(Closed) RSVPs are coming in- and the important ones say “no” :(

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
200 posts
Helper bee

We’re in a really similar situation. We’re both academics and our friends live all over the country (and in Australia, where I grew up). We decided to have our wedding in Walla Walla WA (about 5 hours from Seattle) and it is just inconvenient and expensive to travel to. Lots of our favorite people (mostly from the east coast) are unable to make the trip. (And none from Australia. Even my grandpa is unable to make the trip, for insurance reasons.) We kind of expected this when we decided on Walla Walla rather than Portland or Seattle, but it is still disappointing and slightly hurtful (though I know I shouldn’t take it that way). We’ve used the opportunity to invite more local friends than we had originally planned on to fill out the guest list and to feel surrounded by friends and loved ones.

It’s hard though and I’m struggling with it too. Good luck to you. Do try to think about people you’ve met locally who might be honored to be invited to your wedding. 

 

Post # 4
Member
1246 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

We invited 180 people and only had 90 come for similar reasons. : ( I’m sure that they’re sad they can’t make it, too. Just know you’re not alone — a lot of guest lists are especially small lately due to the economy…

Post # 5
Member
2271 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Well what can you do? I am sad to say that if I was invited to a wedding across the country, I wouldn’t go either.  You invited the important people in your life, so they can’t feel slighted, but you have to realize that asking people to travel that far, especially when people have other plans is asking a lot. Acknowledge your feelings and then focus on what’s really important – marrying your beloved.

Post # 6
Member
231 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

I’m sorry! I know that’s really hard.  I’m not expecting my Grandmother to come from Canada for similar reasons.  

Maybe you could take a trip to NYC after the wedding and have a small dinner reception with those friends who couldn’t come?  It sounds like there’s only a few people – so you don’t need a whole big thing, but maybe just a night out on the town or something.  It seems that you’re mostly disappointed with not being able to share your celebration with them – so maybe the post-reception will accomplish that?

Good luck, and feel better — the best part of weddings it that you get to marry your bestest friend and the father of your baby! 🙂  CONGRATS! 

Post # 7
Member
1018 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

Woah…. I never thought about this happening… We are getting married in the city we both live in, and have family and friends all over the place. I hadn’t considered that the economy might prevent some of those closest to us from coming 🙁

Post # 8
Member
1266 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I am so sorry that this is happening. Don’t fret, there will still be wonderful people who ARE coming to share your special day with you because they love you!

Post # 9
Member
2819 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

*HUGS* I’m sorry that you’re hurting, and that the people that you love can’t come to your wedding. But I would caution you about making broad assumptions about the financial states of other people. Sure, your one friend might not spend much…she might also not have a lot to spend, especially after making a big purchase (the Jeep). And the friend going on the mission trip might have had other reasons for not delaying it.

Post # 10
Member
188 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

We’re in the same boat… My Fiance and I are both military and just moved to DC in December… all our friends live in Cali.  It’s really sad to see that our count has gone from 130 to about 50… yes, we expected it to be about half but this is getting really sad 🙁

Post # 11
Member
1573 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

sorry to hear that

very hard when you move to a place; we can trade rsvps

all mine 99% are yes’s even my far-flunf aunt from half way across the world; all my local NYc firends immediate family, lifelong friends and best friends

 

ill trade my yes’s for your no’s, wouldnt mind saving money

 

they said there’s a 10% no rsvp rate; where are they? well, guess I should feel happy we are loved

 

dont feel bad, its always hard when its faraway friends; family will be on that plane ina  heartbeat

Post # 12
Member
2856 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Unfortunately, things like this are going to happen. My friend had already sent an RSVP of yes and recently sent me a letter stating that him and his partner are having a hard time with the economy and him being unemployed that he may have to change his response. I totally understand which is what I wrote to him. I told him I know that things are tough but the seats are still there for them if they wanted to get away from all the stress of life. I am hoping he chooses to come because he is only about a half hour drive from the wedding so no extreme traveling is involved.

Post # 13
Member
3331 posts
Sugar bee

I’m so sorry this is happening.  It must be really upsetting to see that your friends can’t make it to celebrate the wedding.  I have heard that the economy is forcing people to travel less often, even for special occasions.  I know we had a couple of friends who couldn’t make it from Out of Town and I was really disappointed.

Post # 14
Member
7 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Yes us too. I am from Seattle but live in CO now (moved here to be with FI). Except for my immediate family (think parents and brother) NO ONE from Seattle is coming. I thought at least a FEW would come. And they all knew in advance! All of my college friends that said they wouldn’t "miss it for anything" aren’t coming. Even my own grandfather isn’t able to come because of health problems that keep him from travelling. 

 I don’t know whether to be mad or sad or both. 

 

We are still marrying the men that we love, and that is the important part, righ?

Post # 15
Member
1944 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

You know I talked to Mother-In-Law about this earlier after being peeved a bit about a previous post where people think its a cop out so to speak that people dont go to a wedding based on finances. I get so irked by that and might of come off mean but stating my point. She has been married 25+ years and has the same mind set I do. What really mattered on my wedding day was my Fiance and I only. Yes it was wonderful to have the love and support of family and friends, but honestly she said that she can’t even remember every single person at her wedding that day. Heck, she does not even talk to one of her Bridesmaid or Best Man anymore and has not for years. I can’t remember cetain things people said to me that day and mind you it was 2 weeks ago, all I can remember is how I felt looking at him, him staring at me reading his vows and the feeling of pure, unconditional love and happiness. That is all that matters with a wedding, not the guests, the flowers, the cost, the dress so on and so on. If you stress about who is coming and who is not, I am afraid you will lose out on something that day. It is not worth it and I know it hurts now, but acknowledge the feeling and let it pass. You will see it truly does not matter. Good luck!

Post # 16
Member
55 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Hi seinahpets,

I just felt compelled to email you and tell you how sorry I am for you and how much I understand how you feel.  My fiance and I are in the same boat and it’s very frustrating and hurtful.  We were planning on having a small wedding of about 30 or so and figured that not everyone invited would make it.  We initially contacted most everyone by phone or email to find out if we should try to pull this off yet this year.  Most everyone said that they would make it and we even gave 3 dates as choices so that we could decide on the date that was most convenient to people.  Once we started to actually make this happen and the planning was "official" we started to hear through the grapevine that people who indicated that they were coming, really weren’t coming.  So, we started confirming ourselves and yes, they’re not coming afterall. Some of them actually have had the nerve to not return numerous phone calls or emails!  I just think that it’s so unbelievably rude. I’m just so disappointed in people for not making the effort and even over and above that, for saying yes when they really weren’t planning on coming in the first place.  Our plans may have been different had we known that to be the case (we had seriously considered eloping).  Now, we have a destination wedding planned (we chose that because everyone lives all over and would have to travel regardless of where it was) that I’m frantically trying to finish planning in 7 weeks and as of now, am only "pretty sure" that only about 10 people are coming to.  My own grandfather isn’t even going to go because he doesn’t want to travel.  The worst part is, I’ve always been there for my friends……showers, weddings, babies, houses….everything.  I am so hurt and disappointed that these same people don’t have a problem not participating in my life now that it’s my turn.  By the way, I bought my first house 5-1/2 years ago, which is now an "almost now" fully restored historic home, and NOT ONE of my friends has bothered to come and see it.  When they got their first houses, I flew to different states to share in their joy and to see theirs.  I just see how most all of them have been one sided.

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