(Closed) RSVP Reminder Faux-Pas?

posted 3 years ago in Guests
Post # 31
1749 posts
Bumble bee

A reminder about a deadline in a work or school situation is the person of authority reminding someone of ‘lesser standing’ to do their work. 

The reminder also (to me) carries a bit of “you aren’t responsible enough to organize your life.”

Rather than being treated as a subordinate, as a guest I prefer to be thought of as an adult who can comply with social obligations without requiring prompting.  Unfortunately, it seems from post after post on this subject that many adults DO, apparently, need someone to keep them organized enough to respond.  

Maybe the best way not to annoy the responsible people is to wait until after the deadline has passed to remind the ‘slackers.’

Post # 32
2098 posts
Buzzing bee

TravelingBride31:  Nah, it’s okay… what’s done is done…  I think people prefer short to the point emails to long rambling ones anyway! I wouldn’t bat an eye at that email. 

Post # 33
1891 posts
Buzzing bee

I always think it’s good to learn the official etiquette on things and the reasoning behind it. I understand why the official stance is that it’s rude to remind people when there’s still time for them to reply before the deadline.

That said, c’mon. Should we really be concerned about offending people who waited until the last possible day to respond? How many of them were really going to do it before you prompted them? I think you’re fine.

Post # 34
13528 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’d be a bit put off if my email address was included on the list of non-responders, and also about getting the naughty-list email prior to the RSVP deadline.  If I’m not late, I don’t need to be reminded of the deadline. If I then miss the deadline, by all means, call me out.

Post # 35
1147 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I wouldn’t feel offended or upset by this, seeing as it was sent within a day of when your deadline is. Had I received your email I can almost guarantee it would’ve been because I forgot about the deadline. Now had the email been sent a WEEK ahead, sure, that’s rude, but I really doubt that many people were planning to respond on the very last day. I’d be willing to bet 90% of those guests just forgot. 

I wouldn’t worry about it too much, OP. 

Post # 36
11774 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

By traditional etiquette we are all still supposed to be offended to receive a reply card because it implies that people wouldn’t otherwise know how to respond or when. However, these days, people almost universally send reply cards and give RSVP dates. Even now people are supposed to reply just as soon as they can, and not wait until some artifical deadline. Unless there is a compelling conflict, the idea that it is correct to wait for the deadline to reply is incorrect. 

That said, it will indeed be considered rude or pushy to chase people down before a deadline that you yourself have imposed. Wait a few days, then feel free to call those who have not yet replied. 


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