- 5 years ago
So, I’m in a bit of a pickle. One of my oldest friends is getting married and asked me to be a reader at her wedding, which is a very long (~14 hour) drive away. 95% of her friends and family live within a 1.5 hour drive of where she lives, but her fiance said they should get married somewhere special, so they’re having a Destination Wedding of sorts. Not a local wedding, anyway!
At first, I was upset that she didn’t choose me to be a bridesmaid, because she had chosen our other mutual friend (the three of us used to be very tight), but I’ve gotten over that after a couple of months of thinking. It makes sense to me now that I wasn’t chosen, because we haven’t been very close in the past few years, and honestly, some of our interactions have been downright awkward.
In those past few years it’s felt like my friend has changed a bit. For instance, she told her mother that she OK for now with the diamond for her engagement ring, which is a family heirloom, but would be upgrading it later. Her mom told her she couldn’t have it if she was going to upgrade it, (hello, heirloom!) and once the rock was appraised, and it turned out to be pretty valuable, she said it was OK. Hearing that made me a little sick inside. This was not what I thought my friend was like. 🙁
In any case, she asked for my RSVP via text, called me a “biatch” for not returning it (this was 2 1/2 months before the wedding and she hadn’t included an RSVP date on the invite). I had planned on returning it that week or the next, but popped it in the mail right away.
I sew, and she also asked, “If you have time” if I would make a wedding-related dress for her. Barely a please. I typically don’t sew for other people unless it is a gift and I want to (AKA it’s my idea), because I get really stressed out about it turning out right (for obvious reasons). When I sew for myself, I don’t have to worry about that. I agreed, because I’m bad at saying no, and when we met to talk about the dress I casually asked if she’d had to contact anyone else about their RSVP and she said “No, you were the only one I had to hunt down.” Umm, what? Screw you! I’m going to spend HOURS making a custom dress for you and you have the nerve to say that, when it’s not even true?
Basically, it comes down to this: I don’t want to hurt this friend, but I don’t feel very close to her now and am beginning to resent how she doesn’t seem to appreciate her friends and family traveling basically halfway across the country for her. (she told me she was also having a reception at home, and basically called people who wouldn’t travel for her losers!) I already RSVPed yes, but the wedding is still about two months off.
I feel like an asshole for thinking of reneging, but the thought of attending her wedding is no longer a happy event that I am looking forward to attending…it’s feeling more like an obligation. I get VERY LITTLE vacation time from my job, and am starting to resent committing to using more than half of it for this occasion. However, I know telling her now I won’t be there could easily mean the end of our friendship.
My SO has been very supportive and says he will go with whatever I decide. However, everyone else I’ve told about my friend and her wedding have told me not to go, including my sister, who has told me she will think I’m kind of stupid if I do go.
What would you do?