(Closed) RSVP – REALLY? Suggestion needed

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
7902 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

You need to call her and explain that you can only accommodate the guests invited, end of story.

Post # 4
1276 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

You call her up, explain that there has been a misunderstanding and say that you can only accommodate your guest and her husband but you appreciate her sister wanting to celebrate with you. 

Post # 5
9917 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

Only those to whom the invitation is addressed are invited.  Write or call them, and say, “I am terribly sorry for the misunderstanding, but we only have room for the two of you.  I hope you understand.”

Post # 6
9550 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Yeah, the sister is pretty inexcusable. And I think the baby only gets a pass if she’s still nursing or really little. I’d give them a call and say that you’re sorry for the confusion but the invitation was only for the couple. Blame the venue or costs or that you’re trying to keep it intimate. You did it all right and it’s still coming back to kick you – sucky sucky!

Post # 7
3625 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Is her sister underaged? If so, I would probably let them know that unfortunately, this is an adult reception (bonus points if it’s actually listed somewhere, like your website). If you are feeling particularly helpful, you can extend an offer to help look for or get suggestions for a sitter.

If her sister is an adult, then I would reiterate that 1) it is an adult reception and 2) unfortunately, due to budget and/or space constraints, you have only reserved two seats for her and her Darling Husband and if anything changes, you will let her know (and since you don’t know said sister, nothing will change).

By the way, if said sister is an adult and if said baby is very young, you *may* run into a problem that she will respond with “Great! Then my sister and I will come and Darling Husband will stay home with the baby.” Will you be okay with this?

Post # 8
46404 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

“We were so excited to receive your rsvp and hear that you and ____ are able to attend the wedding. Unfortunately we are not able to extend the invitation to include  any more guests. If that means you are unable to attend, we understand and will miss you. Please let us know your decision.”

Don’t make any excuses about why you can’t add guests, budget, room size etc. Some people will always try to come up with a solution to that excuse instead of realizing they are in the wrong in the first place.

Post # 9
332 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

LoL, I swear people just don’t get it. This will FOREVER be an issue with weddings and until I started planning mines never realized it. Take the advice given by PP’s. Good luck!!!

Post # 10
967 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@julies1949:  THIS

Do not make excuses for WHY other people can’t come…it’s YOUR WEDDING…you get to choose who will be invited, not your guests….

Post # 11
9955 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Great advice above… and that is certainly HOW I would present it to the Couple

“Sorry for the misunderstanding, but the Invite was for you and your Hubby because we are having an Adult Only Event.  Sadly, as much as we’d like to accommodate more people, we just cannot”

That’s it, that’s all… do not elaborate (or the really worst folks for this etiquette faux pas, will try to squeeze their toes in the door with some sort of guilt-bargaining…)

As they say… it is ALL ABOUT the Invite Envelope, and WHO is listed there.  Period.

I cannot believe how many people don’t seem to know that … or that when you write “2 Seats have been Reserved for You” it couldn’t be any clearer !!

Sorry, mini-RANT of mine.  Although impolite for a Host to actually say that… I would certainly be tempted.

BUT here is a thought,

Perhaps the couple haven’t been invited to a Wedding before.  Maybe they read and understood… about the reception part, and are just bringing baby daughter and their Sister to the Wedding Ceremony… having made plans to have their daughter babysat during the Reception by said Sister.

Not knowing how to fill out the RSVP card, they just wrote in what they did

Maybe, maybe, maybe ???

Or not… either way ya gotta call em up and explain… Adult Reception, Invite was for 2 addressed to the Couple… and that is who the 2 seats are being Reserved for, period.

EDIT TO ADD – Great quote by julies1949 use that one… and just keep repeating if need be until they fully understand.


Post # 12
2135 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I really can’t believe the nerve of some people. Adding the baby is one thing, but then to add her sister that you have never met??? Thats crazy!

Post # 13
2856 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@julies1949:   +1 Exactly this. You don’t owe them an explanation as to the ins and outs of your guest list. Just state simply that just the 2 of them were invited.

Post # 14
174 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I agree with the PPs. This is inexcusably rude of your friend. I would call her and make it clear that it is an adults only reception and that you cannot accommodate any extra guests. I really like the way @julies1949 worded it above.

Just make sure not to use money as an excuse. I have heard about people offering to pay for the extra person, which is not the point at all. Good luck to you!

Post # 15
7902 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

Don’t make any excuses.

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