sorry, but due to space constraints we are unable to accomodate children beyond immediate family. If this means you won’t be able to attend, we understand and you will be missed.”

End scene. Gosh, that’s so rude and awkward of them! Sorry to hear of your troubles. 

Post # 33
Member
327 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Atalanta is STRAIGHT  TRIPPIN! Give every guest a plus one hahahahahahhahahaha sorry I’ll be over here laughing about that with every bride whose ever gotten married and not been a millionaire. I’m only inviting engaged or marries couples, and not even some people who have been dating for years that we aren’t close to. We have very strict space constraints and all these guest are more than ok with it and know plenty of other people, but bottom line is it’s your wedding and you invite who you can and want to invite, whether you have 10 or 500 guests. 

I honestly would never imagine “and family” would open doors for weird people being added. And family means ummm family, like couple and their children. I think it’s pretty clear. Is the boyfriend related to the adults addressed on the invite? (If so, eww for the daughter) but otherwise that’s not family soooooo why would you even assume that?? Esp after dating for 2 months? That is so presumptuous! 

Post # 34
Member
2704 posts
Sugar bee

I literally cound not think of anything worse than having our teenage guests bring along whichever boyfriend or girlfriend they are courting on instagram and snap chat @ the time of our wedding. To that I say no, ta! Just have the conversation with the family to say the boyfriend can’t be accomodated due to lack of space…. or don’t even give an excuse. You don’t have to, it’s your event! 

People are crazy.

Post # 35
Member
30392 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

 

View original reply
southernmc:  I disagree with you that the bride can do what she wants.There are definite etiquette guidelines. Even your own reference makes that clear. 

Now, you might wonder if there are times when a guest should in fact have a plus one. Brides and grooms should be aware that spouses, fiancé(e)s and live-in romantic partners (no matter the sex) must be invited with your guests; boyfriends and girlfriends who don’t reside together don’t need to be. This goes for anyone invited to the rehearsal dinner, too.

I would extend this further. Anyone in a long standing romantic relationship should be invited as a couple. There is no reason to penalize someone because they choose not to live together.

Post # 36
Member
3423 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
southernmc:  eh um, can I remind you it’s not 1915?  People are not in cookie cutter relationships that can be perfectly placed into your outdated square shaped Emily Post box. 

Brides love following this rule so they can guilt free slight people, but no mater what Emily will tell you it will cause drama for you and the people’s SOs you disregarded.

Post # 37
Member
1782 posts
Buzzing bee

400 people? You’re brave!

That’s their faux pas for putting that down. Tell them over the phone. I imagine I’ll have to do this at least once, as no matter how clear you think you make things, people just take liberties and assume.

If they’re mad, let it fall off your back. This is your wedding and you dictate who comes.

Post # 38
Member
30392 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
Atalanta:  If this thread last long enough, we will have you up to date. You have so far cited 1890, 1900 and 1915. We are making progress.

Post # 39
Member
63 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

View original reply
julies1949:  I agree with you regarding people in long standing relationships. I was trying to make the point to the OP that she is not required to invite every single person’s boyfriend/girlfriend. And when it comes to plus ones as in “name & guest”, she does not need to do that for every single person that is not in a relationship. 

Post # 40
Member
1767 posts
Buzzing bee

View original reply
Atalanta:  We certainly cannot afford to give every guest a plus one. People will of course say, “Well then cut back the guest list and you’ll be able to give plus ones”. Using that theory, it would mean not having some family and dear friends there to celebrate with us just so we can give out plus ones. Hmmm…celebrate with loved ones or celebrate with strangers??? I think I know what I would pick!! Especially considering we’re buying dinner for all of them!! Call me rude but I refuse to feed and provide alcohol for strangers when I could instead be doing it for my family and friends!!

Post # 41
Member
3423 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
julies1949:  Anywhere between 1872 and 1950 is correct.

Post # 43
Member
1015 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

View original reply
Atalanta:  weddings are way too expensive to invite every Joe, Mary, and Sally’s SOs. I think the vast majority of people agree with the spouses, Fiancé’s, and live-in relations only rule. I’m glad you seem to have the expendable resources to double your guest list on random people you have never met, but that doesn’t mean it’s “rude” or “poor ettiquette” that others don’t, or that the hosts of the party would prefer to, you know, pay for people they actually care about.

Post # 44
Member
2769 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

I have been at several-day-long events for work where I have made a point to try and meet as many people as possible and still not met all 400 attendees.

I almost feel like there are points along a scale of reference to keep in mind here… One is that the bride and groom are not going to be able to meet and talk to everyone at a wedding of 400 people, another is that if everyone decides to add an extra person this is soon going to be a 500 or 600 person event. If this cousin is painfully shy or deals with anxiety to the point of disorder and will simply be better off with her boyfriend and parents kind of sheltering her from everything else, that would be nice to invite him along, especially because as a bride you won’t be able to spend a lot of time with her yourself. On the other hand, if there isn’t any mitigating circumstances to point to when some other cousin asks why her boyfriend is not invited – not so good.

On the third hand (and this would be a point to make to the Aunt who added the RSVP) – do you really want to subject a teenage boy who has been dating your kid for a few months to a wedding with hundreds of your family members?

Post # 45
Member
507 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Legare Waring House

View original reply
Starling2015:  Nope, you don’t need their emails – you just give them the link. It actually will ask for the email, so I have everyone’s email as an added benefit!

It basically searches the list for the names and only allows those whose name it finds to continue. The next screen has the responses, based on the information you provide – so you can make it say something cute if you like, and then you can add text boxes, so we had please let us know if you need transportation for the day of, any allergies, etc.

Then there is a place to link guests so a husband can RSVP for a wife, etc. Anyone who has an open plus one can be given that option so they can write in a name as well. 

Then it sends an email to whichever address you have specified, and tells you their response and if they had a note!

Worked really well for us!

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