Post # 1
This is really similar to some other posts but I didn’t find one with my answer…so.
Daughter is getting married next month and rsvps are arriving fast and furious. She was very specific about her guest list because of our tight budget. We still have 300 for the wedding and 200 for the reception invited. Anyhoo… I’m seeing these come in and people put one name and then 2 attending, and I’m wondering if this is the spouse or an univited plus one? I don’t know most of these folks.
So if it is a wedding crasher, then do we mention it? How do you go up to a friend at church and say, “I know you said you were bringing someone to the wedding, but we just don’t have room”? How rude to put a bride in that position, as if she doesn’t have enough stress! Maybe the invitee just didn’t know it was wrong to invite someone who is not on the envelope, but it still gives the mother of the bride a pain in the nether regions. If she already told them no guest then she’ll uninvite the plus one just on priniciple.
I guess we will wait and see if there are enough declines to accomodate the hangers on, but even having to go through all the cards and see who has invited someone not on the list is something we’d rather not make time for.
What do you think?
Post # 3
You can gently explain to the offending party(ies) that weddings are expensive and sadly, B&G are not able to accomodate their plus-one. That usually does the trick…GL.
EDIT: HOWEVER, if the “uninvited” plus-one is someone who should have been invited (etiquette dictates that live-in partners, engaged couples, and married spouses must be invited together), I’d let it go.
Post # 4
First off, I saw a response of yours on another thread and I have to say I’m concerned about your invite structure. It’s really not OK to invite people to the ceremony and then not invite everyone to the reception. People will see and hear others talking about the reception afterward and it will be extremely awkward. Feelings will be hurt and people will be upset. I would be incredibly offended if I was invited to a ceremony and not to a reception. And you can’t really use the excuse that it’s “intimate” since there are going to be 200 people there. I strongly encourage you to reconsider this plan so as not to upset your friends and family.
As far as the RSVP’s go, if people do not list the names of all individuals attending you’re going to have to call them to clarify. I know it’s a pain because I had to do a quite a bit of this for my own wedding and it wasn’t fun. But there’s really no way around it. If you invited “Mr and Mrs. John Smith” and the guest says anyone other than those two people are coming, you are well within your right to tell them you are sorry but you can not accomodate uninvited guests. If the invitation is addressed to “Mr. John Smith and Guest” then John can bring anyone he likes as his guest.. even if he is married and he’s choosing not to bring his wife.
I know it stinks to make all those calls but it will be worth it when you have piece of mind on the day of the wedding to know how many people are coming and who they are.
Post # 5
I think that you (as the MOB) and/or the Maid/Matron of Honor contact the people and politely mention that while the invitation was extended to one person (or 2 people, etc.), the RSVP card came back with an additional guest and you are unable to accommodate extras at this time. Let them know that you have noted their request to bring that person and that IF you have regrets and can accommodate them, you’ll let them know. Personally, upon contacting them, I would also confirm that they still plan to attend if their guest cannot, because otherwise you might end up with people who have RSVP’d “yes” but will not show up.
Post # 6
Explain the circumstances in passing to each of those people. Bride should know if her attendees are married or not and invite accordingly. Or ASK to prevent this situation before sending out the invites. You can’t really take it back if they ask to bring the other person, just tell them you’ve reserved only one seat and they can change their RSVP if they can’t spend the night without spouse.
Post # 7
We originally planned to invite everyone to the reception, but after months of looking, could not find ONE place to accomodate all of them for less than a fortune (the zoo, the art museum, the performing arts center, a Disney resort) just for the hall, even standing. We had originally planned on having a simpler party because the bride and groom wanted more attendees, and that was reasonable, but not possible. Most of their friends go to the same large church, and it seemed silly to not invite them to the wedding because we couldn’t squeeze them into the reception (groom has a large family). At the end of the day, after polling a few friends, they found that people understood and would much rather at least be able to attend the wedding, than nothing at all. If we end up with a good number of declines, then the understanding friends will certainly be given reception invitations.
By The Way – no spouses or fiances of invitees or family members of the b+g were excluded.
Post # 8
No judgement here – just a warning….
I bet a lot of the people who you didn’t invite to the reception don’t realize this, and will ask other people at the ceremony “where is the reception?” and then follow the caravan of cars as they go there.
Be prepared for awkwardness when they show up and there’s no place for them.
Post # 9
I’m really not that concerned about a couple hangers-on. I just don’t want a bunch of people assuming… I think that there will be room for a few and we’re having a buffet. We are only having reserved seating for family and a few out of town guests, There should be some open seating somewhere. We’ll leave some slush room after the declines come in and not fill every single seat, I guess. Good thought.
Post # 10
Right, but at the same time, just be careful because you could potentially have all 100 ceremony-only people come to the reception because they were unaware that they were not invited. It could go over really well and you won’t have that problem, or it could be awkward if they don’t know.