Post # 16
Maybe I’m the odd duck out, but to get an email reminder before the RSVP date even passed would annoy me. For one, feels pretty impersonal to get an email reminder for a wedding, and two, I would technically still have a day to respond via your website. That’s just me though. I’d still wait until 5/25 to respond, since that was the day given to me.
Post # 17
Thanks for the replies everyone.
Well, I may be a rude bride but my abrupt message seems to have been effective! We’ve gone from less then 40% response rate to over 75% response rate in the last 12 hours since sending out the email.
Luckily they weren’t all declines *sheepish grin*
Post # 18
Yes sending reminder before race date is justnkind of annoying. If you needed to know sooner then you should have put an earlier rsvp date…
Post # 19
Okay but to all of those saying you can’t send it before – she sent it one day before the deadline. Not a big deal. I think really 99% of people receiving that email had forgotten. Honestly OP the bee is always very uptight about these things but you know your guests best. id bet that none of them thought it was rude. I thought the phrasing was fine! Only downfall was not bccing but really we have all been there!
Post # 20
I normally rsvp immediately so it most likely wouldn’t apply to me but I wouldnt care for getting an email when the deadline hasn’t passed. As others said, if you needed to know sooner you should have made the deadline sooner.
Post # 21
*****DISCLAIMER: I’ve let my faux pas of lack of BCCing and slightly-too-abrupt wording go — at this point, the whole pre-vs-post reminder is what intrigues me (intrigues italicized to point out this is a purely academic exploration of differing opinions)
That said. Several PPs have pointed out that I should have asked for an earlier date if I wanted people to respond by the 25th. My reaction to that is that I don’t actually care if guests respond today or tomorrow…I just want them to respond BEFORE the 26th. While it was a nice bonus that guests responded very quickly after my email (probably highlighting that the majority of them had just forgotten to and it was not an intentional delay), nobody is in the wrong by waiting until tomorrow to respond (and I hold no frustration to anyone who does).
Why is a reminder that says “Our deadline is coming up soon” interpreted as “I need to know right now”? Is that just social sensitivity? Loss of nuance in type versus spoken word? Would you be offended if we’d bumped into each other in person and at the end of the interaction I said “oh and don’t forget, RSVP deadline for the wedding is Monday!”
When I picture that exchange my respond to the bride would be “It’ll be there” or “Ah yes thanks, I’ve been meaning to do that”. I wouldn’t think twice about it, but those that are in the “post-deadline only reminder” camp…would you?
Post # 22
TravelingBride31: it was rude because it was before the deadline. They weren’t late, and are presumably adults who would have responded on time.
Had you sent the reminder after the deadline it would have been fine.
Post # 23
I don’t think a reminder the day before is necessarily rude. I mean, lets be honest, if there are 40 people left to RSVP, were they REALLY all going to rsvp the next day??? Like, they were just waiting for the very last day?? No. It probably slipped their mind…and any of us who have awaited RSVP’s know that a lot of work can only be done AFTER you know your numbers. (Place cards, tables, etc.)
Post # 24
TravelingBride31: This is why I think it’s rude to remind someone about RSVPing before the actual deadline:
My thing is that I always RSVP right away. If I don’t, the only reason is because we’re trying to figure out if/how we can attend. So then I make it a point to have the RSVP deadline in my calendar. So if I’m waiting until the deadline, it’s for a reason. I get that not everyone is like me and it just slips some people’s minds, but if I got an email “reminding” me to RSVP on time, I’d be a little annoyed. There’s a reason I’m waiting and you reminding me makes me feel like even though I still haven’t done anything wrong that I’m inconveniencing you in some way. That’s the thing. You never want your guests to think they’re being rude when they haven’t done anything wrong. If it’s after the deadline? By all means harass me as much as you’d like! But at least wait until the deadline has passed.
Post # 25
I think you were fine to do it. I agree that sending a reminder 2 or 3 weeks before a deadline is rude, but I think that 24 hours before the deadline is appropriate.
FWIW, how I did something similar, but different: our room block expired last Thursday. On the Monday before, I posted a reminnder on our wedding’s private Facebook page that people needed to make their reservations by Thursday in order to receive the group discount. I added a sentence at the end of the post that said “Please remember to RSVP by May 28 if you haven’t already.” And in the next few days, the number of RSVPs I received increased significantly!
Post # 26
It’s rude to send before, because a guest actually COULD have sent it, and you just havent received it yet (assuming regular mail). I could have put something in the mail 3 days ago and you might not receive it until mid week. Yes inconvenient, but calling out your guests when they’ve done nothing wrong (yet) is rude. Even with online reminders, they still haven’t done anything wrong by not RSVPing a day ahead of time.
But anyways, it’s done. Just a note for other lurkers/people planning to do that.
Hopefully everyone gets their RSVPs in quickly for you!
Post # 27
TravelingBride31: This is not a big deal, don’t be so hard on yourself.
Post # 28
As an invited guest, I’d feel more embarrassed than offended that I was tardy and making the bride reach out to me knowing the bride is busy enough! I’ve been that person, and that’s always my reaction regardless of whether she reaches out before/after the RSVP deadline.
Post # 29
Honestly, I don’t think its a faux pas even before deadline. Just as you said, people get really busy and forget and I would have appreciated the reminder myself.
Post # 30
I do not see this as rude at all! I dont understand why people think something like this is rude. They are your wedding guests so you should feel somewhat comfortable with them, and they you. If I got something like a reminder I would say “Oh crap, I forgot!” and do it right away. You need numbers for your vendors. Reminding people of something is not rude at all. People are just way too up tight these days