(Closed) RSVP waiting

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
1995 posts
Buzzing bee

I know it has to be frustrating at times because it is fun to get mail and fun to be able to move foward, but you’ve got to leave people alone until the RSVP deadline has passed.  For a lot of reasons (many of them work schedule related), a lot of people simply cannot firmly commit to a date that I presume is nearly three months away (your RSVP deadline isn’t for another two months and I presume your wedding is at least a month after that–forgive me if I’ve totally misjudged the timeline).  I would never assume that I was creating a logistical problem for a bride by waiting until closer to the deadline, when I would be more sure of my schedule, to send in my reply (unless I already knew I could NOT go, in which case I would reply ASAP) because I would assume that the RSVP deadline was set to give the couple time to work out all the logistics.  I think most people would make that assumption, so they wouldn’t dream that their choice to wait until the deadline might have any logistical consequences for you.  I don’t think they’re trying to be intentionally rude/hurtful to you.

Post # 3
1589 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Your RSVP date is may 30, am I reading that correctly?

Post # 4
2481 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

If you wanted replies before the 30th May then it would have been better to put an earlier RSVP date on the invitations! You can’t expect people to be assume that they need to reply any earlier than the date shown and actually, they may also other commitments to consider as well as your wedding. Personally I’d rather not rush people for an RSVP if they aren’t in a position to be 100% certain that they can attend.

Also, and with respect, you are not coming across as any sort of gracious host here if you you are being rude to your guests to get them to RSVP (nearly 6 weeks before the date you gave them to RSVP!) as well as running an A & B list. 

Post # 5
578 posts
Busy bee

Your RSVPs came in way sooner than mine! You’ve got over a month to go and already have the majority of RSVPs in – I think at least half of mine came the week of my deadline.

Post # 6
7271 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

I don’t understand why you didn’t make your RSVP date earlier if you needed numbers sooner. We don’t usually send ours in right away because we live fairly far away from the majority of our family and we’re trying to find flights/hotels for a certain price. Other people have other reasons– you put that date on there so people don’t feel the need to return it before then.

I hope you haven’t actually been rude to your guests about getting their RSVPs back when they aren’t even due for another six weeks…

Post # 7
4947 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014


elizabeth.bourke:   The people who have not yet responded may have very good reasons – uncertainty as to other plans in their busy lives, perhaps.   Since your RSVP deadline is May 30 I don’t see a reason for you to worry yet at all.  

When is your wedding date?  

Your caterer won’t need a head count until about a week before the reception, and the other plans won’t change that much for 15 guests more or 15 guests fewer, will they?


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