(Closed) RSVP Support Group – or "What is so difficult about this?!"

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
3527 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

I sent out my invites 6 days ago…. sitting here waiting.. deadline is March 31st. Hoping I won’t have to hunt down too many non repliers in April.

FIs mom called today said she got the invite.. and said she has spoken to B (cousin of FIs father, but they are close so she+husband are invited) and B mentioned that she would like to extend the invitation to her son+wife who we have litteraly met once *sigh* we have met B’s 2 daughters and their grown children many times and really like them and we of course have invited the whole gang… but this “wanting to extend the invitation..” um what? 😨 anyways..I contacted B’s daughters to get their brother’s address and to send him an invite. Because I cant stand this whole thing with invited people extending invites to people not on our guest list. So I can picture this guy getting an invite at the end of the week and probably not even knowing who’s wedding this is😂 *fingers crossed* he rsvps no. I just wanna make sure I am not rude and dont step on older family members toes because they are important to us.. so I guess we are inviting B’s son now..😧

Post # 3
88 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: Los Coyotes Country Club

My STD weren’t even out and I’m already getting people inviting plus ones. Like how do you even know that you’re invited, let alone invite someone else. So I can only imagine the RSVP drama when it comes time. 

Post # 4
632 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

I am sending out my save the dates by the end of this month: everyone has already been warned, 1) No children (only a flowergirl who has 2 parents to supervise her and she’s my lil buddy anyway) 2) No plus ones unless you’re in the wedding party. But I have had grandmas nosey-ass friends start some drama for invites (They are not bullying their way into this wedding….I don’t know them).

They have all been warned that I will cut a fool who gives me a hard time. 

Post # 5
321 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

we had to chase up a heap of people- mostly relatives (of the, ‘but of course we will be there!!’ variety… except some were coming and some weren’t). So annoying!

We had a couple of people try to get extras to come… my brother complained that there would be no one fun there. Whatever, they’re your family too! DH’s sister asked to invite her best friend as ‘who else would she talk to’. Again. Her family.

We also had a friend pull out the day before the wedding… after the seating plan and stuff was all done. Luckily we could invite a colleague we kind of regretted not inviting, and she came and it was awesome… but it still sucks how last minute the other guest pulled out!

Post # 6
2168 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - Hogarths, Solihull

View original reply
iwanticecream :  We’ve only had to chase up a few, thankfully.

My favourites have been the ones who haven’t ticked a response. Like, that’s great guys but are you coming or not? 

Post # 7
37 posts
  • Wedding: April 2017

We sent out STDs June of last year for our wedding next month that is a destination for everyone. Our response date is 3/12 and we have more than half outstanding. Its annoying for sure. Hopefully this last week brings responses in. 

Post # 8
38 posts
  • Wedding: July 2018

My mother is trying to invite twice as many people as me. Her list puts our guest list over the capacity of our venue. She tried to add someone to her list last night. I asked her if there was anyone  she could cut off her list, since me and fiance have both cut back our lists as much as we possibly can. I’ve cut off people I really want to invite to accomodate my mom since my family is paying for about 80% of our wedding. My mom hung up the phone in a huff last night and now I’m not sure if she’s talking to me…

Post # 9
1253 posts
Bumble bee

I feel your pain!

No one in my husbands immediate family thought they needed to rsvp. Best was his sister who had to be reminded 5-6 times, she then rsvp’d yes for her and 3 kids.  Then a week after the cutoff (less than a month before the wedding) she says she isn’t coming. Then one of her kids is coming. We contact her and let her know that as we’re two weeks out, no more changes can be made. She agrees  

Then a week before the wedding she IS coming- of course she doesn’t tell me or my mom this- she texts my FI- not ASKING if she can come, but TELLING him, as she booked a flight. 

Needless to say, she was sat in the far corner with no one she knew. (This may sound harsh, but she ruined a few other wedding-related things for me, so I was over it)

Post # 10
1189 posts
Bumble bee

The RSVPs were the thing that drove me the most bonkers at my wedding!~ and the thing was…. it was MY FAMILY (who really are a lovely,  normal lot) somehow lost 75 IQ points each when it came to filling out the damn rsvp card and sticking it in the mail. Dh’s family miraculously managed to do this without a hitch.

I was getting married in southern CA and my family all lived in Canada so I knew that cost wise, most of my cousins and their families would be unlikely to attend… but I had been invited to and I attended all of their weddings in Canada, so I couldn’t NOT invite them. So….. I send out all the invites and a few trickle in saying that they won’t attend, but the majority? Um….. I don’t hear at all. So, I call my mom who lives near all these relatives and tell her to please find out what is going on with the rsvp’s. By The Way…. she and my dad and my sister didn’t rsvp either- but then  again, I KNEW that they would be coming so…. whatever.

