(Closed) RSVP’S what is so difficult to understand.

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
937 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

OMG you shouldn’t be dreading your wedding… see this is why we’re running away from everyone.

I would be the same as you… upset that people can just think that they can invite whoever they want. I think if your mum isn’t going to call them for you, you probably should. If you don’t want someone at your wedding then you shouldn’t have to just “put up with” any old person coming”.

if your going to call them just say that you only have limited seating numbers and that the extra people are unable to come. I mean you don’t want to outright call them rude over the phone for doing this because then they might not come and then you might just end up with another issue on your hands.

I really hope for the best. *hugs* You should be excited about your wedding! I think family sometimes forgets that it’s YOUR day

Post # 4
1209 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

That is SO freaking crazy!! I cannot belive that they scratched out the # of seats reserved like that!! I mean seriously who does that!?!?! Furthermore, who is this mystery person that you don’t even know! It is beyond me why anyone would even want to come to a wedding if they do not know the bride and groom, especially if they were not invited in the first place! I would call them without a doubt!! I am sorry that you are going through this! It is completely uncalled for!! I am mad for you- maybe I should call! I can be the middleman! LOL!!!! =)

Post # 5
3871 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

OMG. I am so sorry that you have to deal with all of these “additional” guests. I would be so pissed and annoyed. 

So looks like your mom will not be telling them, so it looks like you will have to.  Tell them that because it is a small wedding that you had to unfortunately limit the number of guests you were inviting. 

When I sent out my invites to an adult only wedding, I was so afraid people were so how going to put their kids names down, so I was prepared on what to say to people who insisted their kids come.  Luckily, everyone on my list understood what adult only meant.

Oh, also, if they say anything about if you are willing to make an exception for them, tell them NO,  you need to be firm because that means you may make an exception for everyone else.  Tell them that you would feel bad for other people who you already told them no.


Good luck and I hope this gets figured out.

Post # 6
8353 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

That is just so wrong. I would be extremely upset too. I don’t understand why your mom won’t call them for you, unless she is afraid of causing drama. If I were you, I would call them; however, that being said, I would also be afraid to call and just leave it be.

Post # 7
2767 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

people do this shit all the time.  honestly, 3 days before my wedding people called to ask me if they could bring a date.  there comes a point when you just have to give up, suck it all in, and put up with this crap.  since your wedding is close, maybe now is that time for you.  Think about it this way – about 3 extra people may be coming now, are you really going to be running into these 3 extra people that much on your wedding day?  You might see them once and say hello, but I doubt they will bother you much more than that.  I wouldn’t start family drama by telling people they can’t bring them.  It’s too late in the game and you have better things to deal with than get all stressed out.  Just suck it up and pay the extra $200 for these 3 extra people, or whatever it costs.

It sucks, but it’s what I did in the end.  And when it was all over it didn’t really matter that much.

Post # 8
1740 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

i think you should call these people up and explained them that you have limited seating… and if they dont like it well best for you they can just stay home…

Post # 9
1148 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

I’d honestly call and give them the what-for. It’s not your (or your mom’s) responsibility to pay for people not understanding that there is a reason that other people weren’t invited. Although you may have to just allow the uncle’s gf to show up so as to not create drama. If she looks out of place at your wedding, it won’t reflect badly on you, just on her and your uncle.

Post # 10
5823 posts
Bee Keeper

You DEFINITELY have the right to tell them that THEY don’t get to make the rules.  Type out a script that you will use when you call these people.  It will be easier to keep from getting emotional.  Use that script, and STICK to it, like a telemarketer does.  Call your mom’s best friend and explain to her that you have already done the seating and you do not have room for her two extra guests.  Ask her if she would consider coming without the guests.  She will give some long drawn out answer, to which you must get her to say “yes, I will still be there” or “no I will not be coming.”  When you get down to it, that is what she SHOULD have done in the first place.  Be firm.  Explain that it is NOT about the cost of the extra guests, it is about space, and you do not have it.  It’s hard to argue that point.  If she insists, let her know that there will not be a seat reserved for her guests, there will be no food provided for them, and you will not change the seating to accomodate them.  If they show up uninvited, they will be standing and hungry.

Repeat this process for her other best friend.

It sounds to me like your mom told them that would be ok.  You may want to talk to your mom again and let her know that you will not be welcoming the extra guests, and you’re not going to budge on this issue.  Tell her you won’t order the extra food from the caterer (make sure the caterer knows, don’t let your mom call them behind your back).

For your uncle, repeat the process, only give the real reason.  Tell him you don’t like his girlfriend and you don’t want her at your wedding.  If YOU don’t want to start that drama, it isn’t fair to ask your mom to do it.  If you’re fine with that, then let him know.

For the record, this happened at my wedding, sort of.  His uncle RSVPed ONLY for himself, then showed up with a girlfriend and her daughter (16!!).  When you only have 30 guests, it’s kind of obvious when someone uninvited shows up.  They ended up sitting at separate tables without chargers, a menu, a program, or favors (and obviously no placecard).  No one had any idea who they were, and that damn 16 year old stood IN FRONT of the FOG for pics and ruined them.  I’m still pissed.  Better to talk to them now.  They either show, or they don’t, but at least you’ll be ready for it so you aren’t so mad on your wedding day.

Post # 11
972 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Sorry you are going through this, I cant imagine.  Im waiting for my RSVPs to come in now and I really hope I dont have to go through that rude crap.  If it does happen I will definetaly call my guests and let them know that my venue is at max capacity

Post # 12
11325 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

Okay I have two comments…

First: No, it is not okay for people to scratch off the number you have written and just write in however many people they want. That is totally rude. 

Second: Considering that these are adults… it MAY have been rude of you to only give them one seat. Who were the extras? I can’t see any reason for 3… but if the two women were married and wanted to bring their husbands I kind of think that they should have been given 2 seats. Regarding the girlfriend…. if they have been together for a while I think your uncle should’ve been given a plus 1 too. Unless the gf has actually harmed you in some way, of course. 

Post # 13
408 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I’m so sorrym it really sucks…and NO you are not over-reacting! We did the same on our rsvp postcard “we have reserved—seat(s) in your honor” yesterdy the FH gets a text from a friend asking if he should just write his name or add the girlfriend too?….I was like can he NOT read, it says 1 not 2…lol. We just started receiving rsvps and haven’t run into scratch outs, but I’m bracing myself. I agree with the others to call and calmly explain the space issue…..I understand +1s for married couples….and in your uncles case, theyre not married to you are no obligated to invite her….especially if you don’t like her….but you will have to be prepared for how it my affect your relationship with the uncle. Good luck!

Post # 14
235 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I think that you should call these rude guests and tell them that only so many seats were reserved for them, and you’re sorry but they cannot bring along guests of their own. Maybe in the big picture a few more people aren’t a huge deal, but you reserved that many seats for them for a reason, it’s your wedding, and you shouldn’t have a reason to be down about your wedding!

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