Post # 1
So our RSVP deadline has come and gone, and we still have nine responses outstanding. I’ve sent out some reminder emails, which picked up eleven of the 20 that were still MIA on the deadline. (We’re doing online RSVPs, so it’s literally just a matter of clicking—and we know the people who are left are a) perfectly computer literate and b) definitely checking those email addresses regularly.)
I’m wondering how much energy to put into chasing these last RSVPs down. Four are Out of Town families, so I think it’s a safe assumption that they’re not coming (and one we know for sure isn’t coming through the family grapevine, so we’ve already informally noted them as a no). The five local couples are a little iffier—maybe they’re still deciding? Who knows?
I can send out a second email reminder that’s a little more insistent, or I can hit the phones and start chasing people down individually, or I can just let it go. At what point should I just give up on this and move on to something more productive? We’re not doing a plated dinner or formal seating, so it’s not a big deal if we get a couple of extra people (though 10 extra people might be an issue for food quantity)—it’s mostly just the frustration of not knowing for sure.
Any thoughts on this? Thanks!
Post # 3
- Wedding: March 2010 - Ritz-Carlton, Half Moon Bay
that’s annoying when people don’t answer. that was a good strategy to send out the reminder email to get most of the rest of the responses. while you could probably safely assume that the 9 outstanding are a “no”, it’s a small enough number that you could get a direct answer from them on the phone (or a personal email instead of a group one) that will be worth you not have to worry about “oh my gosh but what if they come”. but that’s really not bad–there are always going to be a few people who don’t respond, so 9 is definitely okay!
Post # 4
phone them or have your mom or Mother-In-Law call to get an answer
Post # 5
Just me, but it would drive me nuts to not get every guest’s response. My situation is a bit different though… we’re having a plated dinner and we pay by the head. I had to know if each person was a YES or NO… it was annoying tracking down the stragglers, ugh!
Post # 6
Thanks—yes, part of me really wants to know just to mark them off the stupid spreadsheet (which calculates what percent of guests are still “status unknown,” and I just really want that to be zero!) But since we don’t have the plated dinner or table seating issue, it’s hard to prioritize tracking down everyone’s numbers to try to get hold of them. Can’t call in the moms on this except for one guest, unfortunately, since the rest are people they don’t know at all (most family guests happily RSVPed in a nice timely fashion).
So, we’ll see….but argh!
Post # 7
I would say give the five remaining couples a call. They might of looked over the email, I know I do that alot myself. If the couples do not give you a clear answer, I would not pay extra for those people to come. Even if you are not having a plated dinner or a formal seating, if you have a caterer they might charge you extra after the event and you don’t want that. You also shouldn’t have to have that extra stress when it is not needed.
For our wedding, my Fiance and I told our wedding planner that alot of our family are like this. They will not RSVP but they want to show up. I told her that if they are not on our guest list then they do not come in. I know it is harsh but if you take the time and energy to send out invites – online or via mail – then those guests should at least give you a yes or no.
Post # 8
If i didn’t hear back after the first call, I sent an email or called back and said something like “Hi! I haven’t gotten your RSVP yet, so I will mark you down as a no unless I hear back differently by Friday. Thanks!”
And there were 4 people we never heard from at all. Soooo rude. At least most people responded and let us know why they weren’t coming.
Post # 9
I promise I’ll never do it again, but I have been a straggler my entire life. I’m not sure if I have ever RSVPd on time and nearly every single time, I was planning on attending. I don’t think you realize how important it is until you participate in the wedding process yourself (either through someone else, or yourself).
I would have responded to your initial email, but I would give them at least one call. I like Vonnegurl’s idea to say “if I don’t hear from you by..”
Ah…confessed…feels better. (I bet karma’s gonna cause all of my RSVPs to be late!)
Post # 10
Thanks—I like the “I’ll assume no if I don’t hear from you by xx” option with the calls. I honestly figured the online RSVPs would be so painless for people to say “no” without feeling too bad about it that it wouldn’t be an issue. (And we did send out real invitations, too, so not an issue of anything getting lost there!)
It was funny to see how many people had just forgotten about it when I sent the first reminder, though (including several very embarrassed recent brides who thought their husbands had responded, and FI’s co-worker, who asked, “Umm, does the fact that I’m getting a reminder email mean I never RSVPed?”) And @sarahsd, yep, I was one of those last-minute RSVPers too (although I generally squeak under the deadline by a hair)—and I’m also going to be way more diligent about it in the future now that I know how frustrating it is, so I guess what goes around comes around! 😉
Post # 11
im in the same boat. my deadline was yesterday and im still waiting on 27 rsvp cards!