Anyway, one rsvp comes back just blank. Not filled out, envelope wasn’t closed, nothing. So, I knew whose rsvp it was and I call my mom and ask, is this person coming or not? ( I had tiny numbers on the back so I knew which person the rsvp belonged to). My mom made some calls and got some crazy ass stories, like so and so just started a new job and isn’t sure if she is eligible for some vacation time yet, and she will ask but just is working up the guts to do it…..and so and so is selling his vehicle and if it sells prior to the wedding then he will come, etc…. the whole thing just made me so damn mad. I mean, honestly, what am I supposed to do? Tell the caterer…. this many yes’s , this many no’s and this many maybe’s? We MIGHT have food, because they MIGHT attend? Even my dad’s two sisters who were like grandmas to me growing up couldn’t check the NO box and put the card in the mail. I reminded my mom that the rsvp’s is how I kept track of attendees. One of these aunties sent a gift, which we opened after the wedding. The rsvp was in the box. Great. not helpful.

OP~ I seriously feel your pain aroudn this topic. It still makes me mad even to think about it…. and i was married a long time ago!




Post # 11
243 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

View original reply
iwanticecream :  most of our RSVPs were fine, but there were 3 of them that stick out in my mind. 

2 of them came back with the people requesting 2 meals each. One was a friend of mine who was coming by herself because her Fiance couldn’t make it. She though that since it said “2 seats have been reserved” that meant she still got 2 meals even though her guest wasn’t coming. Um, no. The other one was DH’s aunt and uncle who both felt it appropriate to circle 2 meals each and put their initials by the ones they wanted. What?! You get 1 each. Were they wanting to take one home for later?! Lol

The third RSVP that sticks out in my mind was DH’s cousins. We didn’t have an adults only wedding, but we didn’t invite every child, because we had to make the cut somewhere. So onl immediate family were extended an invitation for their children as well. DH’s cousins RSVP’d with a lovely written note underneath “2 seats have been reserved” that said “and the kiddos!” Really? We’re the kids names on the invitation, or did it say “Mr. and Mrs. ___”? And if they couldn’t figure out what THAT meant, I thought the “2 seats have been reserved” would have been enough. Some people just don’t get it I guess lol. Honestly, if there are questions, I would think people would rather reach out to the couple than assume, but that is by far not always the case! Lol. It’s ok. Gave us comic relief during the stresses of wedding planning 🙂

Post # 12
241 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

Pretty much all of my DH’s friends asked why they couldn’t just give us a verbal yes or no. His one friend was one of the first people to RSVP and was like “Come on dude it’s not that hard they even put a stamp on there for you!” He gets a gold star. Then of course half of them lost or threw away the invitation so they kept calling asking when and where it was. 

A former coworker/boss of mine texted me after the RSVP date saying she was trying to make it. A week later she RSVP’d yes for her and her husband. Then apparently the day of the wedding she texted my friend to say they weren’t going and it wasn’t because of an emergency or anything. Saw she was on Facebook all that day and she never told me. Still haven’t heard from her. 

My mom’s one friend had the audacity to tell her I should have my wedding somewhere else because that part of town has so much traffic. She would never give my mom a yes or no. 

The worst was my Mother-In-Law. There’s a long drawn out story with not wanting to invite his aunt but they kept insisting they needed her there to take of his grandma with Alzheimer’s. We give in and invite her and had a big fight when we asked if grandma is going to be well enough to make it to dinner. So a few days before the wedding she says the aunt and grandma are coming for the wedding but not having dinner BUT WAIT, SHES DONE US A FAVOR (!!!!) she invited his two brothers new girlfriends that we told them they could bring but they declined. We had last minute +1s that we could have accommodated but couldn’t because Mother-In-Law “did us a favor”. Thennnnnnn this bitch has the audacity to turn to us at dinner and say that the grandma and aunt could have stayed for dinner because there were empty seats (boss that didn’t show up and my grandma fell and my aunt was taking care of her) as if we threw them out on the streets. 


Post # 14
298 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
SmartCookie1 :  

I’m sorry, I’m sure that was fustrating but I just had to laugh at her putting her RSVP in the gift box. I could see a lot of old people getting confused and doing that xD

Post # 15
7934 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

who cares what people put on their song request list.  we did madlib style rsvp cards.  80% of the people filled them out.  i didn’t care that others didn’t  we did it for fun.  as long as they rsvp’ed with the information we needed, yes they were coming and they wanted to eat ______. 

we also did a spot for song request.  we didn’t have a must play or do not play.  actually, we didn’t give any song list to the dj.  it was just on the card.

so use the songs or not.  it is not a requirement, its your wedding.

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