(Closed) Rude or not?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1583 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Lillianna:  I can understand why you are annoyed, but different people come up with different rules for who to invite to their wedding. Their rule might be you have to be engaged or married if they are trying to watch their budget. It doesn’t make it any less annoying but I think you have to respect their decision. If your SO is going anyway, then take that night to have a girls night or a pampering night in.

Post # 5
Member
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Most bees have different opinions than I do on this situation, but I believe that if you are in a relationship, you are a social unit and must be invited as such (your SO and you.)  So yes, it was rude of them to not invite you.

It’s really up to you and your SO whether he attends the wedding.  Has he called the bride and groom and asked “Hey guys, Lilliana wasn’t on the invitation, was that an oversight or is she not invited?”  It’s not rude for him to ASK, it would be rude for him to assume, and write your name in on the response card.  If you really are not invited, , well, that stinks and I’m sorry they were rude.

However, it’s a little extreme to ‘ban’ them from your wedding.  That is really up to you and your SO to decide together. 

Post # 7
Member
3886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

It’s reasonable to be annoyed; it is not, however, reasonable to ban them from your wedding. Many couples make engaged/married couples the cut-off for who gets to bring their SO, and you have to respect that decision. It would be perfectly acceptable for your SO to decline the invite; it’s not acceptable to play tit-for-tat on your own guest list.

Post # 8
Member
1607 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Agree with PP. Sometimes it sucks – especially if you have been in the relationship a long time. But some brides don’t have the budget to invite everyone they wish could come.

Post # 9
Member
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

When you are engaged and fighting a bloated guest list, you’ll likely understand this a little more. If you were engaged or married, it would technically be “breaking the rules” to not invite you. But since you aren’t (and I know this sucks and is kind of ridiculous) a lot of people view it as ok. At least, the people who follow EMily Post’s rules. (I don’t, but that’s a whole other argument, right?! ๐Ÿ™‚ )

Post # 10
Member
1935 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@Lillianna:  ehhh… this is a tough one. When you say SO, do you mean you’re married, or just dating and living together? Some brides might just say “only married couples” which I do think is a little strange, particularly if you’ve been dating a long time. But if they are having a very small wedding for whatever reason, I guess you will just have to deal. Imagine if your SO doesn’t go, and then you have to see the couple after the wedding. Uncomfortable. 

Let him go to the wedding, and if you feel like it, you can sign the card too. I would, but I can be immature with stuff like this ๐Ÿ™‚ 

Post # 11
Member
2497 posts
Buzzing bee

@Lillianna:  I would be upset because couples who live together should be considered a package deal. I would also be upset with your SO. If I were in his position, I would have declined. No matter how close I am to my friends, they have no business disrespecting my relationship with my SO.

Post # 13
Member
1071 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@fishbone:  +1

I totally understand why you are annoyed but I don’t think you can ban them from your wedding.  I’m sure they wanted to include you but couldnt due to a restrictive guest list.

Post # 14
Member
1649 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2000

Since you live together, you should have been invited.  However, it sounds like they are at capacity, in which case, had to cut the list down.  I’m sure they would have invited you if they had the space.  It’s also immature to invite one/ban them from your wedding.  Be the bigger person ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 15
Member
271 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I agree with everyone above.  I unfortunately had to implement the same rule for my wedding, solely due to costs, and not because I didn’t want to invite people ๐Ÿ™  However, I do think you should be allowed to invite or not invite whoever you want, and to choose not to invite them to your future wedding.  Honestly, I don’t fully expect to be invited to the future weddings of those people I may have offended with my rule, and I don’t care!

Post # 16
Member
1150 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I wouldn’t think it was rude to not be invited but i would think it was rude of my partner to go without me.

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