(Closed) RSVP Reminder Faux-Pas?

posted 3 years ago in Guests
Post # 16
2872 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

Maybe I’m the odd duck out, but to get an email reminder before the RSVP date even passed would annoy me. For one, feels pretty impersonal to get an email reminder for a wedding, and two, I would technically still have a day to respond via your website. That’s just me though. I’d still wait until 5/25 to respond, since that was the day given to me.

Post # 18
319 posts
Helper bee

Yes sending reminder before race date is justnkind of annoying. If you needed to know sooner then you should have put an earlier rsvp date… 

Post # 19
1541 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Okay but to all of those saying you can’t send it before – she sent it one day before the deadline. Not a big deal. I think really 99% of people receiving that email had forgotten. Honestly OP the bee is always very uptight about these things but you know your guests best. id bet that none of them thought it was rude. I thought the phrasing was fine! Only downfall was not bccing but really we have all been there! 

Post # 20
728 posts
Busy bee

I normally rsvp immediately so it most likely wouldn’t apply to me but I wouldnt care for getting an email when the deadline hasn’t passed. As others said, if you needed to know sooner you should have made the deadline sooner.

Post # 22
3277 posts
Sugar bee

TravelingBride31:  it was rude because it was before the deadline. They weren’t late,  and are presumably adults who would have responded on time. 

Had you sent the reminder after the deadline it would have been fine. 

Post # 23
61 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

I don’t think a reminder the day before is necessarily rude.  I mean, lets be honest, if there are 40 people left to RSVP, were they REALLY all going to rsvp the next day??? Like, they were just waiting for the very last day?? No.  It probably slipped their mind…and any of us who have awaited RSVP’s know that a lot of work can only be done AFTER you know your numbers. (Place cards, tables, etc.)

Post # 24
6734 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

TravelingBride31:  This is why I think it’s rude to remind someone about RSVPing before the actual deadline: 

My thing is that I always RSVP right away. If I don’t, the only reason is because we’re trying to figure out if/how we can attend. So then I make it a point to have the RSVP deadline in my calendar. So if I’m waiting until the deadline, it’s for a reason. I get that not everyone is like me and it just slips some people’s minds, but if I got an email “reminding” me to RSVP on time, I’d be a little annoyed. There’s a reason I’m waiting and you reminding me makes me feel like even though I still haven’t done anything wrong that I’m inconveniencing you in some way. That’s the thing. You never want your guests to think they’re being rude when they haven’t done anything wrong. If it’s after the deadline? By all means harass me as much as you’d like! But at least wait until the deadline has passed.

Post # 25
1740 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

I think you were fine to do it.  I agree that sending a reminder 2 or 3 weeks before a deadline is rude, but I think that 24 hours before the deadline is appropriate.  

FWIW, how I did something similar, but different:  our room block expired last Thursday.  On the Monday before, I posted a reminnder on our wedding’s private Facebook page that people needed to make their reservations by Thursday in order to receive the group discount.  I added a sentence at the end of the post that said “Please remember to RSVP by May 28 if you haven’t already.”  And in the next few days, the number of RSVPs I received increased significantly!  

Post # 26
3335 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

It’s rude to send before, because a guest actually COULD have sent it, and you just havent received it yet (assuming regular mail). I could have put something in the mail 3 days ago and you might not receive it until mid week. Yes inconvenient, but calling out your guests when they’ve done nothing wrong (yet) is rude. Even with online reminders, they still haven’t done anything wrong by not RSVPing a day ahead of time.

But anyways, it’s done. Just a note for other lurkers/people planning to do that.

Hopefully everyone gets their RSVPs in quickly for you!


Post # 27
5897 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

TravelingBride31:  This is not a big deal, don’t be so hard on yourself.

Post # 28
362 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

As an invited guest, I’d feel more embarrassed than offended that I was tardy and making the bride reach out to me knowing the bride is busy enough! I’ve been that person, and that’s always my reaction regardless of whether she reaches out before/after the RSVP deadline. 

Post # 29
898 posts
Busy bee

Honestly, I don’t think its a faux pas even before deadline. Just as you said, people get really busy and forget and I would have appreciated the reminder myself. 

Post # 30
498 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I do not see this as rude at all! I dont understand why people think something like this is rude. They are your wedding guests so you should feel somewhat comfortable with them, and they you. If I got something like a reminder I would say “Oh crap, I forgot!” and do it right away. You need numbers for your vendors. Reminding people of something is not rude at all. People are just way too up tight these days

  • This reply was modified 3 years, 2 months ago by  katy498.

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