(Closed) RSVPs

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
735 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

If people don’t respond to your invitation by the date requested you follow up with them.  You need a head count – and in your case, a meal selection.  Your options for methods are… perhaps not the best. 😉

1. Is it rude to mention it to someone who RSVPs via text/email/in person?

“Hey, you know that pre-stamed envelope in there with a little card that fits perfectly in it? STICK IT IN THE MAIL.”

Yup, this comment would likely offend most people.  That makes it rude.  If people have replied to your invitation, you know their intent.  This is true whether they called you, emailed you, texted you, sent back your card – or were incredibly proper and wrote their own note on their white stationary and let you know whether they are please to accept, or regret to decline your kind invitation.

2. How do you remind people that it’s past your RSVP deadline, but you need to know if they’re coming?

“Hey, remember that time I invited you to our wedding? Erm…are you coming or…?”

If somebody told you whether or not they’d attend face-to-face, and you were incredibly busy and didn’t write down the reply (Oops!) or if cousin Fred lost his invitation and forgot to reply, you should contact these people and ask their intentions.  Phone calls seem to yeild the best results, but if you typically text your brother anytime you need to talk to him, and he hasn’t replied 4 days after your deadline, text him – he’s more likely to answer a text!

I phrased my inquiries something like this: “Hi Aunt Mildred, How are you?  I’m getting ready to tell the wedding caterer how many meals to prepare, and I realized that I haven’t heard back from you.  Will you be able to join us on the 27th?  Yes? Wonderful!  We’re serving baked chicken and grilled salmon, which would you prefer? The fish? Oh, good.  Thank you!  We’re looking forward to seeing you in a week.”  – Of course, if Aunt Mildred cant attend, instead you tell her “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that.  You’ll be missed.”

3. Can you post a reminder on Facebook? (We created a super secret “wedding invitees” list, so the whole world will not be able to see it.)

“Hey everyone! Will you please send us your RSVP cards? Like…yesterday?”

Mixing weddings and facebook is shaky ground.  While the “super secret wedding invitees list” is a good way to prevent you from advertising your party to folks who aren’t invited – it still leaves room for “I didn’t see your reminder! I haven’t logged in to facebook in 5 weeks!”

And your tongue-in-cheek (I hope!) request to send the cards “like.. yesterday” probably won’t spur many folks to reply.  I would be more likely to respond to a reminder that’s worded more generally… “We’re excited to see RSVPs rolling in.  Just a few days left before we need to tell our caterer how many people she’s cooking for!”

I’d follow up with any “delinquent RSVPers” personally.  You’re less likely to upset the people who HAVE replied – “Hey everyone!” implies that NOBODY was polite enough to reply to your invitation.  And that could make your prompt guests feel like they aren’t important.  – The facebook reminder could also result in a lot of RSVPs via wall posts!

 

Post # 4
Member
701 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

My opinions:

1. Is it rude to mention it to someone who RSVPs via text/email/in person?

“Hey, you know that pre-stamed envelope in there with a little card that fits perfectly in it? STICK IT IN THE MAIL.”

VERY RUDE.

2. How do you remind people that it’s past your RSVP deadline, but you need to know if they’re coming?

“Hey, remember that time I invited you to our wedding? Erm…are you coming or…?”

Just call/text/FB and POLITELY find out if they are coming.

3. Can you post a reminder on Facebook? (We created a super secret “wedding invitees” list, so the whole world will not be able to see it.)

“Hey everyone! Will you please send us your RSVP cards? Like…yesterday?”

YES THIS IS RUDE! Contact them individually to find out their situation. A lot can happen between when the mailman delivers the mail and when the RSVP deadline is. People don’t sit by and wait for the mail. In fact I let mine sit for weeks on end sometimes without checking it. Also people have kids, pets, whatever and the RSVP card can be lost. Just politely find out if they are coming or not. Most of them will apologize profusely for not sending in the card. You will likely not get every card back.

Post # 5
Member
8392 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

We just called or sent a message on FB to the people who did not return their RSVPs.

Post # 7
Member
2712 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

1.  I don’t know if this is rude per say, but I would find it annoying and think you were being anal.  People RSVP in all sorts of ways and they don’t have to mail in the RSVP card.  Some people may have even lost them.  If they already told you that they are coming and what they want I don’t see why you need to have the RSVP card. 

2.  If your deadline has passed, then it’s perfectly acceptable to contact people who have not RSVP’ed.  A phone call is usually the best way, but you can also send a private FB message, text, Im, email, etc.  Just tell them you’re rounding up all the RSVPs so you can get a number for your caterer and wondering if they will be able to make the wedding and if so, what they would like to eat.

3.  I would not post a FB message – even if it’s to your super secret guest list.  It’s not that I think it’s rude, I just doubt it would be effective. As PP said, many people could miss it or just simply not check FB for a while.  Or see it, but still forget to send in the RSVP.  I definitely go weeks without checking it, my Fiance goes for months.  I could also imagine a situation where someone sees the message while at work or just browsing FB while away from home, remembering that the still need to send it in, then forgetting as soon as they got home.  Conctacting guests individually is definitely the way to go.

Good luck!

Post # 8
Member
263 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I think it’s impt to remember that while your wedding is YOUR big day and #1 priority, it’s #35 on everyone else’s priority list. so yes, people will need a personal invitation to respond to your invitaiton (to which you treat them to a large fancy dinner). 

Post # 9
Member
10453 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2014

I think any of those are fine. They are the rude ones for not responding on time!!

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