(Closed) Rude destination wedding invite. Who else thinks this is a gift grab…?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Expensive destination wedding. No invite for live-in gf. Are they just looking for gift $?
    YES! They couldn't have imagined he would RSVP 'yes' to this. : (54 votes)
    39 %
    NO! There may be a good reason for this that you are missing. : (63 votes)
    45 %
    Other. Please explain. : (23 votes)
    16 %
  • Post # 33
    10363 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2010

    If your SO is a close friend, it isn’t gift grabby. They would get more gifts, usually, by inviting 2 people instead of one. They either want to keep things super intimate, and only invited couples if they were engaged or married (this was our cut off as well) or just didn’t think too hard on it.

    Post # 34
    47202 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Giving them the benefit of the doubt…

    If they didn’t know enough to include you on the STD, they may have neglected to include you on the invitation for the same reason.


    Before I got my knickers in a knot, given that it is his close friend, I would suggest that he contact his friend and get clarification.


    Post # 35
    250 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    @drlolaz:  Interesting point.

    OP, just to clarify, did the reply card state “We have reserved 1 seat in your honor” or was the invitation simply addressed to your SO only?  Theoretically, all invited parties should be indicated on the invitation, but it’s possible that they addressed it to SO only since he’s closer to them, not to exclude you. Still odd, IMO.

    Post # 36
    3450 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    would it make a difference anyway? Say, OP, that you learned that this is one big oversight and they really did intend for you to come, are you sure that you would spend the money and the vacation time and go to Mexico? If not, then I can’t actually understand what there is to be upset about.

    Post # 37
    4857 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    Maybe they don’t know you, and only want people very close to them? Some people want a very small intimate wedding. 

    Post # 39
    51 posts
    Worker bee

    @maggiedubois:  just to say something similar happened to me. when a good friend of mine was getting married a few years back she sent the invite to me without including a guest. i had no partner at the time and the wedding was an overnight stay. i dont know any of her friends as we only worked together so basically if i went i would have been on my own for the day and night.

    so i decided i had to decline the invite, i was upset that i was given no option to bring a friend so i would have some company during the day and evening(irish weddings go on a long time) 

    before i had the chance to send the decline she called me and said she had a feeling she might have forgotten to put “and guest” on my invitation as she would not expect me to atend and travel alone.

    it may just be an oversight, i would suggest your so call and check.:))

    Post # 40
    2743 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2014 - Disney

    I’m having my wedding at Disney. Its close friends and family only. We are inviting only engaged, and married couples as units. There are two exceptions here but the anticipation both will be engaged before the wedding due to family and close friend rumblings. I dont care if you’ve lived together 1000 years with my cousin or my best friend if you arent married or engaged I’m not paying HUNDREDS of dollars to entertain you for several days.

    Edited to add: We have also made it very apparent we do not need gifts. We instead would like you to come and make memories with us. Though we do have a very small registry we arent even giving it out unless blatently asked for it. We’ve told family and wedding party to make it clear we are about the memories with this event and that coming is what we really ask.


    We’ve had no issues with this and our guests know what to expect when the invites go out. Two of my male friends are coming together they have girlfriends they arent invited. Yes my male friends not fiance’s and their gfs are not invited and they know and are 100% ok with this.They are friends of mine since we were about 15 we’re all in our 30’s now and the rest of my friends are all close buddies with them too. Likewise my fiance’s friends are all friends of his for 10+ years some of which yes are women who may bring their children. His female friend who is the best woman is not married is not bringing a date unless she miraculously finds someone and is engaged by february. She is fine with this as his other friends are all her friends too.


    This wedding is about joining families the friends we are inviting are like family to us as well. We are inviting only 16 friends with their spouses thats about 26 max and we expect a few of these wont attend.


    If you think a Destination Wedding is expensive for you, its even more expensive for the couple hosting. The reason many do a Destination Wedding is the initimacy factor. We anticipate about 45-65 heads thats not tiny but if we’d done it in one of the other towns we were considering we were looking at 120-200 which just made my poor head implode. I did not want to deal with that at all. Likewise I dont want to deal with outsiders at my wedding. Meeting you a handful of times makes you an outsider.


    We also wanted to do something that lasted more than a few hours over several days. This was about combining families and making memories with those people making that money go farther than it would have for a larger affair. My wedding has events going for atleast 3 days straight, probably 4 its also a family reunion of sorts. We have running races for two days(and yes we have multiple people running these races I believe the head count is 8-10 right now), two dinners planned outside of the wedding one of which will have bowling, we have an evening planned on the boardwalk after the other dinner, we have possibly have brunch with a park day the day after the wedding. Some of these things will be at the cost of my guests but most will not that means between 2 meals for all the guests a 3rd for many of the guests, admission for fireworks, bowling, welcome bags, favors, entry to a preferental area for the finishing runners we are spending hundreds per head. However the memories, laughter, and lack of stress will be what makes this worth it to me.


    The only issue I see here is if it was not made apparent in the begining who was invited and who was not. We have made it extremely apparent who is and who isnt going to be invited.


    Post # 42
    11520 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2014

    i’ve receievd several STD’s addressed to just one of us but the invite is always addressed to both.  I generally assume the STD is just that and issued quickly, the invites are addressed properly.  The fact that you’re not on the invite is just rude

    Post # 43
    3051 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 2015

    @joya_aspera:  omg BANK ACCOUNT NUMBER??? that just topped my list of rudest wedding things I’ve ever heard of. wow.

    Post # 44
    2555 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    @FauxPas2012:  you don’t know that you’re missing if you’re so dead set on not going to mexico 😀

    Post # 45
    3051 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 2015

    @maggiedubois:  I think it was definitely rude but I don’t think it was gift grabby. I think only certain and hopefully few people EXPECT gifts from people who decline. If I invited 1/2 of a serious pair on a Destination Wedding of all things, I would expect a decline…I would NOT expect a gift. I think the 2 things are separate issues.

    I’m SUPER happy with how your SO handled it though! Good for him realizing how shitty that is!


    Post # 46
    724 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    It doesn’t strike me as a gift grab, but it is rude not to invite you — especially since it’s a destination wedding. Maybe they forgot that you exist? That’s rude too, but maybe innocent at least.

    The topic ‘Rude destination wedding invite. Who else thinks this is a gift grab…?’ is closed to new replies.

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