Post # 1
Member
328 posts
Helper bee
So our RSVP deadline is next week, and responses have been rolling in. There were a couple of issues with two guests that left us in a sticky situation:
1. FFIL’s cousin is a single woman. Due to number constraints, we only invited people with guests if they are in a very serious relationship. Said cousin calls Future Father-In-Law to ask if she can bring a guest……her sister. Future Father-In-Law has over 20 cousins, many of which he has nothing to do with so he didn’t invite them all, including this cousin’s sister. It was so awkward because the sister is married, and obviously wasn’t invited. But we felt bad saying no since she is family. So we allowed it but I’m seriously peeved about it.
2. Another one of FFIL’s cousins RSVP’ed no, which was a family of 3. We were surprised because they live locally, but no big deal. I used the opportunity to then invite a couple addiional coworkers on the B list since this was an unexpected no. Well, a couple of days ago the cousin messages my Fiance on Facebook and says she got the dates of her vacation wrong and to please change their response to a yes and they all want Filet Mignon.
Really?
Is it just me, or is this incredibly rude of people?
Post # 3
Member
2192 posts
Buzzing bee
Oh goodness… People really tend to be clueless about how much work and effort go into hosting a party. I will say at least the cousin called and asked! We got a lot of “and guest” or “+3” for people who are single and in the same situation. Suck it up! Be an adult and attend an event by yourself!
My biggest peeve is the people who RSVP yes and than never show up. We have a couple that is still on the lam running since we have not heard back from them why they did not show up to our wedding.
Post # 4
Member
1755 posts
Buzzing bee
@candykiss: #1 with the cousin’s sister stinks, but I think agreeing was the right thing and you need to let it go.
#2 is frustrating, but people do make mistakes. I think it was rude of them to contact your fiance through Facebook about it and just assume it’s okay. That’s the sort of thing that a phonecall and asking if it’s too late since they don’t know when you have to have your count to the caterer.
Post # 5
Member
1736 posts
Bumble bee
I agree that the RSVP scenario #1 is really annoying (and not to mention awkward)! RSVP situation #2, I do think you should let slide. She contacted your Fiance within the parameters of the deadline and indicated that she made a mistake. The whole Facebook thing aside (really people, pick up the phone) – she didn’t do anything wrong. It was just a mistake – so though it’s annoying and frustrating…you shouldn’t let that one get to you! 🙂
Post # 6
Member
487 posts
Helper bee
1 – yeah I can see why you’re annoyed but I think you’ve done the best thing in the long run.
2 – Err NO! You should definitely nicely tell them that since they responded no, you have invited other people who otherwise would not be able to come and you can’t now uninvite them. Apologise and be overly nice, but remind them it was their mistake and whilst you would have loved them to come, the venue numbers are limited.
Post # 7
Member
2716 posts
Sugar bee
I can see how #1 is annoying, but at least she called and asked. She was probably hoping that you receieved some RSVP no’s and would be able to bring a guest. I do think you did the right thing by allowing her to come.
However, I don’t see an issue with #2. The cousin made a mistake and corrected it within the alloted RSVP time. If it had been after the RSVP due date, I could see your point. But I also think B-lists are rude so there’s that.
Post # 8
Member
2616 posts
Sugar bee
@candykiss: least they told you in advance, one week ) before the wedding my mother inlaw called my husband to say a family of 3 from out of town are coming to the wedding, they rsvp no two months prior, hubby didnt tell me til following day. also had 5 people cancel the night before the wedding after everything was paid for.
Post # 9
Member
701 posts
Busy bee
I’m having the same problem. All the websites I read told me to estimate that about 20% or so of your guest list will decline, so we invited about 20% more to hit our target guest count of 150. Well honestly I’ve had more people adding extra guests, dates, uninvited children etc. than I’ve had people decline the invite! So we are 20% above the guest count PLUS all these extra uninvited guests.
At the start of the RSVPing we declined to allow extra guests and got very negative reactions. It’s annoying, but at this point we decided we don’t want our guests to hate us, so we have been allowing all of the extra people. Aside from children which we are not budging on as it is an adult only reception and that has nothing to do with the budget.
Post # 10
Member
635 posts
Busy bee
Situation #2 is just one of the many reasons why B lists are a bad, bad idea.
Post # 11
Member
3267 posts
Sugar bee
The first people are 100% out of line.
But the second scenario, I actually think they were fine. They responded to you within your RSVP window with the correction. Once that had lapsed, I think they would have been rude, but since it had not yet passed I think they were ok. How were they to know that you were doing a B-list? It sounds to me like an honest mistake, that they quickly tried to rectify.
Post # 12
Member
2697 posts
Sugar bee
I think it is kind of odd to invite one cousin and not all; that kind of goes against most etiquette guidelines for invites, so I’m actually not surprised that she wanted to bring her sister.
I don’t think people #2 are in the wrong either.
Post # 13
Member
1415 posts
Bumble bee
I think on complaint #1 you don’t have much room to complain… etiquette commonly dictates that all members of the same category must be invited to a wedding, i.e. if you invite one cousin you have to invite them all.
Post # 14
Member
3267 posts
Sugar bee
@All In: etiquette commonly dictates that all members of the same category must be invited to a wedding, i.e. if you invite one cousin you have to invite them all.
This is not true. Etiquette does not demand that you pick “levels” As there are often very complex social dynamics in place. If there were such a rule (which there is not), “level” of closeness is just as valid as level of blood relation.
Etiquette does demand that social units be invited together to all events. But a sister or cousin is not a social unit.
People often apply such a rule, because they don’t want to have to stand up to family members, or risk offending someone. But it is not out of adherence to any type of etiquette rule.
Post # 15
Member
2031 posts
Buzzing bee
Both are annoying, but I think it was nice you allowed the cousin to bring her sister as a guest. As for the person who said No and changed it, she did tell you before the deadline, so she probably didn’t think it was a big deal (she might not know what a B list is), and probably thought she was doing something nice by letting you know the fastest way possible. Luckily you can vent on the Bee 🙂
Post # 16
Member
328 posts
Helper bee
Thanks girls! I agree the second person was okay, it was an honest mistake, and she contacted us to let us know, its just frustrating! So far of 201 people invited, we’ve had 118 yes’s and 8 nos. Yup.
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