(Closed) Rude, much or overreacting?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
2979 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

Nah it’s rude. all the Indian families I know are actually pretty up and up on the etiquette and would have insisted you come as an SO. And thank you notes are pushed out asap.

im sorry, that is all kinds of shitty.

Post # 3
Member
5995 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
akshali2000:  It can take a while to get the thank you cards out: it’s a busy time, and there might be a lot to write. I wouldn’t worry yet.

Mind you I might not be the right person to ask, because I don’t care much about thank you cards anyway.

Post # 4
Member
30393 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
akshali2000:  It could be rude of them to not send a thank-you card, however we don’t have the whole story.

You say “weeks later” but how long ago was the wedding? Thank-you notes should be written and sent asap after the wedding, but definitely within 3 months. Many a Bee has not met that deadline.

Unfortunately, the reality is that etiquette is not being taught or followed as it used to be.

Post # 5
Member
1627 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Honestly, if it’s only a few weeks, they may not have written them yet. I can’t lie and say it isn’t a little rude if they don’t find a way to say “thank you”. 

That said, an incredibly embarassing personal story on a similar issue: we wrote our thank you’s in 2 waves, did the first, stamped and sent them, wrote the second, and I had assumed hubby sent them out. 

FOUR years later, just a couple weeks ago I was going through some boxes we never unpacked from our last few moves, and what do I find: the other half of the thank-you cards we wrote, THAT NEVER GOT SENT. Pretty much mortified, and reached out to those individuals to appologize. Most of them never noticed apparently. *shrugs* 

Now, when I send a gift, I personally never expect a thank you card, because while I know it’s polite to send a thank you of some kind, I didn’t send something in expectation of getting something back, a gift is freely given because I want to do it, and *expecting* a thank you seems kind of like having a string attached to something. It’s my own weird way of thinking of it. 

It’s still probably a little rude (or they are just late in writing), but I wouldn’t let it bother you. 

Post # 6
Member
7556 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: Dorset, UK

If it is only a couple of weeks I would give them the benefit of the doubt but it would be rude if they didn’t send you one eventually. My colleague got married a year and a half ago and it still pisses me off she never sent me a thank you card for the gift I gave her.

Post # 7
Member
2009 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

we dont do thank you cards here, I think there a complete and utter waste – no one I know has ever gotten one and no one has ever missed them or been offended… your an adult who CHOOSE to give a gift, you dont need special written acknowledgement of how nice a person you are because of it, thats not why you give gift and seems rediculously needy and self involved

it was VERY rude to disinvite you after you booked flights though and then even more rude to talk about how wonderful it was with you afterwards

Post # 8
Member
7520 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

View original reply
akshali2000:  Well it sounds like your boyfriend decided to not take you as his plus one rather than the couple disinvited you. I wouldn’t hold it against them at all.

Could they maybe have left you off the thank you card list due to the family that you are essentially being hidden from?  If their parents/grandparents/aunts saw the list with your name and started asking questions etc etc. they probably left it off so they weren’t put into a position to lie. Weeks go by, they write thank you cards and they forget about you (since you probably aren’t spoken about due to being a secret and all).

If this was a normal situation then sure rude as hell but you can’t expect people who have been asked to keep you a secret to do what they normally woukd do.

Post # 9
Member
1552 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

View original reply
akshali2000:  I would think about how long you are willing to remain a “secret”. Is this a relationship you see ending in marriage? You are 26 and your LDR boyfriend is 23… are you moving back to his state or is he moving to your state? Are you each traveling to see each other on a regular basis?
Is it possible that this cousins wedding and the thank you card issue are bringing up questions you have about your relationship as a whole… are you wanting him to tell his family about you now? If so, this is something you both need to talk about, calmly. However, you have to be ready for any possible outcome. 

 

Post # 10
Member
600 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2019

I wouldn’t be worried if it’s only been “a couple of weeks” as you say, they still have plenty of time to send out thank you notes. As for being disinvited though, I’d talk to your BF…if he’s serious about your relationship then at some point, you guys will have to go [public. Make sure it’s before the next big gathering if you don’t want to feel like you’re being hidden in the closet again!

Post # 11
Member
876 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

The poorest of social graces in this scenario, to me, is the reneging of your invitation. After you were invited, they should have bit the bullet and faced whatever family is coming.

To think better of their choice, and then disinvite you is tacky, no matter what your cultural background is.

As far as not getting your thank-you card, to me that is just the final nail in the coffin.

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