(Closed) RSVPed yes to the reception, but not coming to the ceremony?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
2859 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011 - Bartram's Garden

I personally don’t think it’s that big a deal. Most people with full-time jobs get to take personal days and vacation time, but when you’re a makeup artist, you don’t get paid for the time you take off. She obviously needs the money from the other wedding but she also obviously wants to be there to celebrate the day with you as much as she can. What’s wrong with that?

Post # 4
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

I can see why you’d be upset. But I am confused – were you going to pay her to do your makeup on your wedding day? If so, she never should have taken the other job. If not, I can understand why she would take it (sounds like you do too). But at the end of the day, she’s still invited to your wedding, right? You weren’t only inviting her b/c she was doing your makeup. So if she can only make the reception then it shoudln’t bother you.

Post # 5
Member
562 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

It may be a regional thing, but this happens or has happened a lot in weddings I’ve been to where not everyone comes to the ceremony and shows up for the reception. In fact, I’m definitely not expecting all of our guests to attend both the ceremony and reception and I personally won’t be upset – but i do see your point because really you are inviting them to celebrate your marriage (which is the ceremony) and not just to the party.  Sorry – don’t really have advice on how to handle it

Post # 6
Member
134 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Will she know other people there?  I wouldn’t be bothered that she wasn’t attending the ceremony but I would have a problem with her bringing some random guy that she just started dating.  Unless of course she won’t know many people at the wedding.  Numbers are a big stressor for me.

Post # 7
Bee
2362 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - New York Botanical Garden

Actually, I don’t think I would mind.  We have several people who are coming to only one part or another (and it’s all back to back) and I’m happy as long as they are there for any part of it!  But that’s just my opinion.

Post # 8
Member
1580 posts
Bumble bee

I also think it is rude to attend the reception without attending the ceremony. To me, the ceremony is the most important part and the reception is just a party to celebrate afterwards. I can see why you’re upset, but in the end there’s nothing you can really do about it. It’s not worth getting in a fight about. I’d allow her to come to just the reception and not say anything to her about it.

Post # 10
Member
1246 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

we are having a long ceremony and i am not expecting everyone to come to the ceremony and there are som that just cant because of work or school or whatever, and im totally fine with it so dont stress about it! people have more importnat obligations than your wedding!

Post # 11
Member
1315 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Let it go, doll. There will be so many other things to stress about, don’t let it bother you.

At least she is coming to one part of it. And sure you don’t know how her finances are, perhaps her circumstances are so tight she has to take the other job, but she’d still like to be at your wedding so this is maybe the best of bad options?

Post # 12
Member
1315 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Just read your reply there. Absolutely check the timing with her.

Post # 13
Member
2476 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Fiance and I are guilty of attending only the receptions of some weddings… mostly due to work or school conflicts, but sometimes it’s due to the dreaded 2+ hour gap in between the ceremony and reception.  I really can’t handle a 2+ hour gap, so we usually opt our of attending the ceremony in those cases. 

Post # 14
Member
1556 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I agree with HunnyBear that it might be a regional thing.  I had a lot of people show up at my reception (at my first wedding) that didn’t come to the ceremony.  When I asked my mother why, she said some people (and it was mostly older people) feel that the ceremony is very personal and religious and is an intimate event mostly meant for family.  They then come for the reception to help celebrate.  The way my mom explained it, they almost feel like they are intruding at the ceremony.

I’m not saying I agree…but I know there are those who see it that way.

Post # 15
Member
1426 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I know it sucks, but she’s probably thinking that you would want have her there for part of the day rather than not at all.  I would just try to be happy that she can be there at all.

The topic ‘RSVPed yes to the reception, but not coming to the ceremony?’ is closed to new replies.

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