(Closed) RSVP's for People Who Weren't Invited

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
2538 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

As good as it would feel to say “acutally… they didnt get an invite because they WEREN’T INVITED” … I would just send the invite and not say anything. If you can afford to accomodate them that is. 

Post # 3
Member
9439 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

My husband’s family pulled this crap and we let it slide and honestly I wish we hadn’t. The relatives who pushed thier way onto the guests list were so unpleasant. When we did table visits to thank them for coming they didn’t even speak to us they just ignored us, it was so fucking awkward.

It’s up to you of course but my guess is that they know they weren’t invited. Why RSVP for someone if you think they are getting their own invite? I would at the very least call them out in thier rudeness.

Post # 4
Member
2015 posts
Buzzing bee

I’d call and clear things up in as kind and gentle of a way as possible. It’s highly likely she thinks the whole group was invited and not just the 2 she put on the invite. I’d clear it up, lest you get 10 more text messages about Cousin Bob and Great-Aunt Susan not knowing why they and their 12 kids hadn’t received an invite yet.

A personal example: I didn’t invite my aunts and uncles to our wedding since we aren’t close and they hadn’t been a part of my life since I was a young child. I made an exception for my one uncle who, at the time invites went out, was essentially my dad’s caretaker. My dad died a few weeks before our wedding, and my uncle decided he could just replace my dad’s invite with his grandchildren at our adult only wedding. Didn’t rsvp, sent a text to my now DH 2 days before the wedding. I text him back to clarify that he was planning to bring two children I’d never met before, and he never responded. Those rugrats tried to cut into our cake before the reception started and on several occassions, acted out during major moments. Had I just called to clarify, we could have helped them get some child care and saved ourselves the hassle (and all the last minute children’s meals fees our venues tagged on).

Post # 5
Member
10286 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

Yeah I wouldn’t okay this unless you can and wish to okay the rest of the siblings. It’s going to get awkward. Correction: more awkward.

Post # 6
Member
1227 posts
Bumble bee

Honestly, for this particular situation I think your wording is totally appropriate. If it was just one guest (say, maybe one couple had one adult child they added), I think I’d just send the invitation. But it sounds like there’s a really huge possibility they think the entire extended family is invited. Good luck!

Post # 7
Member
741 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Id tell step Grammy that if she wants them there so badly to forfeit her invite. What a rude woman. Don’t give in, you’ll set a precedent for life that you’ll just take her shit. 

Post # 9
Member
268 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I’m dealing with this now. My aunt (who was essentially like my dad’s sister because they’re closer in age and grew up under the same roof) received an invitation for her and her only. She RSVP’d for herself and her daughter and granddaughter, neither of whom I have ever met. My parents have never even met the granddaughter and they haven’t seen the daughter in 15+ years. We’re paying by the plate for our reception, so we’re really not sure what to do. I think we might just let this one slide since she is family and grew up with my dad, but if it happens again, we might have to turn people down.

We’re not exactly having a “small” wedding – invited 250 people (even though we know that many won’t show up). But we only invited that many because we had so many “well we can’t invite X without inviting Y” situations with family members. And even inviting that many people, we’ve already gotten the whole “well we haven’t gotten our invitation yet” from several people. You just can’t win. Someone is going to get left out, whether intentionally or unintentionally. But if you have a budget, you have to be able to stick to it. I think you can stretch that budget (with reason) to accommodate certain people, but you can’t spend way over just so every single person who thinks they deserved an invitation can come. At a point, I think you just have to not worry about it. I know that sounds terrible, but if you try to accommodate every single person, you’re going to spend way more than your budget allows.

Didn’t mean to hop on my soapbox! Sorry, I just have strong opinions about this right now since it’s what I’m dealing with at the moment. Lol

Post # 10
Member
7229 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

That was an excellent response! Hopefully all goes smoothly and they won’t be inviting any others.

Post # 12
Member
2156 posts
Buzzing bee

View original reply
tmilligan10 :  i think you did well, and she took it well. clearly, it sounds like it was her husband who shot his mouth off, and she was left to clean up the mess. also sounds like he’ll get a stern talking to.

Post # 13
Member
779 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I can’t lie, I kind of laughed out loud at “I blame Grandpa.”

OP, you handled this really well! On one hand, it’s kind of flattering that so many people want to come. On the other, guests lists and budgets are there for a reason! 

Post # 14
Member
832 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

View original reply
tmilligan10 :  It sounds like you got this sorted out, but your Fiance really should be the one dealing with HIS family – why did he leave you to deal with that shit???  We had a hard and fast rule that I dealt with my family/friends and he dealt with his.  

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