Post # 1
I need some advice on how to handle a bridesmaid who is my sister’s out-of-town childhood friend.
I (MOH) recently hosted a bridal shower for my sister. After the opening of the gifts, I presented her with a collection of recipes sent via email from her invitees. (On the shower invite, I requested that people email their favourite recipe). About an hour later, when we were all sitting in the living room, one of the bridesmaids (let’s call her Carrie), wanted to make sure that she had sent the right recipe, so she started looking at the binder, when my sister’s childhood friend (let’s call her Shelley) piped up and said in a snarky way: “I am feeling a little left out here- thanks for letting me know to send a recipe”. To which I quickly started apologizing for. For some reason I couldn’t remember (on the spot) that I had asked her- I was quite tired and stayed up ’til early morning getting everything ironed out for the next day. But then I remembered the invite and said: “No wait a minute, I did menion it on the invite”. At the same time, Carrie passed over the invite, that she had with her, to Shelley. Shelley’s response: “Well its way down at the bottom, it’s not obvious”. Me: “Well it is on the invite though. Shelley: “Well you should have followed up with everyone to make sure they sent it”, again in a snarky way. Me: “I don’t agree with that”. After this, I did make conversation with her to smooth things over somewhat and I did apologize as she was leaving, just to keep the peace. She replied: “Oh yeah, I’m sure you are”.
Now I should mention that this isn’t the first time time that she has said rude things at inappropriate times to me, so it was starting to frustrate me. And with proper sleep, I may have handled it differently. But to be honest, I was so shocked at what she had said plus her rude comment when she left, that I didn’t know what to say or think. On the one hand, I didn’t want to ruin my sister’s shower or her time up to the wedding. The last thing she needs is another worry on top of everything else, but I think it is important for Shelley to know that she can’t bully people around- especially the host of an event that she has been invited to. I also reminded only a few people, that I talked to on a regular basis. I do feel bad, because she is out-of-town and probably feeling excluded of the planning. She is not coming to the bachelorette, so of course we haven’t asked her to contribute to anything.
Now, I am debating talking to my sister about this. Her wedding is in August. What should I do? I would prefer to avoid this situation again. Please help. Thanks!
Post # 3
Why would you want to burden your sister with this?An immature bridesmaid either forgot or was too lazy to send a recipe, was embarassed, and tried to deflect responsibility onto someone else.
It’s done, over, let it be.
Post # 4
I would leave the bride out of it since it doesn’t really involve her. It all seems a bit trivial and not worth adding extra stress on your sister.
Post # 5
Don’t tell your sister I would just add unnecessary stress that she just does not need, and there’s nothing to be done about it anyway. As far as the wedding goes just ask your sister if that bridesmaid has all the details and then limit your conversation with her. Honestly just let her blatant rudeness go, don’t let her spoil things for you or your sister. She sounds like a peach lol!
Post # 6
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
Please don’t give your sister any additional stress. Yes, Shelley is rude, but for your sister’s sake, just suck it up at the RD/day of wedding. Or you take Shelley aside if she’s bitchy to you- like MrsWBS said, this doesn’t seem to involve her behavior with your sister.
Post # 7
Yes Shelly is snarky but I agree, no need to worry the bride.
Post # 8
Shelley sounds like a bitch. I’d keep tabs on the situation though and not say anything to your sister yet. If her behavior ramps up closer to the time, I would talk to the other bridesmaids about how to handle her. Unless your sister mentions it to you or she does something REALLY insane, hopefully you all can get through with a minimum of drama.
Post # 9
In an effort to make your sister’s experience the least stressful, I would swallow down everything I was feeling about the Out of Town bridesmaid and her shitty attitude. It doesn’t matter what her problem is — maybe she doesn’t like you, or she’s jealous that your sister is getting married, or she’s just a nasty person. I would focus on getting through whatever wedding related festivities by 1. avoiding her as much as possible without being rude and 2. plastering on a big, fake smile when you have to interact with her. Pretend you don’t hear her snotty remarks. And tell yourself that after the wedding is over, you NEVER have to keep your mouth shut about anything she says or does again.
Post # 10
Agree, keep your sister out of the loop, at least until after the wedding is over and done with. As an experienced bride, I can tell you that many people, the least of whom you would expect, begin going nuts around wedding time, and for various reasons. Some are jealous. Some nervous, some feel left out, others need attention. When this confluence of events is swirling around your head, it’s a very demoralizing thing, because dammit, you’re just trying to plan an event where people can come and celebrate your union, and go home!
Telling your sister would only add extra worry upon her, when she’s already juggling the whole of planning, most likely by herself. Let’s be honest: men don’t pitch in the way women do when it comes to weddings (generally, anyway) If she isn’t going nuts by now, just wait. It’ll happen.
Tell her after the fact if you feel it’s important for her to know at any point in time, but not now. I want to commend you though for taking the time and consideration to even think about your sister’s feelings, and to host an event for her. I bet she’ll love that recipe book forever. Thanks for your hard work, on your sister’s behalf.
Post # 12
Please don’t tell your sister about it.
I was in a similar situation recently – an issue between my (otherwise awesome) bridesmaids. One of whom felt the need to tell me. I thought: “Great, what the hell am I supposed to do with that? Now I just feel bad.” I went home and cried, thinking that, if it was me, I would suck it up and not tell the bride. I was upset about the issue itself as I couldn’t do anything about it – telling me changed nothing, it just made me feel bad – and I was upset that she hadn’t just dealt with it without involving me.
Regarding the recipe, t’s her silly fault for not reading the invite properly. But otherwise, maybe she’s jealous, maybe she expected to be Maid/Matron of Honor, maybe she feels left out, it might be worth considering if you could include her more. I think there is some good advice on this thread, but please, don’t let the bride know.
Post # 13
I agree with PPs, do not tell your sister. She has enough to worry about.
I’m a bridesmaid in a friend’s wedding, and one of the other ladies in the Bridal Party accidentally replied all in an email and said something very hurtful about me. Someone told the bride, who felt the need to try to get in between me and the bridesmaid, explain things away, and diffuse the situation. She’s a solver, that was fine, but I feel badly that she was brough into the middle of it.