(Closed) RSVP's coming back and guests inviting friends!!!!

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 18
Member
1364 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I’m just wondering.. Just trying tI play devils advocate.

Before the planning process, did you sit down with both sets of parents and discuss money, logistics and guest list? This obviously isn’t mandatory, and your free to do what you like, but I can’t imagine not sitting down with both sets of parents and discussing these things (especially on a Italian wedding?).

Post # 19
Member
13951 posts
Honey Beekeeper

Fiance family might be interested to know  that according to etiquette, the ONLY obligatory +1s are for people who are married, engaged or living together as a couple.  Anyone  else is totally at the discretion of the host.

Post # 20
Member
7384 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

@FortiesFlare:  I can’t imagine not sitting down with both sets of parents and discussing these things.

Though we aren’t Italian, my Fiance and I didn’t discuss anything with his parents (and I don’t talk to my mother). It’s our wedding.

Post # 21
Member
1364 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@vorpalette:  Of course it’s your wedding, and any and all decisions are yours. But most parents (if they are in the picture) would appreciate being included.

Post # 22
Member
7384 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

@FortiesFlare:  We love his parents, but we didn’t really include them in any of our decisions–we saw no reason to. We’re the ones planning and paying (though we did get a little money from them). Future Mother-In-Law went dress shopping with me, and we took Future Father-In-Law and his wife to our reception venue after we booked it. We’ve spoken a little about some details (flowers, alcohol, outfits), but other than that, there’s no reason to do anything more. We’re not telling anyone else (bridal party, etc.) that stuff, either.

Post # 24
Member
1364 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@FutureArmyWife12:  No it doesn’t sound snippy at all, and honestly I wasn’t trying to suggest this was in any way your fault, I was just wondering if you talked with her beforehand (to avoid these problems), but you obviously did and you went way abound beyond what is considered “appropriate” IMO. Sorry you’re having such a hard time, it sounds like it must be very stressfull

Post # 25
Member
74 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Simply call up these guests and let them know that their invitation was only for one person. Hope they can still make it, looking forward to celebrating with them blah blah blah…

Post # 26
Member
31 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@FutureArmyWife12:  

I still don’t understand the custom here in US and Canada that guests can bring someone for the wedding. I’m from Japan and we don’t do that at all. We each get an invitation if both of us, such as husband and wife, are invited. I’ve never thought about bringing someone with me until I came to Canada!!!

Anyway…so I still can’t get used to this tradition or rule or whatever. We are doing small wedding so I also did not want to invite guests’ guests. Bus as soon as we start planning our wedding, my FI’s sisters just simply thought their boyfriends were also invited. This drove me really insane!!!! like HELLO??? i didnt even send you an invitation, so do not assume you are!!!! So i totally understand how you are feeling.

Eventually I let them to bring their boys as we are doing destination wedding and they need someone to hang out with…. but wasn’t my original preference. If your FI’s mom insists she needs more people, let her pay cancellation fee for the current venue and pay the difference for the new venue which has more capacity and of course their food. It is your wedding so don’t let someone take over the control!!

Post # 28
Member
182 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@FutureArmyWife12:  Most people can’t visualize more than thirty people I think. They think ‘oh sixty people should be more than enough for all the family and friends of mine’ But once you start adding all these people up… The list grows quickly!!!

My FPIL were exactly like this. Except we purposly went to a smaller venue. I think they forget about OUR friends and the fact that we don’t hang out with their friends. They live far enough away that they have never met any oh our friends ( and then therefore they don’t really exist). 

It’s really all just a big pain.

Post # 30
Member
144 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@badabing88:  amen to the they can throw their own party :))

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