(Closed) RSVP with +1 for destination wedding when guest was invited solo

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
6741 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

@Kikibo:  Eek, what a sticky situation.  I totally feel you because I also want a Destination Wedding with a guest list of about 35 people.  However, I think it’s a little different when you’re asking someone to come to a wedding where they will be at a location far from home and friends for several days.  You can’t really tell this person that they can’t bring their gf on vacation with them.  What you can say is that the girl isn’t invited to the ceremony or reception. 

Post # 4
Member
5001 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

Yeah, people who didn’t get a +1 might be pissed when they see him there with his new girlfriend (assuming they know she’s new??). I don’t think you’re out of line since you guys had a set rule. Can you just talk to FI’s friend and ask him if he can pay for his gf?

Post # 5
Member
845 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I would not go to a destination wedding solo. What exactly are you paying for?  Just the reception dinner?  Or the whole trip?

Post # 6
Member
9053 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

i think if someone’s spending their time and money travelling to your destination wedding the least you can do is extend them the option to bring someone.  Nobody wants to travel alone.  In fact if I was invited to a destination wedding solo, I would be declining in general. 

This might not suit your ideal image of your wedding, but likely whatever place you picked doesn’t suit his ideal vision of a vacation either.

I think you can certainly tell him not to bring her to the wedding, but be prepared for him to decide against joining you.

Post # 7
Member
396 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I’d be upset if a stranger took the spot of a close friend at my wedding.  You can’t stop the friend from bringing his girlfriend to the destination, but you can ask that the girflfriend not attend the wedding festivities since they’re for invited guests only.  It seems like your fiance is the one backing out of your original agreement on the guest list.  Have you reminded him that you both agreed on this limited list?  He needs to talk to his friend and make sure that he understands that his girlfriend, unfortunately, isn’t invited due to the intimate nature of the event and space restrictions – or something like that.

Post # 9
Member
9053 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

That’s impressive that you have so many friends saying they’re willing to travel, but I’ve seen lots of times around here that when you first say “we’re getting married in Mexico (or whatever destination)!” everyone’s really excited to your face, but when it comes down to actually making plans and spending the money…  Hope that’s not the case here, but in the case of the destination wedding we attended last year, the bride thought she was going to have over 100 people that said they were excited to come, and at the end of the day they had 19… including the grooms brother bringing 4 buddies from work that they’d never met. 

Post # 10
Member
1853 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

If your invites have not gone out yet, you will still have room. Trust us when we say destination weddings have a high decline rate. You’re not going to go over. 

Post # 11
Member
403 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Has this person said that his guest is going to attend the wedding? perphaps she is jsut along for the trip and will be ding her own thing the day of the wedding?

Post # 12
Member
7901 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

@Nel13:  I was wondering the same thing.

Post # 13
Member
3300 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I just wanted to say that I COMPLETELY understand where you’re coming from. Not only from a cost standpoint, but it just feels wrong that in an intimate group of 40 or so people (from which you no doubt had to exclude certain people you would otherwise have loved to invite) you have to share the day withe someone you’ve never met. For me, if one of my friends did that, it would awfully embarrassing for all parties because extras cannot and will not be admitted to the facility. If this guy is a friend, I see nothing wrong with casually mentioning that you notice he booked his room and you’re excited that he’s coming but you noticed he seems to be bringing someone. Assure him that he and his friend will have a great time. I’d say “As you know the ceremony and reception are private so we unfortunately won’t be able to accommodate your friend, but I’d be glad to help recommend some fun things she can do while you’re at the wedding.” He may not even realize the significance of having been invited without a plus one. You know guys…

I know that may not be the most etiquette-conscious way to approach it, but I am always willing to set etiquette aside in favor of having the wedding I want. I don’t think you should be forced to have a stranger at your wedding just because your Fiance is reluctant to put his foot down with his friend. If you’re pissed, I’d hope you calm down before having this conversation, but it doesn’t have to be hostile at all.

If he protests, remind him that you’ve toiled long and hard over the guest list and it simply wouldn’t be fair to permit him to bring a date when no one else can AND because you had to bump your fave cousin and your college roommate you couldn’t possibly see allowing someone who doesn’t even know you. that may mean that he chooses not to come, but that’s the risk you took by having a Destination Wedding. Hope everything works out!

Post # 14
Member
403 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@mrsSonthebeach:  I have been invited to be a plus one to a small destination wedding. I had never met the couple before so I felt awkward. I was happily prepared to spend the day laying on the beach alone . Ended up the couple getting married were with fine me attending  🙂

Post # 15
Member
771 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@bluebelle23:  Agreed.  OP – I think you need to let this slide.

Post # 16
Member
4046 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Hmm maybe they are making a longer vacation out of the Destination Wedding. Are you sure she is planning on attending the wedding? Maybe she is going along but going to the spa or something while the wedding is taking place, then she and the invited guest will continue vacation plans.

The topic ‘RSVP with +1 for destination wedding when guest was invited solo’ is closed to new replies.

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