(Closed) Rude comments from FIL's – to say something or let it go?

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
1849 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

it’s great that he defended you – but as soon as she didn’t apologize for calling you fat and complacent, and that your ring sucks to boot, you should both have left. 

‘mom, that was way out of line and really rude, you need to apologize’

‘but i just meant …..’

‘happy easter, we’re going to go now’. 

-that’s how i’d roll next time. she gets told how rude she is, allowed an opportunity to apologize. if she doesn’t take it? see ya!

Post # 3
Member
2366 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

They are obviously jealous of your relationship and opportunities. I would ignore them as much as possible.

Post # 4
Member
36 posts
Newbee

I agree with jily, they are jealous of your relationship and opportunities.

They made their decisions in life and you’ve made yours. All because theirs did not turn out doesn’t mean they need to attack you. I think they sound very immature and bitchy and if I were you I would distance myself as much as possible. 

Post # 5
Member
30393 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
Lakeside003:  It was rather insensitive of you and H to be discussing your education and the importance of stability before having children, where Future Sister-In-Law could overhear you. It’s no surprise that she took those comments as a thinly veiled personal attack on her life.

She was clearly rude to respond with attacks on your bodies.

As for Future Mother-In-Law, your opening comment about her was that she is very insecure. What made you expect anything different yesterday, just because it was Easter? She is never going to acknowledge that she said or did anyhting inappropriate.

I suggest you memorize a few choice lines so that you have something to respond with when she next attacks.  By not calling her on it when it occurs, you are giving her tacit permission to continue to behave that way.

 

 

Post # 6
Member
3170 posts
Sugar bee

Jealousy and insecurity…sad. It’s good that your Fiance is in your corner. Just limit your contact with them as much as possible and try to stick to small talk whenever you do have to see them.

Post # 7
Member
10286 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

Sorry to say I haven’t found confronting insecure people with their inappropriate behavior to be a winning approach. They aren’t usually looking for ways to stop insulting others 🙂 in fact, that is the goal and so you’ll just be reinforcing the bad behavior.

You need to just smile and leave when they start in, though I agree with Julies that if you were talking about education etc in front of Future Sister-In-Law, that was just as rude as her crude response. She’s obviously not subtle, so she went for the jugular, which is totally crappy but expected from someone who  is insecure and has nothing else to lord over you right now. 

 

Post # 9
Member
683 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

It is good that he defended you. Not much more you can do now, but in the future leave as soon as things get too rude. And make sure he continues to defend you.

Post # 10
Member
13655 posts
Honey Beekeeper

View original reply
peonyinlove:  +1000

If this were me, Future Mother-In-Law would have a LOT of making up to do for those comments. Her beer drinking and her stress are no excuse. I’d have also picked myself up and left, but not before asking her why she would say something that hurtful and inappropriate. 

On the other hand, I can understand why Future Sister-In-Law was  upset to overhear the conversation. Not that I disagree. You did the right thing by apologizing to her and to say it was about you not her, but I’d go further to say you understand how it must have made her feel. Next time I’d be more sensitive, careful and aware. 

Post # 11
Member
30393 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
Lakeside003:  Like I said, insensitive to discuss it where you could be overheard. You were in her home, chances are she might be around.

I am not defending her behavior.

Post # 12
Member
331 posts
Helper bee

Was there any other family present besides your Future Mother-In-Law and FSIL?  I guess what I’m wondering is if there are other family members who observe their rude behavior, and if they are sick of it or if everyone just ignores them and lets them get away with it.  I agree with peonyinlove that if they continue acting like this in the next few weeks before the wedding or after, that you and your fiancé should clearly respond that the behavior is hurtful and inappropriate and then remove yourselves from the situation.  If good behavior can never be expected from them, it might be time for your fiancé to consider the type of relationship he wants with his mother and sister in the future and what he expects you to endure from them.  

Post # 13
Member
1069 posts
Bumble bee

Future Sister-In-Law sounds very insecure and jealous of the opportunities you and the girlfriend have created for yourself. I’m guessing that whilst you weren’t saying about education etc, she’s very aware that she’s not done much and lashed out in a very rude way. 

Whilst I’m with you on waiting until marriage etc (no judgement just my choice), her having a child at 18 doesnt in any way justify her not getting an education and/or a job. I’ve known a number of people have babies between 16-18, been single parents and have worked/gone to school. IMO, she’s probably aware of this and hearing people having opportunities reinforces the fact that she’s not done much With her time. 

Post # 14
Member
1413 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

View original reply
beerandcupcakes:  I agree. There needs to be some decision-making about what you are expected to deal with if these people refuse to stop their inappropriate and hurtful behavior. Family or not, no one should have to suck it up and deal with being insulted and mistreated. 

Post # 15
Member
527 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

View original reply
Lakeside003:  I’ve had some difficulties with my future in-laws as well. My experience has been to let Fiance take care of it. If I felt insulted I would expect Fiance to call them and let them know that their behaviour was unacceptable and if it continues that we will not be coming around for family events and holidays. I’ve always felt its his job to deal with his family and my job to deal with mine in situations like this. If I were you I’d avoid saying anything to them and let him be the one to tell them their comments were inappropriate and insulting and that he will not tolerate them speaking to his future wife like that. 

The topic ‘Rude comments from FIL's – to say something or let it go?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors