Rude or not: Invitation wording – will fiance's parents be hurt?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: How should I place parents' names on invites???
    Leave it as is (bride's parents up top, groom's at very bottom) : (87 votes)
    74 %
    Change it to option no. 2 (bride's parents up top immediately followed by groom's) : (30 votes)
    26 %
  • Post # 17
    Member
    139 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: April 2015

    @TattedNYBride:  @SashaUSARu: Why do you guys think she is only listing one set of parents??! She is listing both sets of parents lol. *scratches head*

     

    @riakd:  I think the first one is fine, it doesn’t sound look like they are being “shafted” in my opinion. If you’re really worried though I would do as PP said, send them a draft and ask them what they think. 

     

    Post # 18
    Member
    379 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    @riakd:  

    Even though we did not pay for our wedding, other than a few smallparts, we wrote

    Bride & Groom

    together with their parents

    Bride’s Parents Names

    and

    Groom’s Parents Names

    Invite you…

     

    Just because it worked better for us 🙂

    Post # 19
    Member
    2073 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    @TattedNYBride:  I so agree. 

    Our invitations used the wording the OP listed as the second option. My parents funded the whole thing but didn’t care that we included his parents on the invitation. If your parents might, I’d ask first but I’m incline to list them both. 

    Post # 20
    Member
    1381 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    @riakd:  it’s unclear from your $ breakdown who is hosting the wedding, which determines the wording. If its your parents go with the first one. If its you & your parents, go with “bride & groom, together with their families” the first is traditional because traditionally the bride’s parents hosted.

    Post # 21
    Member
    543 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: January 2014

    @funkybutton:  because she says so in her original post..she is currently using virsion one that includes her parents only….and she is asking if she should change it to the second virsion that includes both sets of parents..

    Post # 22
    Member
    1880 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    Etiquettewise the people at the top are the hosts. Do the groom’s parents know as much about the wedding, venue, vendors, etc as the bride’s, to the point that any vendors or guests who had questions would get the most accurate answer from them? If not, the appropriate place is at the bottom.

    Post # 23
    Member
    178 posts
    Blushing bee

    @SashaUSARu:  haha no, both versions include BOTH sets of parents! You need to read it again more carefully. 🙂 The first one, his parents names are listed at the bottom. 

     

    “Groom’s name

    son of Groom’s mom and Groom’s dad”

    Post # 24
    Member
    543 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: January 2014

    @Epicpooka:  ooops..just saw it….have to be more attentive next time 🙂

     

    still think both got to be in the beginning..:)

    Post # 25
    Member
    1843 posts
    Buzzing bee

    Who is hosting?  THOSE are the names that are listed on the invitation.  People treat invitations like playbills anymore and they aren’t.

    Whomever is hosting the wedding (or any event) issues the invitation.  The program is where all parents are listed regardless of who is hosting.  Hosting and paying are not the same thing.

     

    Post # 26
    Member
    13522 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    We had basically the same financial breakdown as you, and we did the “son of” line on our invitations.  I think my inlaws were thankful to be included at all, honestly.  They didn’t expect their names on there.

    Post # 27
    Member
    899 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    We just started with Together with their parents but didn’t name any of them. I like your first version. Have you asked his parents about it? Or rather show them the proof and say “This is what the invitations look like, what do you think?” without particularly steering them towards the wording. Then, if they bring up the wording you know it’s a real issue, and if they don’t then it’s all good.

     

    Post # 28
    Member
    11746 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Whoever is considered host is at the tOp.

    Post # 29
    Member
    3082 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    @riakd:  We are going to do it the first way that you said. I’ve seen a lot of invitations recently written like that.

    Post # 30
    Member
    855 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    I really think it should be both or neither. You shouldnt leave out the grooms family in the hosting part even if they were paying 2%… I think thats really rude. Another option is  what we did… “Together with their parents,” and didnt list either of their names. Everyone knows who your parents are and neither side gets offended then. Good luck

     

    Post # 31
    Member
    47 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    @riakd:  Maybe we are a bit non-traditional but we did:

    “Together with their familes

    Bride 

    and 

    Groom

    joyfully invite you to share

    in the celebration of their marriage”

     

    That way we didn’t have to worry about hurting either family.

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