(Closed) RSVP shocker from a BM

posted 11 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 32
4566 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Wow, that seems really… weird. Huh. I mean, even if the invitation wasn’t wanted (and I’ve been invited to a few weddings where I KNEW they just wanted a present and I had no desire to go) I at least RSVPd no.

Post # 33
9048 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

I’ve not RSVP’d before kind of… We were invited to my fiance (then boyfriend’s) cousin’s wedding two summers ago.  They live across the country, and my fiance’s dad had RSVP’d, and called to say he would be the only one representing the “Smith” family.  But yeah, we didn’t send in the actual card.  Partially because it was not my family, and address to Matt Smith and Guest (even though we lived together) I kind of didn’t feel like it was my responsibility to reply for us.

Invitations addressed directly to me, I’ve always RSVP’d yes or no.

Post # 34
3124 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

I’m in the camp that assumes no response card is a no. While I think you should DEF send those cards back, I wasn’t a bride that was going on a calling spree. If i didn’t hear from ya, you weren’t getting dinner. haha!

Post # 35
259 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

I sent facebook messages to 6 of my last 10 hold outs on my side last week.  Only got 2 responses from them!  4 people have just not replied at all!  I’m giving one girl a text message tonight because her mom is coming, but the rest, I’m putting down as no’s.

Post # 36
2360 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - New York Botanical Garden

I would definitely follow up!  It seems a little inconsiderate not to send any word back at all, and you definitely can call to see if they are coming!  However, I think people learn the power of RSVPing only after they have an affair like this – they don’t seem to realize the cost and anxiety!

Post # 37
972 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

We have only gotten back 10 rsvp’s so far and the deadline was 2 weeks ago! Craziness, we had a list B but we’ve decided not even to send the second batch out, I know it was super early for us to send out our invites (90 days) but still, its so easy to just rsvp we dont understand why people arent on their toes about it.  Im really dreading calling the people that havent responded too!

Post # 38
1001 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I am planning on calling those who don’t RSVP.  We’re doing assigned seating, so there wouldn’t be a place set for them! 

I always send the reply card back.  Actually, there’s only ever been two weddings I couldn’t make it to, and one was because it was the same date as another friend’s wedding (FI and I split up and attended separately) and one was a destination wedding.  I sent back the card, and I also called her and sent a gift along with a friend who was attending.

Post # 39
1049 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 1998

I’ve never heard of that before! You absolutely should not feel bad calling people if they don’t RSVP. It’s totally acceptable.

Post # 40
5822 posts
Bee Keeper

Most of my aunts and uncles that weren’t coming told my mother that they weren’t coming instead of sending the RSVP card back.  Which is annoying considering they were PRESTAMPED so it’s not like it takes more than 30 seconds to check “No,” lick the envelope, and throw it back in the mailbox!  But basically almost ALL of our declines came word of mouth and not mailed back to us.  I only had to call a handful of people!

Post # 41
74 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Wow!  I plan on calling the no- replies…well either me, my mom, or future mil anyways…I did forget to send in an RVSP last summer(found it after the wedding) and I ususally do try to at least sent it back with a No if I’m not able to come.  But still do send a gift even if I’m not attending.   Maybe ur Bridesmaid or Best Man just didn’t really know better??..

Post # 42
431 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

You should contact those guests who didn’t RSVP (for whatever reason).  Not sending your card in does not = no.  I have never hear of this.  This is why there is a regret line.  REGRETS ONLY is common on invitations to less formal events, but I’ve never heard of Accepts Only and certainly not for a wedding.  See if you can correct this BM’s behavior noting the extra work, confusion, and awkwardness not mailing in a little card (that is already stamped and addressed!) can cause.  How are you to know someone is being ignorant opposed to someone whose invite was lost in the mail (happened to me)??  Where is her logic?  What is her reason?  It is impolite and shows no regard for the couple, although I cannot imagine someone being conscious of this and still doing it so she must just be clueless.

Post # 43
128 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Its amazing how one persons ignorance can result in so much extra work for the bride. 

Are people really that dense….????why else would there be a stamped return envelope and an RSVP card if it wasnt meant to be sent back?

I’ve been called OCD in my life but I’d rather be called that anytime than have people wonder if I have a brain.

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