(Closed) rsvp wedding crashers

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
2588 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

You can gently explain to the offending party(ies) that weddings are expensive and sadly, B&G are not able to accomodate their plus-one. That usually does the trick…GL.

EDIT: HOWEVER, if the “uninvited” plus-one is someone who should have been invited (etiquette dictates that live-in partners, engaged couples, and married spouses must be invited together), I’d let it go.

Post # 4
1927 posts
Buzzing bee

First off, I saw a response of yours on another thread and I have to say I’m concerned about your invite structure.  It’s really not OK to invite people to the ceremony and then not invite everyone to the reception.  People will see and hear others talking about the reception afterward and it will be extremely awkward. Feelings will be hurt and people will be upset.  I would be incredibly offended if I was invited to a ceremony and not to a reception.  And you can’t really use the excuse that it’s “intimate” since there are going to be 200 people there. I strongly encourage you to reconsider this plan so as not to upset your friends and family.

As far as the RSVP’s go, if people do not list the names of all individuals attending you’re going to have to call them to clarify.  I know it’s a pain because I had to do a quite a bit of this for my own wedding and it wasn’t fun.  But there’s really no way around it.  If you invited “Mr and Mrs. John Smith” and the guest says anyone other than those two people are coming, you are well within your right to tell them you are sorry but you can not accomodate uninvited guests.  If the invitation is addressed to “Mr. John Smith and Guest” then John can bring anyone he likes as his guest.. even if he is married and he’s choosing not to bring his wife.

I know it stinks to make all those calls but it will be worth it when you have piece of mind on the day of the wedding to know how many people are coming and who they are.


Post # 5
468 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I think that you (as the MOB) and/or the Maid/Matron of Honor contact the people and politely mention that while the invitation was extended to one person (or 2 people, etc.), the RSVP card came back with an additional guest and you are unable to accommodate extras at this time. Let them know that you have noted their request to bring that person and that IF you have regrets and can accommodate them, you’ll let them know. Personally, upon contacting them, I would also confirm that they still plan to attend if their guest cannot, because otherwise you might end up with people who have RSVP’d “yes” but will not show up.

Good luck!

Post # 6
159 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

Explain the circumstances in passing to each of those people.  Bride should know if her attendees are married or not and invite accordingly.  Or ASK to prevent this situation before sending out the invites.  You can’t really take it back if they ask to bring the other person, just tell them you’ve reserved only one seat and they can change their RSVP if they can’t spend the night without spouse.

Post # 8
21 posts
  • Wedding: June 2017

No judgement here – just a warning….

I bet a lot of the people who you didn’t invite to the reception don’t realize this, and will ask other people at the ceremony “where is the reception?” and then follow the caravan of cars as they go there.

Be prepared for awkwardness when they show up and there’s no place for them.


Post # 10
2496 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

Right, but at the same time, just be careful because you could potentially have all 100 ceremony-only people come to the reception because they were unaware that they were not invited.  It could go over really well and you won’t have that problem, or it could be awkward if they don’t know.

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