Post # 1
People, READ! If the person’s name was not on the invite, then they aren’t invited! We just had someone whose husband can’t make it, and so she just wrote someone else’s name onto the RSVP. Who does that? Guests aren’t interchangeable! This woman was a courtesy invite at best. Her husband works with my FI’s father, so the primary relationship is with the husband, not the wife. So this woman who we barley know is attending with a complete stranger. Why do they even want to come?
And on top of that, she didn’t write out the substitute guest’s full name (used a nickname), and just wrote “1” and “1” for the two menu choices, when the invite clearly said to initial so we can indicate each guest’s choice to the waitstaff and they end up getting the right meal. So we have to call these people and have this super awkward convo of “So who are you attending with? Ok, and how do you spell that person’s name? And which of you is having which meal?” The best part is, no one, not me, FI, or his parents recognize the name of the new guest. So we have also have to figure out if the person is over 18 or not (no kids at the wedding…)
Unless the new name is a little kid, I’m not going to tell them this person can’t come because that seems like more drama than it’s worth. But I’m still just sort of stunned- who does that without even asking first?!
Post # 3
I think people are clueless about invitations not being interchangeable. It does seem really odd that these people would want to come. Strange.
Post # 4
- Wedding: January 2011 - Vintage Villas
It always amazes me how much people don’t seem to understand about weddings!! That’s just strange.
Post # 5
The more blogs I read the more astonished I am. People have NO idea about weddings, RSVP’s, guest, or ediquett. I recently went to a wedding and a guy friend of my fiance did not show up to the wedding and he was invited with guest! We sent him a text figured maybe he was running late and he wrote back, “oh I told my girlfriends kids I would do something with them”……..WTF………are you serous!!! Do you realize this couple just dished out like $200 for you to come and you just blew it off.
Also, I had a friend who asked if he could bring a guest to my best friends wedding. He has no girlfriend and was invited single. In the end they were able to add a guest for him, then he has the audacity to show up ALONE! What is wrong with people???
I am also finding that people do not realize that they need to respond to an RSVP. My sister is throwing my shower…….she has not heard from almost everyone on my FI side of the family. His family also hasn’t been to wedding since their own and they all seem to think their kids, who I don’t know, are invited. People don’t seem to realize that weddings really have changed over the 20 years and they are redicuously expensive.
WOW sorry, just had to vent. I feel like I want to get all of my wedding ignorant friends wedding ediquett books for Christmas. Good luck when they have to plan weddings of their own some day.
Post # 6
I am there with you! We are still waiting on some rsvp’s that are over a week late. Close family no less. I have cousins and aunts that are hung up on the fact that we can’t have kids. So they aren’t replying to us. I’ve talked to them about this twice already and still can’t get an answer.
We don’t have the same issue, but I feel for you. The RSVP part was fun initially but now it’s becoming a pain.
Post # 7
Hey, how about this one. I had a guest call me and be like “You forgot to invite my mom so I just added her onto the RSVP” (it was online). People are clueless.
Post # 8
My very own BM just broke up with her super lame and pathetic BF (thank God!). But sadly, she added a new person to attend the rehearsal dinner and the wedding. Seriously?! This other girl is someone we know from college but not someone I consider a friend. I am so astonished!
Post # 9
Haha and I guess I should focus on my spelling and not be so hot headed….correction etiquette.
Post # 10
I’m probably the minority… but I don’t see this as a HUGE deal. I mean, don’t get me wrong… I understand the frustration. However, from a guest’s point of view, if they want to attend your wedding and their guest can’t – I’m sure they don’t want to go alone!
Post # 11
I’m guilty of doing this for the exact same reason – I didn’t want to travel and go alone to a friend’s wedding. I understand her potential frustration now, but I definitely don’t think I’d fault anyone for it – unless it’s the non-primary invitee, in which case, yikes.
That’d be like FI and I being invited to my best friend’s wedding, and for some reason I can’t go, so FI brings his buddy. Like, what?
Post # 12
I have to admit, I’m with those who would not be bothered by this.
This is actually pretty common, in my experience, with people swapping dates. Things happen, situations arise, but people are generally more comfortable bringing dates, and if you invited two people, then it is fine for two people to show up, regardless of if it was the exact two you had envisioned.
Personally, my parents do this regularly, as my dad has no interest in attending the myriad of weddings my mother feels it would be rude if she missed. But she does not want to attend alone, as she only knows, typically, the bride/groom’s parents and a few other friends. So she usually brings one of us daughters with her. As do many of the other older women, whose husbands no longer want to keep up with the heavy social schedule. While technically the couple was invited, everyone understands and often expects to see someone other than the husband.
As for why she would attend at all – my guess would be it has something to do with her husband and your FI’s father’s relationship. Her husband proably thinks it’s important that they show up to this wedding, and though he can’t make it, he still wants her to “represent” their family at this wedding. And she did not want to attend alone. While you see your lack of closeness to her as a reason she should not bring a “stranger” to your wedding, I’m more inclined to see it as a reason she would want a date.
All that being said, yes it is annoying when people don’t follow the instructions on an RSVP, like the initialing. Do they think you just wrote that for no reason??
Post # 13
Thanks everyone. I really do understand why she would want to bring someone- I wouldn’t want to go to a wedding where I didn’t know anyone alone either- I think it just bothered me that she didn’t even bring it up in conversation with anyone, she just wrote the new person on the RSVP. If she had called and explained the situation, even if she had called FI’s parents and not us, then I probably would have told her to bring someone else. We’re being pretty lax about letting people bring friend-dates anyway. It just bothered me that she assumed, and I thought it was really weird that they would want to take all these extra measures to get there when we were pretty much expecting them to be “no”s anyway.
Thanks for letting me vent 🙂
Post # 14
Yes, it’s annoying, but honestly, if you’ve budgeted for the seat why not let her bring him? She probably won’t know anyone else there, and she wanted to be there (probably as a representative for her husband since he works with your FI’s family) and didn’t want to be alone. You’re probably not even going to notice them.
Post # 15
That is stunning, and to be honest, it would bug me. I would let her do it, but it would bug me. Kinda like two strangers at your wedding? Yeah, not what you planned when you invited the husband.
Post # 16
You’re nicer than me because I think I might tell her that this new guest can’t come! That’s really rude of her to assume it’d be ok to add someone. And its super strange that she even still wants to attend. She should go solo, if at all. If you think you’ll end up being tight with numbers, and you can’t afford some randy, then I kinda feel like you or your Father should say something.